


Things Unseen

by Nova_Raven



Series: Being Blind [1]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Blind Character, Blindness, Car Accidents, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Discussions, Suicidal Thoughts, Trauma, frank talk of death, mentions of child abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:54:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 60,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22213624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nova_Raven/pseuds/Nova_Raven
Summary: When a freak car accident leaves Colby blind, everything changes for him and Brennen...
Relationships: Colby Brock/Brennen Taylor, Sam Golbach/Katrina Stuart
Series: Being Blind [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1612918
Comments: 44
Kudos: 37





	1. Chapter 1

“Hey dude, you doing anything tomorrow night?”

“Maybe… That depends on who’s asking,” Brennen drawled, leaning back lazily in his car. It was a lazy Thursday morning. He was on the way home from the gym and everything hurt. But it was a good pain. A sign he was working something out of his body. He certainly had a lot more time now that he and Emily…

He’d gotten the call from his best friend just as he was pulling out onto the main street.

“Well, I was hoping you might have time for a movie tomorrow night,” He could hear the playful grin in Colby’s voice. “You know, if you’re not too busy…”

“You know I always have time for you, baby,” Brennen teased back, falling easily into their easy banter. “I love our dates.” But then he remembered. “Dude, weren’t you and Sam gonna do something?” He could have sworn he remembered Colby snapchatting something about dinner plans with Sam.

“Yeah,” Colby’s voice dropped in tone. “His grandpa died last night. Sam and Kat left this morning for the funeral in Kansas.”

“Oh shit…” Brennen muttered, “That sucks.”

“Yeah, I knew the guy, but Sam was really close to him,” Colby’s voice was full of worry for his friend. “He was pretty broken up when he told me. I’m glad Kat’s going with him.”

“Me too,” Brennen agreed. 

He almost didn’t see the car coming. He was just driving through the intersection when he heard the squeal of slamming brakes. “Oh fuck!” The fact that he panicked and slammed on his gas probably saved him, as he saw a car skid across the intersection just behind him. The guy probably would have T-boned him if he hadn’t panicked.

“Dude, you okay?”

“Holy shit, yo! Some dude almost killed me!” Brennen yelled, glancing quickly behind him as he drove off to watch the guy pull to a stop in the middle of the intersection, backing up the traffic that had been following Brennen.

“Are you okay?” Colby’s voice sounded worried now.

“Yeah, dude, I’m fine,” Brennen assured him, still watching the mess behind him even as he drove off. “Some dude ran a red light and almost hit me, _fuck_ , that was too close.”

“People are fucking idiots,” Colby commented darkly over the phone.

Brennen hummed his agreement as he turned and the scene faded from view. “Okay bro, I’m gonna talk to you later, okay? Apparently people are driving like idiots today.”

“Sounds good, dude,” Colby answered. “I’ll text you later, okay?”

“Sounds good, dude!” Brennen gripped the steering wheel just a little tighter. “See you tomorrow!”

“Bye!” Brennen let Colby be the one to press the button to end the call. He was a little too jittery to want to take his hands off the wheel.

The rest of the day passed normally, and Brennen woke up the next morning just excited for his time with Colby. He hadn’t had the time to hang out with him like he used to, and it almost felt like a part of him was missing when he didn’t see his friend for too long.

Colby didn’t respond to his text message in the morning but that was fine. Colby slept in notoriously late some mornings. There was nothing wrong with that, and Brennen got up and went to the gym and came back like nothing was wrong. Maybe something felt off, he wasn’t really sure, but it was nothing super noticeable.

And then it was noon. And then it was two. And then it was four. And Brennen still hadn’t heard from Colby.

That was why when Brennen got a call from Sam he knew that something was wrong. 

“Yo, what’s up?” He answered, trying to keep the apprehension out of his voice.

“Yo, dude, Colby’s mom just called me,” There was panic in Sam’s voice, “Which is really weird ‘cause like she knows what’s going on with my family so I didn’t know why she called me and I actually swung by their house to grab something for Colby last night and we talked for a little bit so I didn’t think she had anything to tell me…”

“Sam,” Brennen interrupted, his chest tightening with the anxiety that he could hear in Sam’s voice. “Is Colby okay?” Because that was the only reason that he could picture Colby’s mom calling Sam.

He heard the deep breath that Sam took to center himself, maybe Kat’s quiet voice murmuring comfortingly. “Fuck, sorry dude, Colby’s in the hospital.”

“Holy shit!” And Brennen felt horror run through his body. He froze, his grip tightening on his phone. “Is he okay?” Brennen demanded, moving around his kitchen and gathering up his wallet and keys.

The calming clearly didn’t work for long because fear was back in Sam’s voice when he spoke again. “I know he’s alive, I don’t… I don’t know dude… He was in some sort of car accident this morning and they finally figured out who he was and called his mom…”

Brennen was already walking towards the door. “Which hospital, I’m going. Do you know what room he’s in?” He needed to keep Sam answering questions so that he didn’t just ramble in panic.

“LA Regional, I think? And fuck, I don’t remember the room, I’ll text his mom, his parents are coming but they’re still in Kansas so…”

“I got him, I’m going,” Brennen repeated, closing the front door and almost forgetting to lock it in his haste. “Okay, okay, Sam, breathe, he’s going to be fine, okay?”

“Fuck, okay, okay…” Sam whispered, and Brennen imagined Sam pacing as he spoke. “I’ll uh… I still have to stay for this funeral but uh…”

“Dude, I got him,” Brennen was already getting in his car. “You just focus on family shit, okay? I’ll call you from the hospital and when I get Colby home, okay? I’m sure he’s fine.”

Brennen could hear that promise in his head, looping over and over again as he stared down at his friend. Gauze was wrapped around his head without obscuring his face, letting Brennen see the edges of the bruise that crept down from his hairline. An ugly, oversized green hospital gown replaced the clothes he had been wearing and a thick line ran from his arm into a computer showing his heart rate and blood pressure. Brennen had been warned not to let Colby pull that out, along with his IV.

“Fuck… Colby…” Brennen wasn’t on Colby’s record as someone they could disclose information to, so the staff weren’t able to tell him anything until Sam or his parents got there, but he had heard the discussions by the nursing staff outside the room. He was pretty sure that one of them might have been speaking a little louder just so that he could hear, the cute little nurse with short hair who had brought him back describing him as Colby’s boyfriend. He hadn’t denied it because he thought it might get him closer to Colby.

He hadn’t been wrong, but what he had heard had scared the shit out of him.

_TBI… EEG shows swelling of the brain…unknown damage…_

The words swam around in his head. He needed to call Sam. He needed to tell Sam what the fuck was going on, that Colby was here and had no visible damage… except the bruise on his forehead, which didn’t even indicate the full extent of the potential damage.

The thing that they wouldn’t even know until he woke up.

“Colby… dude, if you can hear me…” Brennen breathed, reaching over to grip Colby’s arm where it was closest to him. “You gotta… you gotta get up, you gotta talk to me, okay? I know you got a pretty hard hit to the head but uh… I know you’re gonna be okay. You’re gonna wake up, and everything’s going to be fine, and you’re going to buy me Tender Greens to make up for stressing me out like this…”

Fuck… he needed to call Sam.

Sam was as frustrated by the lack of information as Brennen. “And they won’t tell you anything?” Sam asked, and his voice was low. Brennen could hear chatter from the other end of the line but it was muffled, like there was a door between the noise and Sam’s phone.

“Not until you or his mom get here,” Brennen said tightly, “Fuckin’ HIPAA shit…”

“Hippo shit?”

“No, like… hospital privacy shit,” Brennen ran a hand through his hair. “I mean, like, it’s fine, I get it, but like… I’d really like to know what’s going on with him you know?”

“Yeah, me too,” Sam said, and Brennen heard the voices get louder behind Sam. “Shit, I gotta go,” Sam muttered, “Just uh… keep me updated okay?”

“I will, dude,” Brennen promised, “Talk to you later, okay?”

“Okay, dude,” And Sam hung up.

Brennen looked back at Colby, looking small and defenseless wrapped up in hospital blankets. Fuck, he shouldn’t be the one to be here. Why had Sam called him out of all of Colby’s friends? There had to be better people to be here with Colby when he woke up. Right? Or be the one to potentially deliver bad news if he… didn’t? 

Shit, what if he had brain damage? What if he woke up not talking right? Or like… not Colby?

Not the guy that he… knew…

Brennen felt the urge to reach over and touch Colby’s face, because he looked so young and helpless and Brennen just wanted to protect him...

He had a hand on Colby’s cheek before he could really think about what he was doing. Colby’s skin was soft, not rough with scruff like Brennen’s was. Being here, being this close to Colby… it made him remember the confusing place in his life Colby had occupied before his girlfriend, before Emily had taken over his life, his best friend, his…

And then Brennen heard a groan from Colby. Brennen’s eyes flew to Colby’s, pulling his hand back quickly. “Colby?” Brennen asked quietly.

Colby groaned again, eyelids fluttering as he started moving. “Brennen…?” He barely breathed, but it was still a word and Brennen heard it.

Hope surged through him. Colby knew it was him. Colby recognized his voice. Maybe he would be okay after all…

And then Colby turned to look at him, and his eyes were all wrong.

It was hard to explain in any other way than that they didn’t _move_ right, rolling just over Brennen before sliding back the other direction. And right away Brennen’s heart was slamming in his chest again. But he didn’t want to freak Colby out so he just asked, “Hey dude, how you feeling?”

“My fuckin’… my head hurts…” But then, Colby seemed to know that something was wrong too. He stared in Brennen’s direction for a few more seconds, before he lifted a hand, fortunately not the one hooked up to the equipment, and reached forward. Brennen caught his hand, and watched as Colby jumped, clearly not expecting the contact.

Even though he was looking in the right direction.

_Oh shit…_

“Colby?” Brennen asked again, and a terrible feeling had started roiling in his gut.

But Colby seemed like he was figuring it out too. “Is there…Brennen, there’s something wrong with my eyes,” Colby said quietly, and there was a slowly growing panic in his voice. “I can’t… Brennen, there’s nothing on my face, right?”

Brennen shook his head, as Colby pressed a hand to his face, feeling along the edge of the gauze, feeling the uncovered skin of his face. “Brennen?” Colby repeated, his voice verging on hysterical.

“There’s… there’s nothing on your face…” Brennen answered, with growing horror in his stomach. “Colby… can you not see me?”

Colby’s breath came in faster pants and his hand was shaking in Brennen’s. “I can’t… I can’t see you…” He gasped, “I can’t… like I can tell there’s light at the ceiling but like… everything else is dark...”

“Colby… Colby, hey…” Brennen reached for his other hand, terrified that he would pull the line out. Colby jolted again, a sound of fear leaving his throat. “Fuck, dude, it’s me. You’re safe, you’re okay…”

“Brennen, I can’t see,” Colby’s eyes are moving in his skull but they’re wrong, all wrong, never actually locking on Brennen, rolling past him in all directions. “Brennen, please… please tell me this is a prank. Fuck, please dude, please…” And Brennen heard the sob that wanted to come out.

But it wasn’t a prank. And Brennen thought Colby already knew that. So all he could say was, “You’re okay, dude, you’re okay. We’re gonna be okay. Nurse!” He raised his voice at the end. He remembered shift change happening, couldn’t remember the new nurse’s name, but someone needed to be here.

“Brennen!” Colby pulled Brennen towards him, and Brennen leaned over the bed awkwardly so he could pull his terrified friend against his chest.

“It’s gonna be okay, dude, I promise…” Brennen stroked Colby’s hair, trying to get his friend to calm down and come down from the panic attack that he could feel coming on.

“Brennen please… please tell me it’s a prank…” Colby’s weak voice in his ear broke Brennen’s heart.

“It’ll be okay, bro,” Brennen could only promise over and over, “It’ll be okay…”

They ended up having to push drugs into Colby so that he would allow them to pull out his piercings and do the MRI they needed to see what was going on. Colby was scared, so scared, hyperventilating in front of him and Brennen felt awful when he felt the tight grip Colby had on him loosen as the sedatives took effect.

The MRI didn’t bring any more good news. It in fact brought worse news, and Brennen got to hear it because Colby’s parents had finally shown up by the time the results came back.

_Swelling in his brain…_

_Damage to the optic nerve…_

_May be permanent…_

_Blind…_

Brennen was so glad that Colby was still drugged out when the doctor told Colby’s parents. The noises his parents made when they were told were heart-wrenching. Brennen felt horribly out of place as Colby parents talked to each other because he loved Colby, yeah, but like… it should have been Sam. It should have been Jake, or Corey. It should have been literally anyone else to be here with Colby and his parents when they found out that there was a chance that Colby would be permanently blind.

All because some some jackass didn’t look both ways and careened into Colby.

The fucker hadn’t even been taken in. He’d fled the scene and Colby’s red Corolla, the car smoking as it wrapped around a tree.

They were lucky, they were told, that he hadn’t sustained more injuries. As if potentially permanent blindness wasn’t worse than multiple broken bones.

The bones would heal. This…

They didn’t know…

Brennen had to get out of there, and he left Colby alone with his parents, still unconscious, when he went to call Sam.

Telling Sam wasn’t much better than telling Colby’s parents had been.

“Fuck!” Sam yelled and Brennen could hear the hurt and fear in his voice.

“Dude… what the fuck do we do?” Brennen asked. He’d found a quiet bench to sit on outside. The corridors and rooms of the hospital had started to feel claustrophobic to him.

“The only thing we can do,” Sam said sadly, “I mean… we help him cope, and adjust, and we support him I guess… Fuck, Colby…” He could hear the anguish in Sam’s voice.

“His parents want him to go back to Kansas,” Brennen said, wanting to hear Sam’s take on it because while the idea of Colby moving away made some deep part of Brennen’s heart hurt, he didn’t know if he or any of Colby’s friends had the knowledge and ability to help someone who had just been blinded, who could help Colby adapt.

“I…” Sam paused for a few seconds. “I think that would be awful for his mental health, but like… I don’t know how to help him here, you know?”

“I mean… fuck, like it’s up to Colby in the end but like…” Brennen agreed with Sam 100%. “There are probably people here, who could help him learn? And he knows his apartment so like… I feel like him moving would be the opposite of helpful.”

“I know…” Sam’s voice was sad. “I just… I can’t get over that he’s… _blind_ …” The last word was spoken on a whisper.

“I know…” And then a very different question occurred to Brennen, one he had been wondering for a little while now. “Sam… why did you call _me_ to go and see him?”

There was a few moments of silence from the other end. “What do you mean?” Sam finally asked.

“I mean… of all of his friends… you called me when you were out of town to go and see him. Why?” Because Brennen hadn’t been a part of Colby’s central friend group for a few months now.

“Brennen...” Sam started hesitantly.

And then his phone buzzed in his hand and Brennen pulled it from his ear to see that Colby was calling him. “Oh shit, dude, Colby’s calling me. One moment okay?”

At the affirmative from Sam Brennen switched the lines over. “Hey, dude, what’s up?”

“Where are you?” Colby cut right to the chase.

“I uh… I stepped outside for a moment,” And Brennen immediately felt guilty. “I can come back up though.”

“Please?” Colby asked quietly, and Brennen’s heart broke at the quiet vulnerability in Colby’s voice.

“Okay, I’m coming,” Brennen stood up from the bench, walking back towards the doors to the building. “Be there in like five minutes okay?”

“Okay…” Colby’s voice was quiet. 

“See you soon,” Brennen said out of habit, but immediately kicked himself for his choice of words. “I mean, fuck, sorry, I’ll be there soon.”

Brennen definitely heard some sort of hurt noise on the other end. “It’s okay, dude. I’ll be here,” Colby said, and Brennen felt like the worst person in the world.

“Bye…” Brennen might have hung up and switched back over to Sam a little faster than was strictly polite, but he needed to get off the line with Colby before he heard Brennen panicking.

“Is he okay?” Sam asked immediately.

Brennen nodded, trying to slow his rapid breathing. “Yeah. He’s awake. Wanted me back up in the room.” His heart was beating faster than it probably should be and he needed to get this shit under control before he went to see his friend who had just been _blinded_...

“Okay…” Sam said. “You gonna be okay, dude?”

Brennen considered for a few seconds. “Yeah… I have to right? He needs me.”

“Yeah but…” Brennen heard Sam release a deep breath. “Let me know if _you_ need anything okay? Fuck… I feel so bad that I’m not there.”

“Dude, you have shit going on, okay?” Brennen said firmly. “I’m sure he doesn’t blame you and I sure as shit don’t.” 

“I just… fuck… okay…” Brennen was pretty sure he heard Kat’s voice again, comforting Sam before he continued, “Kat and I’s flight is Sunday afternoon, so we’ll be back like Sunday evening, okay?”

“Okay.” Brennen made it back to the floor Colby was on. “I’m about to head into his room so like... I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Okay…” Sam sounded worried still, but he didn’t say anything else. “Take care of him, okay?”

“I will,” Brennen promised, “See you later, dude.”

“See you.”

Brennen knocked on the door to Colby’s room, hearing a quiet, “Come in,” From inside.

He tiptoed into the room, seeing Colby staring at the covers. Well, his eyes were directed at the bedspread. Brennen knew that he wasn’t actually seeing anything. “Hey,” Brennen said quietly.

“Hey,” Colby answered, and there was a tightness in his voice that made Brennen’s heart break again.

“Where are your parents?” Brennen asked, going to sit next to Colby’s bed.

“They went to go get food,” Colby answered, “You can... you can sit up here,” He patted the bed next to him. Brennen gave him a weird look, remembering only half a second later that Colby couldn’t see it.

“Gotcha,” Brennen responded instead, standing again to position himself on the edge of the bed. Colby leaned into him. It was just a little bit, just enough that he could feel the warmth of Colby’s body against his shoulder and side, but Brennen noted it. “What’s up, dude?” He asked gently.

“It’s uh… its grounding… to touch you…” Colby explained hesitantly, worry on his face. “Because of the whole… not seeing thing…” He turned his face towards Brennen, but he missed locking eyes with him by a long shot.

Brennen did his best to not react to the pain that spurred through him at that heartbreaking reminder of Colby’s condition. “You’re fine dude, promise.” He wrapped a comforting arm around his friend.

They sat in silence for a moment, Brennen not really sure what to say to Colby now that they were here. 

Luckily for him, Colby spoke first. “I’m sorry,” Colby said softly.

Brennen’s face turned bewildered. “What the fuck for?” He asked.

Colby winced, “For like… for dragging you into this.”

“Colby… dude, no.” Brennen tightened his grip on his friend. “Stop. I’m here for you, okay? I wouldn’t… I won’t let you go through this alone, okay?”

“I can’t… I can’t _see_ , Brennen,” Colby whispered, still with horror in his voice. “I’m not… I’m not going to be able to like… do the shit we used to do.”

“Colby… dude, I’m not like… I’m not worried about that, I promise, okay?” Brennen said, “I’m here for _you_ , dude, whether you can see me or not, okay?” And it was a little bit gay, but Brennen touched Colby’s cheek to turn his head more properly towards him. Colby closed his eyes, learning into the contact. “I’m here for you. We’re gonna figure this out, okay?”

“Brennen…” Colby whispered, and he brought his hand up to press Brennen’s more firmly into his face. “Brennen, I’m so fucking scared…” His eyes were squeezed shut but Brennen still saw the tears that were trying to escape.

“We’re gonna figure it out, I promise,” Brennen stroked the skin just under his eye. “I’m not going to abandon you, Colby. We’re gonna make this okay, okay?”

Colby nodded, opening his eyes again and Brennen tried not to look at them. “My parents want me to come back to Kansas…” He said.

“Do you want to go back to Kansas?” Brennen found himself waiting on the answer with baited breath.

Thankfully, Colby shook his head. “No…” He said, “I really don’t. So we’re uh… we’re gonna try to get me set up with someone to help me adjust, here, I guess. I guess there are people that do that?”

“Well that’s good,” Brennen offered a smile, even though Colby couldn’t see it. 

“But uh… they can’t come until Monday?” Colby said, “And uh… so I’ll be home until then and uh…”

“I’ll come over,” Brennen offered straight away.

Colby paused, but nodded, and Brennen realized he was still touching Colby’s face, Colby still holding his hand there. “You don’t have to,” Colby said softly, and the fear and vulnerability in his voice broke Brennen’s heart all over again.

“I want to,” Brennen said, and he didn’t think that Colby realized how much he had leaned into Brennen, how close their faces were. “I don’t have anything going on this weekend. I’ll come and hang out with you.”

“I… okay…” Colby said, and Brennen wasn’t sure whether he was actually okay with it or if he just didn’t have the energy to fight him anymore.

They didn’t move for a few moment, Brennen looked into Colby’s face, saw how lost and scared he looked. And he just wished that he could wipe that all away. There was something fluttering in his chest, something that Brennen had noticed before but hadn’t paid much mind to, and it increased in aggression as Colby stayed just inches from his face. And then the space was decreasing, and Brennen could see every pore, every freckle in Colby’s face, the texture of his skin, the way his lost eyes just brushed over Brennen…

He drew back quickly, because what the fuck had that been? Colby jumped a little bit, before turning his face away.

“Dude…”

“Bro…”

And then Colby’s parents were walking back in the room and they had Taco Bell and Brennen quickly distracted himself.

Because that was weird.

Because he definitely hadn’t just been about kiss Colby…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read a couple of fics on here about Colby being blind and the idea stuck with me so I wanted to do my own take on it. But because it’s me, its gonna be angsty as shit.
> 
> Bear with me while I write as Brennen for the first time. Still don’t have a great read on his personality so I swear I’m trying.
> 
> Also, if you catch this writing being in present tense accidentally, I’m sorry about that. Writing “Tell Me it’s Not Too Late” has messed up my writing instincts.
> 
> As always, hope you guys enjoyed and I’ll see you in the next one!


	2. Chapter 2

The Taco Bell was familiar and reassuring. Brennen was grateful that once it was put in Colby’s hands he easily oriented himself on it from years of eating, able to unwrap the food entirely by what Brennen figured was muscle memory. It was one less thing that Colby had to think about right now. The conversations were somewhat stilted. Brennen chatted briefly about his life story and role in Colby’s life, but mostly they just sat and ate.

Fuck, Brennen hadn’t even realized how hungry he was until food was given to him. In the panic of finding out Colby was in the hospital and all of the subsequent realizations... he hadn’t even eaten dinner. He remembered that now.

_Because he had been supposed to eat with Colby..._

That was when Colby’s parents brought out the other thing they had bought while out.

”What’s this?” Colby had asked, turning the long stick over in his hands. He was still trying to meet people’s eyes when they spoke to him and Brennen didn’t have the heart to tell him that he missed every time.

The object Colby held was easily recognizable to every sighted person in the room. The long white cane with the red markings and rounded tip, and it caused Brennen new pain to watch Colby turn it over in his hands and not know what it was.

Mrs. Brock was the one to break the news. “It’s a cane, sweetie...”

Colby froze, his body going rigid. “Oh...” He said quietly. And Brennen immediately felt the energy in the room change at Colby’s single syllable response. Brennen cringed. Another reminder of what exactly it was they were working with.

The permanent shift in their lives.

Except it wasn’t permanent. He wouldn’t let himself believe that. It was just something to get through until Colby’s eyes healed.

”Since you’re going home tomorrow we thought it would be good for you to have...” Mr. Brock said, wrapping an arm around his wife.

Colby’s knuckles had turned white where they gripped the cane. He didn’t try to look at his parents, eyes directed straight ahead at the blankets.

Brennen chewed on the inside of his lip. He could almost feel the emotions that wanted to break loose from Colby, the scream of rage and injustice that he wanted to let out.

But of course, it was Colby. And that wasn’t how Colby was.

”Thanks,” He said shortly, setting the cane on the bed next to him. “That’ll uh... I guess that’ll be useful later...”

”It’s going to be okay,” Brennen said, because he was going to be positive about this, even if it killed him, “Your eyes might still heal.” Because he had to believe that this was only temporary for his own mental health, let alone Colby’s. Colby’s parents looked pained, but they didn’t contradict Brennen.

Colby didn’t respond verbally, just nodding faintly in response. Brennen squeezed his hand where Colby still gripped it. Colby squeezed it back, just closing his eyes.

Colby hadn’t let him go since Brennen had promised not to leave him. It was more than a little bit gay, and made awkward butterflies dance around in his gut, but Brennen wouldn’t deny Colby this now.

He was going to help him in any way he could. If holding his hand kept Colby grounded and from panicking... then he would do it no questions asked.

Brennen glanced at the time, starting in shock. It was almost one in the morning. “Wow, it got late.”

”What time is it?” Colby asked and there was something dark on his face. Brennen cringed. Because Colby couldn’t look at the clock himself.

”One in the morning,” His mom answered, pressing her lips together. She must have read Colby’s expression too.

Brennen felt awkward. He should probably leave. Colby’s parents were here. They barely knew him. He just felt so awkward and out of place in this hospital room with them.

It should have been Sam, or Jake, or Corey, or anyone else...

”I should uh... I should probably go...” Brennen started, going to stand up from the bed but Colby’s hand tightened reflexively around his, nonverbally resisting his leaving.

”You don’t have to,” Colby said before his parents could say anything. He turned his head toward Brennen so that Brennen could see in his face just how much Colby didn’t want him to go. See Colby’s sightless eyes look towards him imploringly. 

Brennen sat back down, “Whatever you need, Brother,” He squeezed Colby’s hand again.

”Thank you...” Colby’s voice was tight again. 

His parents looked at each other, and Brennen wasn’t sure how he felt about the look that passed between them and the way they looked at _him_. “I’ll uh... I’ll find somewhere to crash in the waiting room, okay?” He asked, knowing there were really only two sleeping appropriate fixtures in Colby’s room. “You can call me if you need me, okay?”

”How?” Colby asked bitterly, “Kinda hard to use my phone when I can’t see it.”

Oh wow. That was a lot of bitterness. Understandable but... shit.

”Uh...” Brennen was lost for a few seconds, but then he was struck by a bolt of brilliance. “Use your Siri,” Brennen said, patting himself on the back for thinking of something so brilliant so quickly. “Okay?”

Colby seemed almost jarred for a moment, but then nodded. “Okay.”

”You wanna try it?” Brennen asked, getting a quiet nod from Colby. He reached over the table and pressed Colby’s phone into his free hand. Colby flipped it right side up by feel, and spoke into it, “Hey Siri.” Brennen watched the Siri screen pop up. “Call Brennen Taylor.”

“Calling Brennen Taylor,” The phone said, and after a few seconds, Brennen felt his own phone go off.

Brennen picked it up. “Hello, Brother,” He grinned.

”Hello, Brother,” Colby even smiled a little bit at his tone.

”That was pretty smart, Brennen,” Colby’s dad nodded appreciatively, a small smile tugging out from under the worry.

”Every now and again he surprises me,” Colby said in bit of sass that totally surprised Brennen.

”Hey now, I will have you know that Colby would be nowhere without my brilliant ideas,” Brennen said with a grin.

”Well... at least I can kinda use my phone again...” Colby shrugged, but he gave Brennen a small smile and Brennen was so glad.

Things would be okay. Everything would be okay as long as he kept Colby smiling.

It was about ten o’clock in the morning on Saturday that Colby tried his cane for the first time. They were told they were leaving, they just had to wait on the discharge papers. So, Brennen suggested that Colby try to get a feel for navigating without sight. 

He knew it would be stressful for Colby, but he hadn’t anticipated how stressful it would be for Brennen. 

Brennen did his best to keep the stress out of his posture as he walked with Colby. Colby had a hand on Brennen’s shoulder, his own posture unnaturally tight as he tapped his way down the hallway. The early morning breakfast bustle had had stopped, leaving the hallways mostly open as Colby tried to get a feel for the cane. His face was tensed with concentration and anxiety.

”Easy, dude,” Brennen reminded him quietly, “I’m not going to let you hit anything, okay?”

”This is fucking _scary_ ,” Colby muttered through gritted teeth. “I just... I just want to open my eyes, Brennen.”

And that hurt Brennen somewhere deep in his soul. Because Colby’s wide, blue eyes were open. They just weren’t seeing anything. “It’s gonna be okay, dude,” He promised, “We just gotta believe that this is just temporary, and that you will see again.”

They didn’t know that. Colby’s doctors had stressed that there was a very, _very_ small chance that he _might_ regain _some_ of his sight, but that they wouldn’t count on it.

That Colby should move forward assuming that he would be blind forever.

But Brennen refused to believe such a thing.

Colby would get better. He just had to believe it.

“But I can’t...” Colby slowed his walk even further. He tossed his head to move his hair out of his eyes. “I can’t... I don’t want to get my hopes up for something that probably won’t happen, dude. I just gotta... I gotta get used to this, I guess.” He stares at the space in front of them. “I should uh... probably post something on social media. And uh... shit, I need to talk to the team...”

”Sam’s on it,” Brennen assured Colby. He’d talked to Sam this morning and Sam had assured him that Sam was on it. Ashley, their manager, was _not_ thrilled, but Brennen sure as shit was _not_ going to tell Colby that. She and the team were talking through what their best options would be. She’d sent her condolences through Sam. “You don’t need to worry about it right now. Your video went up yesterday?”

Colby nodded. “Yeah, I actually uh... actually had it prepped this time to post automatically...” He’d almost slowed to standing as he spoke.

“So we have a week,” Brennen said, “Before you have to post again. To figure shit out. You just do you, and let us figure out the channel shit. Well, Sam and the team, I don’t really have any part in this...” He shrugged and knew Colby felt it through his hands.

“I... okay...” Colby whispered. He paused a few more seconds, thoughts passing in rapid succession over his face.

”Let’s uh... let’s keep walking, okay?” Brennen offered, trying to distract Colby from what he was sure was the logistics he was working through in his brain. “How’s the cane feel?”

He stepped away from the wall, letting Colby follow his lead, swinging the cane out again. “I feel like... there’s gotta be like, a correct way to do this...” Colby muttered, jumping a little bit at the cane hit the wall of the corridor.

”I’ll look it up?” Brennen offered. “Maybe the people coming Monday will have advice?”

Colby nodded, “Yeah, yeah, maybe...” To be fair he did seem to be finding a rhythm to the taps, shifting himself closer to the wall to test the swings. They were headed slowly towards a cart on the wall. Brennen wanted to see if Colby would pick up on it before he hit it.

Thankfully, the cane tapped on the cart before they collided with it and Colby jumped again. “There’s something there?” He asked, stepping clear around the obstacle.

”Yeah,” Brennen said, “A cart. I wanted to see if you would find it.”

”Good thing I didn’t trip over it,” Colby commented and the bitterness in his voice caught Brennen off guard. Being bitter was not in Colby’s nature.

”I wouldn’t have let you hit it,” Brennen said, a little offended Colby would think that of him.

”Yeah, I know...” Colby said, sighing, “Sorry. I’m just...”

”Hey, no worries, dude,” Brennen shook it off. Of course Colby was a little on edge. This time yesterday he could see. Now... 

No, Colby would get better. The nerve damage would heal and in a week, this would all be over.

”Cole Brock?” Colby and Brennen both turned to the sound of someone calling Colby’s name from down the hall. Their nurse, a nice guy named John, was waving at them. “We got your checkout papers,” He called, “You’re good to go.”

”Oh thank God...” Colby muttered, and he turned, swinging the cane and it whacked into Brennen’s shin.

”Ow!”

”Shit, sorry, sorry!” Colby apologized, “I just...”

”Dude, I’m fine, it’s fine,” Brennen assured him, turning and fitting Colby’s free hand back onto his shoulder. “Didn’t even hurt that much.”

”Okay...” Colby said faintly.

”Let’s get you out of here,” Brennen said, leading his friend down the hall.

Colby didn’t let go of Brennen as they and his parents headed downstairs. Brennen tried to steer him clear of most obstacles but he let Colby use the cane and feel his way across the floor. When they walked out the sliding glass doors into the sunlit parking lot, Colby turned his face up to the sun, actually able to lock onto its location.

There was a small smile across his lips.

Brennen asked, “Can you see that?” Because now he was confused.

Colby shrugged. “Not really but like... I can tell that it’s lighter. So like, I guess I can kinda see light?” His face darkened again. “Not that that helps me much.”

”It’s something,” Brennen said, “Total black would be worse, right?”

”I...” Colby pressed his lips together. “Maybe...”

”Stairs here,” Brennen directed Colby as they reached the parking garage. He nodded, using the cane to find the edge of each stair while Brennen’s heart cried out at the injustice of it.

Colby was going up stairs. He shouldn’t have to think so hard about it.

Brennen lead Colby up the stairs, only pausing when he realized that he had arrived at the floor his car was on. “Uh... you wanna ride with me or...” He paused and looked at Colby’s parents who had also paused, not seeming sure what the plan was. “We’re all going back to your apartment, so...”

Unless Colby had changed his mind, which he totally could. Brennen, Brennen probably shouldn’t be here anyway.

”I’ll ride with you,” Colby said quickly, and Brennen caught the almost wounded look on his parents’ faces. But they don’t question him.

”We’ll meet you there then,” His mom said, “Cole, if you could...” She trailed off, wincing, “Brennen, if you could send us the address?”

Brennen felt Colby tighten next to him and he himself almost flinched. “Yeah, I can do that,” He assured her, wanting to reach for Colby in some comforting gesture but not wanting to rub it into his parents’ faces that he needed it.

They just nodded, before heading further up the stairs to their car.

”Colby...” Brennen reached for his shoulder, squeezing it comfortingly.

”I don’t want to talk about it,” Colby said tightly. He started walked away, leaving Brennen to follow so that he could guide.

”It’ll be okay, Brother,” Brennen promised.

”Yeah...” Colby said faintly, but he didn’t say anything else.

Brennen called Sam once they were driving, directing the call over his car’s Bluetooth. It rang a couple of times, before they heard a "Yo," from the other line.

“Yo, what’s up dude? I’ve got Colby in the car.”

”Oh, hey Colby,” Sam said, and Brennen could hear the words that Sam could say, the ones he wouldn’t. “How you doing, bro?”

What Brennen didn’t expect was how much Colby’s face would change once Sam was on the line. A look of exhaustion came over his face, and he seemed to slump in the seat, “You know, I’m blind now, so uh...” He shrugged and Brennen winced, “Could be better I guess.”

”Colby... dude, I’m so sorry,” Sam apologized quickly, “I wish... fuck, I should be there...”

”Sam...” Brennen started but Colby cut him off.

”No, dude, you have shit going on,” Colby disagreed. “I uh... I’ll still be blind when you get back, so uh... no rush.”

”Colby...” Sam said.

”Seriously, it’s fine,” And Colby even tried to force a smile, “Brennen’s got me, okay?”

There was silence for a few seconds, before Sam said, “Okay dude. But I’ll be back Sunday, okay?”

”Don’t worry about it,” Colby insisted, but then he asked, “Have you talked to the team?”

”Yeah, I... oh God...” Brennen can hear the eye roll, “Yeah, Ashley called me at eight o’clock this morning and we talked for like an hour. Fuckin’ John was on the phone too. They fuckin’...” Brennen heard the noise of frustration. “Dude, John wanted to call _you_ this morning and I was like, no, you’re literally in the hospital, he can talk to me about anything, like fuck, dude.”

”What do they think about everything?” Colby asked, and when Brennen glanced over his hands were shaking on the cane.

”They... I dunno, dude. I’ve been told to not post anything about it yet. Ashley said something about “Rebranding” but like... they wouldn’t commit to anything... they wanted me to pass on their “condolences”...” Brennen heard voices behind Sam, “Oh, my parents say hi, Colby.”

Colby cracked a brief smile, “Hi Mom, hi Dad.”

”No, he’s fine, like, Mom, we’re talking about... no, he’s with Brennen, he’s... Okay, just give me a moment, okay?” And then Sam continues, “Okay, so like, the funeral’s gonna start now so I gotta go. But I’ll call back tonight, okay?”

”Oh shit, yeah, no worries, dude,” Colby said, even as Brennen watched him sink down into the chair, “I’ll be okay, seriously.”

”Okay...” Sam didn’t sound like he believed him. “Take care of him, Brennen, okay?”

”We’ll be okay,” Brennen promised. “We’ll talk to you later, okay?” 

“Okay, bye.”

”Bye.”

And Sam hung up.

Colby groaned, setting the cane down and pressing his hands into his eyes. “Fuck...”

”See?” Brennen said, casting a look at Colby, “He’s got it, you’re fine.”

”I should... fuck, I gotta tell the fans...” Colby still had his hands pressed into his eyes.

”Aren’t you supposed to not tell anyone, yet?” Brennen asked, stopping at a red light.

”I uh... shit, I guess but like...” He dropped his hands, pressing them into his lap, “I can’t like, respond to stuff on social media right now because I can’t fucking _see_ and I know they’re all waiting for me to comment on their reactions to the video and...”

”Colby.” Brennen reached over and gripped Colby’s arm, “Dude, it’s okay. We’re gonna be okay. We’ll figure this out.”

”Brennen...”

”If it’s negative I don’t want to hear it,” Brennen warned. Colby pressed his lips together and turned his head away. “We’re gonna figure it out. You’re going to be fine.”

“Okay...” Colby said faintly. “Okay...” He moved his hand over to squeeze Brennen’s hand where it gripped his arm. He didn’t try to meet Brennen’s eyes, but there was a slightly lighter look on his face.

”Colby...”

And then a loud honk startled both of them. “Fuck!” Brennen yelled, pressing on the gas. He hadn’t even noticed the light turning green. 

And he didn’t expect it so he didn’t hear it correctly at first, but when he thought back later, he could have sworn he heard a faint laugh from Colby.

Colby seemed to relax a little bit once they were parked in the guest parking under his apartment building. Brennen figured it had something to do with the fact that he would actually know the layout of the terrain around him, at least vaguely, from memory, from the times Brennen had driven him around before.

”Hold on,” Brennen called quickly as Colby went to open his door, worried about it hitting the car next to them. When Colby’s face turned quizzical, he explained quickly. “I wanna get the door for you, boo.”

Colby was startled into a short grin, even as a small amount of hurt passed over his face, letting Brennen know that he had caught onto Brennen’s train of thinking. “Sure thing, boo,” He commented back, letting himself lean back in the chair, lightly gripping his cane.

Brennen unbuckled, hopping out of his side of the car and moving quickly to Colby’s side. Colby turned his face towards Brennen as Brennen opened his door and he extended a shaky hand. Brennen gripped it, guiding Colby out of the car and letting Colby follow him out from between the cars.

Colby went to start tapping his cane, but paused, a look of panic overtaking his face. “Brennen... people will see...”

And Brennen felt the same fear hit him, because Colby was right. Someone was bound to see him using the cane. From there, the rumors would start. And he didn’t know if Colby could handle that right now, even if he couldn’t see the social media shitstorm that would bring. “Uh... uh...” He thought quickly, trying to figure out how they could justify this.

And then another stroke of genius struck him. “I have my camera,” He said, “I’ll just have it out, like it’s filming, and you can close your eyes, maybe? Like a Birdbox challenge video?” 

At first, Colby looked incredulous, but as he continued to think about it he nodded. “Yeah, that could work. Actually uh... might not be a bad idea for next week's video...”

”See, now you’re thinking!” Brennen crowed, digging around in the back of his car for his camera. He pulled it out with a victorious noise, turning it on and opening the lens like he was going to record. Except that he didn’t press the record button. “Alright,” He said, “Close your eyes.”

Colby took and released a deep breath, but nodded, closing his eyes obediently.

Not like it really made a difference. And that hurt Brennen’s chest.

”Why didn’t you ever do this idea?” Brennen asked, trying to start up a conversation as they started walking towards the elevator. And he continued to fill the air with idle chatter, monologuing in a way that he had only really gotten good at after he started social media. Colby chipped in with comments from time to time, all lines that he would have said if they were actually filming a video. And as they did so, Brennen watched as Colby slowly started to relax. His movements with the cane were still agitated and unfamiliar, but his face seemed looser somehow.

Okay. Acting like nothing was wrong seemed to be helping Colby. Brennen could do that.

Because nothing was wrong. Everything would be okay.

They made it back up to Colby’s apartment somehow like that, Brennen pulling out the copy of Colby’s key he still had from days long gone, back when he was always over, before Emily.

”You still have the key, bro?” Colby had seemed worried when they were approaching the door, but now he looked in appreciation at Brennen.

”Why would I lose the key to my boyfriend’s apartment?” Brennen asked playfully, wrapping an arm around Colby’s shoulders. “It’s leftover from all our sleepovers.” A sense of nagging worry came over him suddenly, “If that’s okay?”

”No, no, it’s fine,” Colby assured him quickly, “I just... didn’t know you had kept it on the key ring.” And that emotion was legitimate, like he didn’t think Brennen would have kept it. But then... with the way their friendship had faltered previously... Brennen could see it.

”Colby... of course I did,” Brennen said softly, dropping all pretense of playful flirting. “You’re my best friend, dude.”

Colby just nodded, before Brennen opened the door and they both stepped into the apartment. Colby dropped his hand on Brennen as soon as they were inside, and Brennen closed the door, watching Colby step forward. His fingers traced along the wall to his side, lightly tracking his location. He made it to the couch, stepping carefully until he touched the couch. Brennen could feel in the air how much tension had dropped now that Colby was in a familiar place.

”It’s good to be home,” He commented quietly. “Damn... I have a new appreciation for Sam doing those blind hide and seek videos. You think you know a place.”

”You’ll get used to it again,” Brennen assured him, leaning against a wall and crossing his arms.

”I’d better,” Colby commented, continuing his blind walking tour of his apartment.

Brennen almost didn’t see the merch pile on the floor until it was too late. “Colby!” He yelled, and Colby turned, but the turning caused his foot to catch on the hanger and he stumbled with a yell.

And then with a speed Brennen didn’t know he possessed he was there, gripping around Colby’s shoulders and pulling Colby into him to catch and steady him. Colby’s back was warm against his chest, and as Colby turned as if to look at him, something passed between them.

And then it was gone again, and Brennen helped Coby stand up again. Colby chuckled nervously, running a hand through his hair as he grimaced. “I guess I have an excuse to keep my apartment clean now, huh?”

Brennen just nodded. Then he corrected himself. “Yeah,” He said, “You good, dude?”

Colby hesitated for a moment, but then he nodded. “Yeah... I’m okay.” He thought for a moment. “Hungry though.”

”I’ll see what’s in the fridge,” Brennen said, stepping away from Colby.

At least, he tried. At some point during the falling and the catching Colby’s hands had wrapped around Brennen’s arms, and he clung on for just a moment longer than was strictly necessary.

Brennen cleared his throat. “Uh... you have to let go of me first, dude.”

Colby’s hands flew off of him like he had caught fire. “Sorry,” He said quickly, then tried to turn it into a joke, “Just can’t get enough of you, dude.”

Okay, Colby wanted to joke? That was fine too. “I know you can’t, I’m irresistible,” Brennen teased, smacking Colby on the back lightly. “But I’m also hungry, so let’s eat.”

”Sounds good!” And Brennen tried not to think about it too hard as he walked away. His words to Emily came back to him then.

_"It's just how we are. There's nothing between us, Em."_

But he knew that even then it was a lie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not entirely sure where this is going, but here's some more of it. I feel like they're putzing around a bit but like, I also feel like all this realism stuff is necessary? I dunno, we'll see what happens.
> 
> As always, hope you enjoyed, and I'll see you all in the next one!


	3. Chapter 3

Kobe just about lost his little doggy mind when Brennen walked in the door. "Hey Bud, hey buddy, I'm so sorry I had to leave you, I'm sorry, I know, I know. You wanna go potty?" Kobe's whole body jumped, his tail whipping back and forth as he alternated between pressing himself again Brennen for pets and moving towards the door to get outside.

"Okay bud, I gotcha," Brennen grinned as he opened the door to the backyard and the little dog rocketed outside, straight to his favorite little plant to pee on.

Brennen sat down on the porch, watching as his dog frolicked in the mid afternoon sun.

Brennen had called in an emergency favor with his mom to let Kobe out last night and this morning, which he felt kinda bad about but he couldn't have imagined leaving Colby at that time, alone after...

Fuck. Colby.

Brennen's chest still hurt for what he knew his friend was going through. It had been less than 24 hours and Brennen already couldn't imagine never seeing Colby's eyes actually meet his again. The little bit of tension that had left his body when Brennen had been with him had returned the minute his parents had, and Brennen felt absolutely awful when he said that he needed to step out for a little bit to go take care of Kobe, shower, get a change of clothes and honestly? Just fuckin' regroup.

Brennen was still reeling from the change to both their lives, because while it was Colby who had lost his sight, Brennen knew that it was something that was going to affect both of them. Because this was Colby. This was Brennen's best friend. The guy who had... the guy who had changed his life irrevocably when he came into it five years ago.

The guy who had left him questioning if a lot of that things he had accepted as fact were true at all.

"Hey buddy, you miss me?" Kobe had wandered back over to his human, pressing his paws against Brennen's legs and getting all up in his space as he tried to show Brennen just how much he had missed him. "Yeah, I know, I know, I'm sorry, bud, I know..." He scratched absentmindedly at the little dog's ears. "But you got to see Grandma, right? You love Grandma..." Kobe didn't seem to understand his words, still making it clear how much he loved his human. "Yeah, I know..."

Brennen scooped the dog up into his lap, still petting him affectionately. It was at that point that he got a vivid mental image of Colby, holding Kobe against him and letting the dog cover his face in kisses.

_"You know, I'm getting kinda jealous of my son getting more kisses than I do, Brother..." Brennen had teased in a silly voice, watching the two._

_He was joking, he was totally joking right?_

_Colby matched his silly voice, "Well then, why don't you come over here and get some kisses, Brother?" He shot back, laughing and pushing against Brennen's chest as Brennen took the threat seriously, coming over and trying to press his face close to Colby's knowing that Colby would push him back, banking on it._

_Because he didn't want to actually kiss Colby right?_

_Their playful wrestling was broken up by an indignant bark from Kobe, annoyed that his pets had stopped, and Brennen pulled away, still laughing uproariously._

_Because he hadn't actually wanted to kiss Colby,_ _right?_

"Alright, little guy, I need to go take a shower. I stink of fucking hospital," Brennen informed the dog, "You wanna come with me or you wanna stay outside?" Kobe didn't respond of course, but when Brennen went to go inside the dog followed him, making his choice clear. "Alright, inside it is," Brennen laughed, smiling at the dog.

God, there were times when having to worry about Kobe was a pain in the ass, but there were so many more when he was so glad he had the little guy with him.

Feeling the hot shower water cascading over his back was one of the best feelings Brennen could think of in recent memory. All the stress, anxiety, and adrenaline of the last day almost able to be washed away by the hot water.

Almost.

Except that Brennen still knew that Colby was still at home. That he was going to have to adjust to a world without sight, as much as Brennen desperately wanted to believe that the his eyes would heal, maybe... maybe saying shit like that to Colby was actually making things worse.

Because what if his vision didn't come back?

"Fuck..." Brennen groaned, because now all the relaxation was gone, and stress sat heavily back in his shoulders again. His best friend was blind, and he... he needed to be there to help him. "Fuck, fuck, okay..."

He got out of the shower, toweling off quickly before he started throwing his bathroom kit into a bag. He was staying... what? At least through Sunday so he should have this stuff right? He moved into his bedroom, throwing clothes back on and then throwing more clothes into a bag. It was mostly comfy stuff. Brennen didn't think that Colby would be in the mood to go out in public.

Besides, the only person he would be trying to impress was blind now.

_Wait... what?_

"Uh..." Brennen pursed his lips as he glanced around the room. What else did he need? He pretty much had everything... "You ready to go to Grandma's?" Brennen asked Kobe, who had curled up on his bed, watching his human curiously. "You get to hang out with Grandma for the next few days while I take care of Colby, okay?"

Kobe cocked a head at him, but Brennen liked to think that the little dog understood him. "Yeah, I know. She's gonna spoil you and you're gonna get fat. Then we'll both have to go to the gym," Brennen continued talk to the dog.

It helped with his anxiety. Because there was no way in hell he was going to let Colby see him freaking out. Colby had enough on his plate.

Not that Colby could see him anyway.

That hurt him somewhere deep in his soul, and he shook himself, heading off to pack up Kobe's things.

Brennen had just wrapped up dropping Kobe off at his mom's and was driving back over to Colby's when Sam called him. "Yo, what's..."

But Sam was already talking, "Dude, you gotta get back to Colby, he's freaking out."

"What?" Brennen's heart was already up in his throat as he subconsciously pressed on the gas. "Are his parents with him?"

"No, dude, he told them to leave and then he was like on the phone with me and we were talking about channel shit and he just started hyperventilating and then he hung up, Brennen, fuck, you gotta... you gotta go see if he's okay." There was panic in Sam's voice.

"Sam, I'm on it. I'm like twenty minutes away but I'm driving as fast as I can, okay?"

"I... fuck, I fucking hate that I'm in Kansas right now because I can't fucking do anything for Colby..."

"Sam, you're okay," Brennen promised, trying to sound calmer than he felt, "Dude, he'll be okay. I've got him, okay?"

"I know, I know, I..." Sam made a noise of frustration. "I'm just... I'm so fucking worried about him..." Sam sighed, even as Brennen heard Kat's soothing voice on the other end, "Brennen... fuck, he's freaking out..."

Brennen nodded even though he knew that wouldn't translate over phone. "I was wondering when it would finally hit him," Brennen said tightly, because he had hoped that he would be there for it, knew there would be some sort of emotional explosion. "What the hell happened?"

"It's my fault. I shouldn't have let him talk about the fucking channel shit," Sam groaned, and Brennen swore as he blew through a very orange traffic signal. "He just... He brought it up and I thought he was going to be okay with it because he seemed so calm..."

"What did you guys talk about?" Brennen asked, terrified about the words that might come out of Sam's mouth.

"John and Ashley think we should tell everyone sooner rather than later," Sam said, "Like, fuck, they want Colby to tell everyone by Friday."

A cold ball dropped into the bottom of Brennen's stomach. "That's... that's less than a week away," Brennen stated in disbelief, probably unnecessarily, as he was sure Sam already knew the time frame. "He just... fuck, all of this just happened yesterday!"

"I know, I know," Sam said tightly, "But... I hate it because I think they're right? 'Cause like... Fuck dude, who knows how long it'll take him to adjust? And Colby and I are going to have to rethink a lot of the shit we do for the duo channel if he can't see unless we want to play some sort of blind medium card..."

"Please fuckin' tell me you didn't say that to him," Brennen muttered, ignoring the honks and middle fingers he got for taking that last turn.

Sam's guilty silence told him he had. "It was Ashley's idea?" He tried as a defense.

"God damn it," Brennen whispered, "I just... I just feel like that's not what he needs to be focusing on right now, you know?"

"Yeah, I know..." Sam said, and he heard the groan on the other side of the line, "I just thought that maybe if he could kinda think about all the options we do have instead of the ones that we don't it might help? I just like... It's a good thing we're not doing 'bando videos anymore."

"Seriously," Brennen said, feeling a clench of fear in his heart at the idea of blind Colby anywhere near those old, ruined buildings. "You guys can still do your ghost hunting shit, he'll just miss the visual stuff."

"I know, that's what I was trying to tell him but then we started talking about telling people and uh... he kinda freaked out... which like, I totally get... that video's gonna fuckin' suck..."

"Assuming his eyes don't heal by then," Brennen said.

He knew immediately that that had been the wrong thing to say. There was an awkward silence from Sam. He heard a heavy sigh from the other end of the line before Sam spoke again. "Brennen... I really don't think you should be telling him that."

"Why?" Brennen asked, suddenly feeling defensive.

"Because I don't..." Sam's voice was agonized, "I really don't want him to have his hopes up for something that probably won't happen." Brennen swallowed, because he knew that, but like... there was still a chance, right? "I talked to his parents about what the doctors said and it's like... _so_ unlikely that that'll happen..."

"Unlikely doesn't mean that it won't," Brennen said stubbornly.

"I know that," Sam said sadly, "But like... I think he needs to expect that they won't so that he can get used to life being blind so that he's not like, just waiting for his eyes to heal," Sam paused for a moment, before he said, "'Cause like, they probably won't. You... you fuckin' know that, dude. You heard the same shit his parents did."

And even though Brennen knew Sam was probably right it didn't mean that he had to like it. "You haven't seen him, Sam," Brennen said, gripping the steering wheel tightly. "He's so fucked up about this. When he woke up the first time, and he couldn't fucking see..." Brennen swallowed back horror at the memory, remembering the sheer panic in Colby's body, "Dude, it broke my fuckin' heart. He was so scared, and even now... he's fucking terrified."

"I know..." And now even Sam sounded like he might be trying not to cry, "I'm so scared for him. I know the fans won't leave, if anything this'll probably bring more people in but..." And Brennen hated that Sam had to think about that when their best friend had just been blinded, "But him... I know he'll adjust but... it just fucking sucks."

And that was something that Brennen could wholeheartedly agree with.

Brennen probably shouldn't have been driving the way he was given their current track record with car accidents, but he couldn't bring himself to regret it when he made it back to Colby's in just over ten minutes. The parking gods were smiling on him because he was able to find a spot in the guest parking with little trouble. Having parked the car, he tore over to the elevator, barely having the presence of mind to grab his overnight shit before he was moving. The elevator felt painfully slow, but before long the door to the fifth floor was opening and Brennen could sprint down to Colby's apartment.

The front door was locked when he got there, and Brennen unlocked it quickly, stepping into the apartment. "Colby?"

There was no one in the main room, a half eaten pizza on the counter, the remains of the one that Brennen had left behind when he left. But no Colby. "Colby?" He called again, louder this time.

"Go away, Brennen," Colby's voice came from behind his bedroom door, and Brennen's heart broke just a little bit more at the pain and anger in the voice he heard.

"Colby, bro, talk to me," Brennen said, walking over to the bedroom door, not happy but not surprised to find it locked.

"Go away, Brennen," Colby repeated, and Brennen heard something crash in his room, along with a muttered swear from Colby. What the fuck had that been?

"Colby, I'm not leaving," Brennen said tightly, "Can you please open the door?"

"I know you have better shit to do than to worry about me," Colby said, and Brennen hated the self-loathing that was in his voice, "Just fuckin' cut your losses and go."

Brennen swallowed down the instinctive anger that wanted to come out at the way Colby was talking to him. But he knew Colby was just hurt and angry at the world and lashing out at the only other person here right now. So he kept his calm. "I'm not going anywhere, dude."

"Then fine, you can just stay on the other side of that door," Brennen heard another _bang_ and a swear from Colby.

 _Shit..._ Worry stole over his heart. "Dude, don't hurt yourself," Brennen warned him, "I will break down this door so fast..."

"Don't you fucking dare."

"I will if I think you're being destructive in there," Brennen threatened.

"I just... fuck!" Colby snarled, and Brennen heard a thud against the door that was probably a fist hitting it. Brennen jumped back in surprise, but quickly recouped.

"Colby..." Colby was right on the other side of that door. So close but so far.

"Just go away!" Colby yelled finally, "I don't want to talk to anyone about this, I... I'm fucking blind Brennen!"

Brennen took a centering breath because he was not going to escalate this, even as his heart ached at Colby’s words. "Yeah, I know, I was there, and I'm sorry..." Brennen said, pressing his hand against the door in an effort to reach the person standing just behind it, "Come on dude, we don't have to talk about any of this, but I'd like to be able to see your face when I'm talking to you."

He knew immediately that had been the wrong thing to say, because even as he was already kicking himself he heard Colby's voice break as he snapped back, "Yeah, you know, I would too!"

 _Stupid, stupid, stupid..._ "Colby... fuck, dude, I'm sorry, that's not what I meant..." Brennen said, quieter than he had been talking before.

He heard a dark scoff from Colby. Heavy footsteps as he stormed away from the door. Brennen's heart ached at the display of so much darkness in his friend. "Colby, I'm sorry," Brennen said, "Dude, I fucked up, and I'm sorry I left you earlier. But can you please come out so I can give you a hug?" There was silence for a few seconds. Brennen heard his heartbeat in his ears, thought he could almost hear Colby's breathing. Brennen repeated again, hoping Colby would let him in, "Brother... please? I love you. We can get through this."

There was silence for another long few seconds. And then Brennen heard movement from in the room again, footsteps moving towards the door to the room. And then the lock clicked, and the door opened, and Brennen saw Colby's blotchy and tear streaked face looking at him again. Mostly looking at him. His eyes still missed locking onto Brennen by quite a bit.

_Ow..._

"I'm going to hug you, okay?" Brennen asked, making sure that Colby would know that he was coming so that he didn't scare the crap out of his friend. Colby nodded shakily, angry tension making his body tight, but he still let Brennen wrap him up in his arms. "God, Colby, I'm so fucking sorry..."

It took a few seconds, but slowly, Brennen felt the angry tension dissipate, felt Colby lean more into the hug. "Dude... dude, I've got you, I've got you, Brother," Brennen said soothingly, and he just repeated it until he felt Colby start to hold him back, until he felt that desperate, aggressive energy fade.

Felt the real emotions come out.

"Brennen...” Colby breathed, gripping shaking fingers into Brennen’s shirt, “Brennen... dude, I'm so scared..." And something broke in his voice again and before he knew it he was holding Colby tightly against his chest as tears soaked into his shirt.

”Hey, hey... it’s okay... it’s okay, bro...” Colby didn't cry in the traditional way. There were no audible sobs, just trembling with the occasional ragged breath sucked in against his chest, but the tears still came, and Brennen just held his best friend against him as he worked through the worst of his emotions.

At some point, Colby's knees gave out, and he and Brennen ended up on the floor of the apartment, Colby kneeling over his lap as Brennen leaned back against the wall, holding Colby securely against his chest. The shudders tapered off first, but Colby didn't pull back from where he had his face buried in Brennen's shoulder when next he spoke.

Not that the view would be much different. So really it made sense that he didn't move.

"I'm sorry..." Colby whispered, the first words since his emotions had boiled over, "I'm sorry I... that I snapped at you."

"Dude, it's already forgiven," Brennen said honestly, running his nails soothingly up and down Colby's back. "You kinda got a lot going on. I was honestly surprised you hadn't lost it earlier." Colby just nodded into his shoulder, releasing another shudder. "Hey, I'm here now, okay? I'm here now and I'm not going to leave you okay? Even if you're blind. You're still my best friend and I love you, okay? We're gonna make this work." He stroked a hand up into Colby's hair. "I would never, ever, ever abandon you, okay? You're stuck with me, like it or not."

He heard a short laugh against his shoulder. "Just when I thought I'd finally gotten rid of you," Colby joked.

"Not today, brother, not even close," Brennen promised.

”Fuck...” Colby laughed wetly. “How the fuck am I going to get through telling the fans?”

 _Fuck..._ Brennen stiffened a little bit, and he was sure Colby felt it. “You don’t have to, Colby. You know that.”

But Colby shook his head, lifting his head off of Brennen’s shoulder. He scrubbed at his face with his hand before he spoke. “Yeah I do,” He said, shrugging, “It would... it would feel like lying. Besides...” Brennen wasn’t sure Colby was aware of the path the fingers on his other hand were taking, tracing the muscles of Brennen’s arm lightly, “I’m sure they’ve figured out that something is wrong. I haven’t posted in like... well... since the accident.”

Brennen watched Colby’s fingers, lips pressed together as he thought. Because Colby had a point. His fan base was attentive like that. “I’m sure Sam’s taking care of it,” He assured his friend.

Colby shrugged again, “Yeah,” He said, “I’m sure he is. But like... I don’t want him to have to, you know?” And Brennen half expected a hurt expression across Colby’s face, but what he saw instead was one of determination. “I can’t... I’m not going to let this change anything. So what? I can’t see,” His voice shook a little bit but he didn’t let that deter him. “So I make it work. I’ve never let anything stop me before. Why should this be any different?”

Brennen felt a smile tug at his lips. That was the Colby he knew and loved. “Exactly, Brother. We’re gonna figure this out, okay?”

Colby nodded, a determined smile growing across his lips. “ _I’m_ going to figure this out,” He corrected, and Brennen only had a few moments to feel almost hurt before Colby explained, “I appreciate the help, Brother, but like... _I_ need to do this, you know? I’m the one who has to... has to live with it.”

Brennen nodded, but he still stroked Colby’s back. “I know,” He said, “Just let me know what you need, okay? Me and Sam... we’re here for you, okay?”

Brennen felt Colby’s hand stop in its stroking to grip Brennen’s arm. “And I... I really appreciate that, dude. More than you know.”

Brennen pressed his own hand over Colby’s. Squeezing it firmly. He felt Colby’s body warmth against him, solid and reassuring. Colby was here, Colby was a little bit messed up, but he would be okay. He would make it work.

And that was the Colby he knew. 

Colby grinned at him, finally pushing himself back up to his feet. “Dude, is there any pizza left? I didn’t eat enough earlier ‘cause I was feeling kinda nauseous.”

Brennen let him go, only regretting a little bit the lack of contact. “Yeah, there’s still pizza, but it’s probably cold now,” He wrinkled his face in distaste. “You wanna order some? Pizza’s on me.”

Colby thought for a moment, then nodded. “Yeah, that would be good. This stuff’s not that great anyway.”

”Then why did you buy it?” Brennen pulled his phone out to pull up the app, watching Colby navigate to the cabinet where he kept his cups. Everything in Brennen wanted to go and help him when he missed the right one at first, but that wasn’t the point.

Colby was right. He had to do this for himself.

”It seemed like a good idea at the time?” Colby said with a grin, “I was buying pizza out too much.” He found the cup, moving back over to the water dispenser on his fridge. Brennen watched him carefully align the cup with the spigot so that he wouldn’t miss.

”I applaud your effort,” Brennen commented with a grin, pushing himself to his feet as well. “But delivery is way better.”

”Agreed, Brother,” Colby said, taking a sip from the water. It was only about half full, and Brennen wasn’t sure if that was intentional or an effort to not spill the water but either way, he wasn’t going to say anything. This was Colby’s life.

”I should uh... probably shower,” Colby says, sniffing his armpit and wincing. “I still smell like hospital.”

”Dude, it was the first thing I did when I got home after I let Kobe out,” Brennen agreed, quickly keying in his regular order for delivery to Colby’s address. “I hate the smell of hospital. It’s too clean, you know?”

”Uh huh,” Colby nodded, slowly navigating his way back to his room. “You gonna be okay out here while I do that?”

”Yeah, I’ll be good,” Brennen assured him, having the quell his urge to ask Colby if he needed any help with the shower. Entirely because Colby was doing it for the first time blind, not because of any other reason... “I’ll call Sam back and let him know you’re okay.”

Colby froze in his path towards his room. “Oh fuck, Sam,” He muttered, “I fucking... shit, he’s probably freaking out...”

”Hey, it’s okay, I’ve got it,” Brennen tried to deflect but Colby shook his head.

”No, I’m going to start taking control of this shit,” Colby said firmly. “I’m gonna need help with some shit, but like... I can call Sam.” He paused for a moment, and then a guilty and irritated look crawled across his face. “I just might need help finding my phone. I kinda uh... threw it...”

Brennen cringed, and he was almost glad that Colby couldn’t see his expression.

Almost.

”No worries, dude.” He moved past Colby quickly into his room, seeing the disarray that had been left behind during Colby’s breakdown. It only took him a moment to locate the phone, thankfully in one piece and not broken at all despite the throw. He moved back to Colby and pressed it into his hand.

Then he saw Colby’s face. His lips were pressed tightly together, and he wasn’t even trying to look at Brennen, a look of almost... _anger_ on his face. Anger and jealousy. “Colby?” Brennen asked cautiously.

But Colby shook his head, relaxing his face with effort, “Just uh... Being blind’s going to be a learning curve, dude.” He shifted uneasily. “I can’t just throw stuff anymore because I have to listen to where it lands because I can’t just _look_ for it you know?” And there was the bitterness again.

Brennen winced again. “Yeah...” He said, not really sure what else to say.

But then Colby seemed to move past it, and Brennen was so glad to see that. “Alright, well, I’m gonna call Sam,” He said, then I’m going to shower. Then pizza and uh... maybe a movie?”

”Or an audiobook? Maybe?” Brennen suggested, explaining at Colby’s perplexed look, “So like... we both can enjoy it?” He’d read about that online when he was googling how best to help Colby.

Colby paused, but he nodded, sending a grateful look in Brennen’s direction. “Yeah... yeah, that would be good.”

Brennen put a hand on Colby’s shoulder, trying not to feel guilty when Colby jumped a little bit. “I’ll find something good, okay?”

”Thank you, Brennen,” Colby said quietly. “I really, really appreciate it.”

And Brennen knew he did, even as he felt a little flutter in his heart. “Sure thing, Brother,” He said, “I’ve got you.” He let go of Colby’s shoulder, “Now you should go call Sam before he calls the National Guard on us.”

Colby chuckled a little bit. “I will, I will.” And he turned and walked into his room, Brennen hearing a quiet, “Call Sam Golbach,” Before the door closed.

Brennen stared after him for a few seconds, feeling a smile on his lips. Then he pulled out his phone and started googling good things to listen to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys like slow burns right?
> 
> So, I guess I’ve decided on Mondays or Fridays for updates if I’m gonna have them. This chapter kind poured itself out over the weekend so it goes up today, but I’m still gonna try to have something else up for Friday. If not, I’ll see you guys on the following Monday. Maybe give some predictability to my posting schedule.
> 
> Of course, let me know if you guys are enjoying! And thank you so much to everyone who does, especially my lovely friend InfiniteKittie. I look forward to your thoughts every chapter.
> 
> I’ll see you all in the next one!


	4. Chapter 4

Sam and Colby talked a long time, almost an hour by Brennen's watch. He knocked on Colby's door to pass him some pizza, but otherwise let the two talk about what they needed to talk about. Colby seemed stable, so Brennen let him and Sam talk alone.

Besides, it really wasn't any of Brennen's business.

He saw the first of their discussions roll out in the form of a group chat text from Sam. It read simply, _Hey guys, so Colby was in a car accident yesterday. He's home now, but we've got some stuff to talk to you guys about. Pizza night tomorrow night when I'm back in town. Please don't blow up his phone, he's dealing with some stuff. We'll tell you everything tomorrow._

The group chat exploded after that, of course, with everyone wanting to know if Colby was okay, what was going on, but Sam just responded with, _We'll tell you tomorrow. Please let us deal with this._

The next decision Brennen saw went up on Twitter on their duo account, copied minutes later to Sam's account. _Hey guys, Colby was in a car accident yesterday. He'll be okay and he's home now, but he's going to not be posting as much for a little bit. We'll fill you in on everything when we can!_

Brennen noticed very specifically the wording of "He'll be okay." Ambiguous enough to not freak out the fans, but to also hide that they weren't being let in on everything right now. Brennen watched the tweet explode. Shit, Sam hadn't been wrong about their fanbase.

The responses were all supportive, but most wanted to know more. Sam didn't respond any further, and he heard the conversation between Sam and Colby continue in the other room.

Brennen was keyed in that their conversation had finally stopped when he heard the shower start. Brennen sighed, texting Sam a quick, _Everything go okay?_

Sam responded pretty quickly. Yeah... _well as I could have hoped..._ Sam answered, _He seems better._

 _I thought so too,_ Brennen said, casting a look at Colby’s bedroom, _He kinda cried it out when I got here._

 _Fuck_... Came Sam’s reply. _Colby’s not a crier..._

 _I know..._ Brennen sent back. Because he did know that. Colby wasn’t someone to just cry at the drop of a hat. The only time he had seen Colby get close was at the release of Metalife, but that had only been a few tears of happiness. The fact that Colby had been actually crying into his shoulder... It spoke of how losing his sight was really affecting him. _He’s pretty fucked up about all of this._

 _I’ll be back tomorrow,_ Sam sent back, _I’m sorry to put you through this._

Brennen rolled his eyes. _Dude, don’t worry about it. You’ve got other stuff going on. Colby’s my brother and I’m glad to help him if I can._ But then the question he had wondered before occurred to him, because yes he was happy to help Colby, but he didn’t seem like the instinctual first choice. God, he had felt so out of place because it should have been Jake or Corey or Sam...

He sent back to Sam, _So... why did you call me? Like of everyone you could have?_

Sam didn’t respond for a long moment Brennen navigated back to the google page he was flipping through, looking for some sort of podcast or something they could listen to together. He currently liked the reviews on something called “Tales from the Gas Station”. Sounded like his and Colby’s sense of humor.

When Sam messaged him again Brennen opened his phone right away, not really sure what he was expecting. The reply stated, _Because of how you two are together._ A separate text, _He’d_ _want you there before anyone else._

Huh. He never would have thought that. But _what about like Jake or Corey?_ He typed. Or like anyone else, Brennen thought to himself.

 _Can you really picture Jake taking this well?_ Came Sam’s reply.

Brennen huffed a laugh. _Good point._. Jake had a wonderful habit of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.

 _No, dude. If I can’t be there, he’d want you,_ Sam sent, and that sent a warm little flame licking at his insides. Because to know that he was Colby’s choice of company in a crappy situation, only after Sam... It spoke highly of what Colby thought of him.

 _I didn’t realize he liked me so much ;p_ Brennen added the emoji to make it clear that he was joking to Sam, even if the joke spoke a little too close to a real insecurity.

 _He likes you more than you know,_ Came Sam’s reply, and Brennen only had a moment to ponder that before he heard his name being called. 

”Brennen?” That was Colby’s voice, and when Brennen thought about it, he realized the shower was off.

Colby must be done. “Yo, what’s up, dude?” He called, hopping off the couch towards Colby’s room.

”Uh... kinda need help with the whole clothes thing...” Colby said tightly, and Brennen saw that the bathroom door open, saw a brief flash of tanned skin before he ducked back out of line of sight. _Shit..._

”You decent?” He asked, not quiet sure why his heart was beating so hard. This was Colby. He’d seen him half dressed a thousand times before...

”I’ve got a towel,” Colby said, and Brennen chanced looking back into the bathroom, seeing that indeed, Colby had a towel tied around his waist. Water still dripped from his hair onto his bare chest, skin pink from the heat of the shower. “Just realized that clothes would uh... be easier with help?” He shrugged, but the tightness in his shoulders belied the attempted casualness.

”Yeah, sure,” Brennen nodded, aware even as he did it that Colby couldn’t see it. “What are you feeling? Got sweatpants or something?”

Colby nodded, looking up at the bathroom lights, once again locking almost uncannily onto them. It brought the question to Brennen’s mind again, and he asked, “What are you seeing? Like, when you look at the lights?”

”Not much,” Colby said wryly, but he didn’t stop looking at them. “It’s like... fuck, I dunno how to explain it.” He thought for a few moments. “Uh... so like when you’ve got your eyes closed, you know how you can still kinda see light levels? Like If you like stare at the sun or something?”

”Uh huh,” Brennen said, conscious of giving a verbal response.

”So uh... like that, but like slightly more detail because uh...” He gestured at the lights, “I can see that the lights are separate bulbs, but they’re still like, mostly just blobs?” His voice lifted in question at the end. “I dunno, it’s fuckin’ weird, dude.”

Brennen nodded, “Sounds like it.” He thought for a moment, before closing his own eyes and seeing if he could even begin to simulate what Colby might be experiencing. And he could kinda see what Colby was talking about. There was definitely a difference between looking up at the lights and down at the ground, but like... for that to be the only think he could ever see again... He opened his eyes as hurt stole through him again, seeing the forlorn look on Colby’s face. “Dude...” Brennen said, reaching out to touch Colby’s shoulder. The skin was warm and moist under his fingers, still soaking in the shower water.

Colby didn’t jump this time, just turning his face to “look” at Brennen again, lost blue eyes seeking hazel. “It’s fine...” Colby said, shrugging again, his shoulder moving under Brennen’s fingers. “I’ll uh... I’ll get used to it.”

 _I wish you didn’t have to_... but Brennen didn’t say that. What good would it do? He just squeezed Colby’s shoulder again, “I know you will,” He said firmly. “You’re mother fucking Colby Brock.”

Colby even cracked a grin at that. “Hell yeah, I am,” He said, “Now if you’re done staring at me, I’d like at least some pants.”

”Just admiring my boyfriend, babe,” Brennen shot back almost on instinct, the easy banter masking the fact that he had definitely been doing that, staring at the lines of the muscles on Colby’s chest and stomach, the way the muscles of his biceps and triceps twisted down his arms, well defined and...

_What the actual fuck, Taylor?_

He pulled back, maybe a little quicker than he might have otherwise, admonishing himself for even letting his mind go there, for his mind going anywhere close to wanting to _do things_ to Colby Brock... _Nope. Nope. Nope._ That was going in the we are _not_ fucking thinking about _that_ box. 

Colby had just lost any functional sight. The last thing he needed was his best friend fucking lusting after him.

... Was that what it was?

_Oh fuck..._

”Brennen?” Speaking of the devil... Brennen looked up to see he had pretty much frozen in his initial scan of Colby’s room for some comfy pants, immobilized by the slowly aligning realizations. Colby was looking in his direction with concern on his face, and Brennen felt his heart stutter as Colby’s eyes even managed to appear to meet his own.

_Oh fuck, he had it fucking bad..._

”I’m good, dude, just looking,” Brennen said, and he was fairly impressed with himself for the fact that his voice came out so evenly. “Everything you own is black so they all look the same.” Even teasing him. Good job, brain.

Colby rolled his eyes, sending Brennen the middle finger. “You’re gonna be better at it than me,” He said, and Brennen worried for a moment about the darkness of the comment until he saw the teasing grin Colby slid at him.

”We’ll have to organize everything so that you can find it,” Brennen said, taking inventory of the room, seeing a pair of sweatpants on the ground by the bed along with one of Colby’s merch shirts. “No more having a clean and dirty laundry pile.”

”God, I’m gonna turn into Sam,” Colby lamented, crossing his arms over his chest, making the muscles bunch in a very flattering-

_No, stop._

”Sam doesn’t lose shit, though,” Brennen shrugged, “I see the appeal. I lose shit all the time.” He touched Colby’s arm before he passed him the clothes, suddenly conscious of how much he was touching his friend, “Here you go, dude. I think they’re clean enough.”

Colby brought the shirt and pants up to his nose, sniffing them carefully. “Yeah, seem good to go.” He shrugged.

“I’ll let you get changed,” Brennen said, definitely _not_ trying to get out of a room with the guy he’d just realized he might have some not so straight feelings for.

”Cool,” And Brennen saw Colby go for the towel as he dipped out of the room.

Brennen dropped back into the couch, pulling out his phone and glancing haphazardly at the screen. He didn’t really see what he was looking at however, doing it more as a nervous habit while his brain sorted through the confusing feelings that were all the sudden beating at his brain.

It wasn’t that Brennen hadn’t had feelings for guys before. He totally had, usually in the crotch region. He’d settled pretty early on in his adulthood that whatever he was, it wasn’t 100% straight. But whatever it was, there had never been a reason to talk about it, because it just never ended up working out that the guys he was into were into him, or he was with a girl at the time. So he was sure the world knew him as straight. Well, except for that one guy he had almost boned in Miami but he was pretty sure that they had both been so drunk that it was a miracle B _rennen_ remembered it at all.

But this... this wasn’t some one off guy. Wasn’t just a twitch in his pants at the idea of a pretty face sucking his dick, although now his brain was happily transplanting Colby into that image and Brennen scrubbed both hands at his face because he could _not_ do this right now.

Colby had just lost his sight.

Colby was vulnerable.

Colby needed his help.

Not his dick.

Nice as that would be- _no, stop!_

Colby was coming out of his room and Brennen tried desperately to school himself. Because even though he knew Colby couldn’t see his expression he still felt guilty at the idea that Colby might pick up on any of this. And despite his lack of vision, Colby seemed to pick up on the idea that something was off. “Everything good?” He asked uneasily, eyes looking at the open window where the sunset was just barely sending light into the room.

”Yeah, everything’s chill,” Brennen said, because everything was chill. Would be chill.

He would make it fucking chill if it killed him.

Colby’s eyes moved towards Brennen, registering his location. ”Okay...” Colby didn’t seem like he entirely believed him, but he still navigated over to the couch okay, sitting down when he found the couch. That also happened to be about a foot from Brennen, who had intentionally sat closer to Colby’s room so as to be closer to him if he was needed.

“I’m here,” Brennen spoke, letting Colby realize how close they were. 

Colby seemed to misinterpret his words however, answering softly, “I know you are. And I really appreciate it.”

Well fuck, now Brennen’s heart was fluttering again and he could not afford to do this right now...

And then there was a knock at the door.

“Who the fuck?” Brennen muttered as Colby stiffened next to him. “Do you think your parents...?”

”I told them to come back tomorrow,” Colby said uneasily, turning to look at the door as if he might be able to see through it.

”I got it,” Brennen said, standing up and ready to tell of whatever fuckin’ door to door salesman thought it was a good idea to show up tonight. He had absolutely no patience for anyone’s bullshit tonight. Not when he had Colby to take care of.

Who he didn’t expect was Jake and Tara. “Jake, Tara, what are you doing here?” Brennen asked, intentionally using their names for Colby’s benefit. He heard Colby stand up behind him, a nervous energy immediately encompassing the room.

Jake and practically Tara lived in the apartment too. Brennen should have really expected that they would try to come check things out themselves.

Tara spoke for the both of them. “We were really worried about Colby,” Tara said, trying to peak around Brennen because he was intentionally blocking most of their view of Colby’s apartment. “Why are you here?” Suspicion crept into her voice.

”Just let them in,” Colby called, and his voice was weary, defeated. “They’re gonna find out anyway.”

Brennen swallowed, but nodded, stepping back and letting Jake and Tara enter and closing the door behind them. They crept in slowly at first, as if not sure what they were walking into, but then in unison they seemed to see Colby.

That’s when Jake spoke, a wide grin growing across his face, “Dude, that message scared the shit out of us. We thought you were actually hurt.”

The silence that followed his words felt choked and sick. Brennen cringed, eyes flying to Colby to see his friend’s reaction. Because Brennen could punch Jake for how fucking callous his words had been. Colby looked like he had been slapped, pain and frustration and fucking _resignation_ clear in the lines of his face. His lips were pressed tightly together, and Brennen could see the white knuckled grip he had on the couch.

_Fuck..._

Tara figured out that something was wrong first, but it wasn’t much longer before Jake also took in the abrupt energy change in the room. “I mean... dude... you look fine?” But his words were weak this time.

Brennen bit his lip. He was going to let Colby tell them what had happened. 

Colby looked at the floor, letting out a dark echo of a chuckle. “Jake... the accident... it uh... it fucked my eyes up, Brother. Like... bad.”

“What does that mean?” Jake asked, but now there was fear in his voice. He glanced at Brennen, like Brennen might tell him what he was missing. Brennen just pressed his lips together and crossed his arms.

This was Colby’s thing to reveal.

“It means that I can’t fuckin’ see anymore,” Colby said, “I’m uh... I’m blind.” And hearing it from Colby’s lips still hurt every time. 

”No, you’re not,” Tara said instantly, taking a few steps forward, followed by Jake. “Your eyes look normal.”

Colby looked up at where he had last heard Brennen, “They do, huh? I’d been wondering...” Brennen grimaced, because he had actually moved closer to Colby.

”Yeah, same as always dude,” And Brennen watched Colby reorient, wincing at his mistake.

”Dude, you’re joking, right?” Jake asked, stepping forward and waving a hand in front of Colby’s face. “Can you see this?”

”Are you waving your hand in front of my face? Really, Jake?” Colby grumbled, trying to sound only mildly miffed but Brennen could hear the underlying hurt and frustration.

”You’re not fucking with me,” Jake asked, the teasing slowly falling out of his voice as horrible realization replaced it, “You really can’t see?”

“Nope,” Colby shook his head, “Woke up blind yesterday, haven’t seen anything since.” Brennen knew it wasn’t technically true, but keeping it simple seemed like the best move for now. It wasn’t like his little bit of light perception was all that helpful really.

”What... how?” Tara asked when Jake didn’t say any more.

Brennen answered this one, “The doctors said something about swelling in his brain damaging his optic nerves.”

”Does that like... go away? Do they heal?” Jake asked quietly.

Colby shrugged, “There’s like... a super tiny chance but like... it’s so small that like it probably won’t happen.”

”So that’s it?” Tara asked, “There’s nothing they can do? You’re just...”

”Blind?” Colby finished, shrugging, “Yeah. Yeah, I guess.” His tone was dark.

Brennen stepped back over to Colby, intentionally stepping a little louder so that Colby could track his progress. He caught the grateful look Colby tossed his way.

”So uh... what are you gonna do?” Jake asked, and there was an uncharacteristic somberness in his voice. “Are you going back home?”

Colby shook his head. “No,” He said firmly. “I can’t do that. I’m uh... I’m going to learn how to make it work here. Vision or no.”

”You can do that?”

”I guess? I’ve got someone coming on Monday to help me kinda move my life around not being able to see.” Colby shrugged, and Brennen unconsciously reached for Colby, resting a hand on his shoulder in comfort. Colby smiled faintly at him, and Brennen felt his stomach clench again.

Fuck, this feelings thing was going to be annoying.

”Well, shit, dude,” Jake seemed like he really didn’t know what to do. “You uh... you just let us know if you need anything, okay?”

”I will,” Colby promised, but Brennen felt the tension that tightened his body. “But uh... I think Brennen and Sam will have me pretty well covered.”

”Cool, cool, cool,” Jake said, looking at Tara awkwardly, and Brennen was so glad that Colby couldn’t see the looks that were passing between them. It made Brennen angry enough.

”Obviously this stays off social media until I tell the fans,” Colby said, and Brennen got the feeling he could tell what was going on in front of him. “I‘ll be making a video about it Friday.”

”Yeah, of course,” Tara said quickly, “We won’t tell anyone. Even the friend group.” The pity and worry in her eyes was clear, and she looked torn between wanting to stay with Colby and wanting to stay with Jake, who was clearly trying to find an excuse to leave. “Colby... we’re so sorry...”

Colby shrugged again. “I mean, it is what it is?” He set his shoulders. “I’m going to make it work.” The _I have to_ went unspoken.

”Seriously, anything you need...” Tara said, and she glanced at Jake. “We’re here.”

The silence after her words was awkward. Brennen felt like none of them knew what to say. Even Jake, the guy who always had something to say, even if it was asinine, was silent. Fortunately, Colby gave them all an out, seeming to sense it. “So... Brennen and I were going to listen to an audiobook. I’ll see... uh... talk to you guys tomorrow?”

Tara and Jake just nodded mutely, before Tara caught them and said, “Yeah, we’ll talk to you guys tomorrow.” She put a hand on Colby’s arm and Brennen felt him jump at the unexpected contact. “Crap, I’m sorry... we’re uh... call us if you need anything, okay?”

Colby just nodded. “We will.” He even tried a smile but it was painful and forced.

”Yeah, talk to you tomorrow,” Jake said, and he and Tara backed out of the apartment.

The door to the apartment closed with a certain amount of weight.

Colby shook himself, Brennen catching the hurt that spilled across his face before he carefully masked it again. "Well... that could have gone worse."

"Not quite sure how..." Brennen growled. He was going to be having some words with Jake later because what the fuck had that been?

"I mean... I get it. I'm blind now. That's going to change things..." Colby said quietly, running a hand through his hair. "Just uh... sucks..." And Brennen's heart broke again at the defeat in his voice.

"They'll get over it," Brennen said firmly. "It uh... it's a lot to take in at first, but uh... they'll come around." _They'd fucking better_ , he added to himself. Or he'd have words with them.

" _You_ kept it together for me," Colby said quietly, and Brennen felt a hand on his where it rested on Colby's shoulder. Colby was gripping his hand for comfort. "When I first woke up..." And Brennen paused as that horrible moment flashed through his mind...

_"Brennen, I can’t see..."_

_Panic. Eyes moving rapidly, blindly..._

_"Brennen please… please tell me it’s a prank…"_

Brennen cringed as the memories came back all too vividly. "Of course I did," He said, squeezing Colby's shoulder. "Of course I did, Brother. You needed me." Because really, what else could he have done? Feelings or not... this was _Colby_...

"But you could have freaked out too, and I uh... thank you, I guess," Colby whispered, turning to face Brennen, not letting go of his hand, and their joined hands dropped to hang between them. "For uh... for being here for me, and being what I needed. Because uh... I know it probably wasn't easy with me panicking and all that.”

Brennen found himself staring at their joined hands, looking all too right intertwined like that, as he considered Colby’s words. Because yeah, he could have panicked too. Definitely did later. But that wouldn’t have helped Colby then. He had needed to help Colby.

“It was what you needed,” Brennen ruffled Colby's hair playfully, trying not to overthink the action. Just because he'd realized he had feelings for Colby didn't change the motion. The small look of pleasure that passed over Colby’s face made Brennen immediately want to do it again, but he didn’t. Because maybe that would be weird. He tried to make a joke, lighten the mood a little bit. "Besides, you didn't hear the conversation I had with Sam later," He said with a grin. "I totally freaked out on him."

Colby smiled slightly, "Good to know," He said. But he dropped his gaze as if to look at their hands, as if he could see them too. “But like... seriously. Thank you.” And the earnestly in his voice sent something warm snuggling up in Brennen’s chest, even as his heart kinda panicked at the trueness of the emotions he heard.

”You’re welcome, dude.” There was a moment of comfortable silence between them, Colby holding Brennen's hand firmly... comfortingly. Brennen squeezed his fingers lightly, Colby squeezing back in acknowledgment.

"Are you okay with uh..." Colby had his face downturned, but Brennen could still see the blush that painted his cheeks, "Are you okay with me like, holding your hand? I know it's gay as fuck..."

Brennen's heart jumped a little bit in his chest, but he still managed to reflex out a, "It's not the gayest thing we've done."

Colby snorted, "Nope, the fanfiction reenactment still wins there."

"Yup," That had been Brennen's line of thought. God, he couldn't even imagine having done that video if he'd had feelings for Colby at the time. "So hand holding? Can I ask why? It's not that I don't want to, but..." Because he really, really wanted to...

Colby paused for a moment, actually blushing harder. "Because uh... it's grounding? Because uh... the physical contact helps ground me. I guess. Because of the whole not seeing thing...?" He looked away from Brennen, starting to pull away, "You know what, never mind, it's stupid..."

"Dude, I will literally bear hug cuddle you if that's what it takes to make you feel better," Brennen said bluntly, because that was true for Brennen no matter what, feelings or not.

There wasn't much he wouldn't do for Colby.

"I... Cool," Colby said, with a soft smile that sent Brennen's heart fluttering again. "I uh... cool." He felt his way back to the correct side of the couch with his free hand, pulling Brennen along with him. Brennen just followed, trying not to freak out because _he was holding Colby's fucking hand_...

_This is soooo fucking gay..._

"Did you find anything good?" Colby asked, asking once Brennen had settled down next to him their knees touching lightly and hands intertwined.

"Yeah, this one had some good reviews," Brennen said, trying not to have a fucking heart attack at how close Colby was. "It's called "Tales from the Gas Station"..."

Colby shrugged, "Hey, I'm down for whatever." He grinned at Brennen, and maybe he was only off by a little bit this time, but it still felt like Colby met his eyes for just a moment.

"Alright, let's get it started," Brennen said, pulling up the YouTube video on his phone and pressing play.

And as the narration started, and Colby closed his eyes and relaxed his head back, Brennen couldn't help but foster a small fantasy that involved him and Colby, and a very different reason why Colby was holding his hand. It would never happen... but there was no harm in imagining...

_"At the edge of our town, there’s a shitty gas station that’s open twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week..."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not a huge fan of the Jake and Tara scene, but I'm tired of editing it so... it's done.
> 
> Some realizations and revelations this chapter. This story's gonna be long, I can already tell.
> 
> Mentioned audio story is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7HblU4fmtIY It's a favorite of mine and absolutely deserves more attention.
> 
> Also have I mentioned how excited I am by all the new faces in our little corner of AO3? You guys are awesome. Welcome!
> 
> As always, thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed, and I'll see you all in the next one!


	5. Chapter 5

It was about an hour into the narration that Colby started cuddling him.

He honestly didn’t realize what was going on at first. Colby had gone mostly still with sleep beside him. There was a relaxation of tension in his body that Brennen hadn’t seen since he was blinded. His eyes were closed and a certain ease had fallen over him. Brennen’s eyes had been combing the lines of his face, not even really listening to the narration anymore as he watched Colby sleep. That was when Colby snuffled, shifting in his sleep and moving closer to Brennen so that their shoulders pressed together.

Brennen went stock still, because even though he might have been (guiltily) fantasizing about a date like scenario, the fact that it was actually happening totally threw him off. “Colby?” Brennen said quietly, watching his friend carefully. Because he didn’t want to startle the guy awake, not when he was sleeping so peacefully, but... allowing this felt wrong somehow. Because it was’t just platonic for Brennen anymore.

 _I’ll just see where it goes,_ He resolved to himself. Colby was just seeking contact while he slept. There was nothing wrong with that. In fact, waking him up and drawing attention might make Colby awkward about asking for contact in the future, and Brennen didn’t want Colby to feel bad about asking for anything right now.

Brennen would just keep his thoughts to himself. He’d done it before he could do it again.

It had been 90% of his relationship with Emily near the end...

But it got harder when Colby snuggled closer again, pressing his face into Brennen’s neck like a pillow, an interesting reenactment of the scene earlier, when Colby had been crying into his shoulder. It was still a gesture seeking comfort yes, but now it had a slightly different undertone. Because now that Brennen’s mind had made the connection between Colby and his _feelings_... or if he was being perfectly honest, between Colby and his _dick_ , the contact was a special form of torture. Because Brennen’s neck was _sensitive_. Not in anyway that was usually a problem, but when his brain took in the right combination of stimuli and deemed it safe, well...

Fuck, and now Colby’s breath against his neck and occasional affection seeking nuzzles were pressing very sensitive buttons. Brennen bit the inside of his lip, trying to stifle the groan even as little tingles danced down his spine and into his groin. _Not the time, not the fucking time_... he grumbled to himself, looking up at the ceiling and trying to think down his dick by sheer force of will.

It was made worse in that in the chaos of the last two days he hadn’t been able to have his usual jack off sessions, and therefore everything was a little bit closer to the surface than usual.

_Goddammit, Colby is hurting, Colby is vulnerable, Colby trusts you, we are not going to fuck this up!_

And Colby let out another little hum, snuggling closer with his whole body and Brennen set his teeth. Goddammit, Colby was such a cuddle bug. He knew that, knew how much physical affection Colby showed with everyone he cared about, but right now it was really, really hard on Brennen’s dick, which was doing its best to persuade him what a great idea boning Colby would be.

Shit... did he want to bone Colby?

His dick very happily agreed while his mind repeated the mantra that he was almost obsessively focusing on.

_We will not take advantage of Colby while he is vulnerable and hurting, no matter how hot he would look sliding down our cock..._

”Fuck...” Brennen muttered, shifting his hips and almost, _almost_ pressing his hand against his half hard dick but holding back because that just felt _wrong_... Because Colby was asleep and Colby couldn't consent and Colby had just been _blinded_...

”God, I am the _worst_ person...” Brennen groaned to himself, gripping the fingers of his free hand into his hair and squeezing, hoping the pain would help him to focus but the pain just sharpened everything and was the _opposite_ of helpful. “There is a special circle of hell, reserved just for me, because I am _not_ fucking Colby when he just fucking went blind.” Colby moved against him again and Brennen’s breath caught in his throat. Had Colby...

But Colby just settled out again, and Brennen realized he had just been moving in his sleep. “Thank God you’re such a heavy sleeper,” He murmured, and gave into the urge he had to stroke hair back from Colby’s face. It was mostly dry from the shower, but still slightly damp, giving Brennen a sniff of his shampoo when he stroked through the soft strands. Brennen smiled softly.

It was good to see Colby relax. Even if it made his dick hurt. And so Brennen focused on imagining his grandmother in lingerie in an effort to make his dick calm the fuck down.

And everything really was mostly under control by the time Colby stirred against him. It was sweet to watch him him blink his way to wakefulness, watch as his eyebrows furrowed when he tried to register where he was... until Brennen realized that that was exactly what he was doing.

And then Colby sighed heavily, closing his eyes again, and Brennen felt something heavy pull at his heart, realizing Colby had just reregistered his blindness. And then he seemed to register where he was. He sat up slightly, moving one hand in front of him to try to feel where he was, fingers moving lightly on Brennen’s chest. “Hey,” Brennen murmured, mostly to help Colby realize where he was, partially to stop Colby from putting his hand in not so neutral places.

 _Because he was being good and Colby did not need him getting all pervy on him..._ “Good morning, sunshine.”

”Shit...” Rather than jump back from him like Brennen had half expected, Colby just stayed where he was, curled into Brennen, head more on his chest than his shoulder now. “Bear hug cuddling, huh?”

It took Brennen a moment, but he laughed when he remembered his comment from earlier. “Hey, you did this, not me,” He said, “I was just sitting over here listening to this lovely story when you decided to molest me.” He kept his tone light, making it clear even without visual cues that he was joking.

Because he totally wasn’t opposed to this at all.

”You like it,” Colby said back, voice lower with sleepiness, now fully reoriented.

”Always, Brother,” Brennen said, even though he would never let on just how true that was.

”Is it really morning?” Colby asked, shifting on Brennen a little bit as if to look at the windows.

”Nah,” Brennen shook his head, “It’s about midnight.”

”Shit...” Colby groaned, “I didn’t mean to fall asleep. I missed like three hours of the story.” He was slowly rubbing at his face, pushing sleep from his eyes.

”We can just listen to it again,” Brennen said, shrugging. He paused the narration just as Gas Station Jack had started grappling with a shapeshifter. “You needed the sleep.” It had been a hell of a day. For both of them really.

”Yeah, I guess,” Colby agreed, pulling back from Brennen with almost... reluctance? Brennen wasn’t sure if he was just projecting onto Colby. “I’ll probably head back to my real bed, huh?”

”Yeah, probably a good move,” Brennen agreed, “I know where the blankets and pillows are. I’ll just crash out here. You need anything from me?”

Colby had gone to stand, stretching his arms over his head as he arched his back. “No... I don’t think...” Then he thought and a look of mild irritation and embarrassment came over his face, “Maybe if you wouldn’t mind walking me back to bed? I don’t really feel like focusing on not hitting anything right now...”

”Sure thing, Brother,” Brennen said, definitely not going to turn down more contact with Colby. He reached for Colby’s hand, squeezing it lightly. “Would you like me to tuck you in too?” He kept it light, kept it teasing as he pulled Colby towards his room.

”Fuck you, Brennen, I’m blind, not helpless,” Colby said tiredly, but didn’t fight against Brennen’s guiding hand. “I’m gonna get used to it, I’m just... tired right now.”

”I know you are,” Brennen said comfortingly, squeezing Colby’s hand again, before he pressed Colby’s hand into his bed. “We have arrived at your stop, Mr. Brock. Please make sure you take your belongings with you as you exit. Thank you for riding the Taylor Express.”

Colby pushed against his chest with a short laugh before he flopped back into the bed. “I’m too tired for this shit,” He grumbled good-naturedly. “And who knows...” His tone dropped, “Maybe I’ll wake up and I won’t be blind anymore.”

The mood dropped instantly. Brennen reached for Colby’s ankle, squeezing it gently. “Maybe,” He said, “But you know, even if you don’t... everything will be okay, right?”

Brennen watched Colby’s throat move as he swallowed. “Yeah...” He said. “It will.”

Fuck. And for the millionth time Brennen hated that this had happened to his best friend. “Goodnight, dude,” he said, squeezing Colby’s ankle before pulling off again. “I’ll see...” He cut himself off, watching Colby flinch, “Talk to you in the morning, okay?”

”Okay,” Colby said faintly, closing his eyes. “Goodnight, dude.”

And he hated himself just a little bit, but Brennen left the room, leaving Colby to sleep. Hopefully. Brennen pulled some blankets and pillows out of the closet, curling up on the couch. “It’ll be okay,” He repeated to himself, “Colby will be okay.”

The morning came way too early for Brennen. It took way too long of Brennen glaring angrily at whoever had dared to turn on the light before he realized why there was so goddamn much light in his room. He had blackout curtains for a reason, dammit.

It was because he wasn't in his room. He was at Colby's apartment, and Colby had come out of his room and had opened up the windows and was staring out at them.

”Dude... why are you up?” Brennen muttered, glancing at his phone. It was eight in the morning. On a Sunday. 

Colby turned back to “look” at him and right away Brennen knew something was wrong. “I couldn’t sleep anymore,” He said quietly. “I needed to...” He looked down, and Brennen watched him swallow, hard. Brennen’s stomach clenched, because Colby’s hands were visibly shaking, eyes glassy, body tight, and he worried that Colby was headed for another breakdown.

His heart dropped. Welp, he was awake now. “Colby?” He asked.

Colby pressed his hands together, maybe to try to stop the shaking. He blinked hard, and Brennen saw tears escape. “I can see in my dreams, Brennen,” He said quietly. “I can... and then I woke up and...”

”Colby...” And Brennen was up and pulling Colby into his arms just as the first ragged breath was sucked into his lungs. “It’ll be okay, bro, it’ll be okay...” He murmured, stroking Colby’s back.

”Fuck... Brennen...” Colby whispered, wrapping his arms tightly around his friend. He didn't move for a few moments, just shuddering against Brennen, before he murmured brokenly, “Fuck, I’m so sorry... I’m a _fucking_ mess...”

”Dude, stop it,” Brennen hugged him tighter. “You literally just went blind. You’re allowed to freak out a little bit. I’m here for you, I’m here for you, bro.”

Colby just nodded into his shoulder. “I know, I know. I just... I could see...”

And that just hurt. ”It’ll be okay, dude, I promise.”

This freak out didn’t last as long as the previous one, and it was maybe only five or ten minutes before Colby was drawing back and wiping at his face. “Fuck...” He muttered, “I’m sorry dude.”

”You totally don’t even need to apologize, dude,” Brennen said firmly. “Seriously. Like don’t even mention it.”

Colby laughed dryly, “Shit... this is gonna be harder than I thought.”

"It'll just take time," Brennen assured him. "Dude, you've only been... _dealing with this_ for like, a day and a half. Of course it's still gonna be rough for a while." He squeezed Colby's shoulder where he was still gripping it.

Colby nodded, sniffling again as he wiped his eyes. "Just fucking sucks."

"I know dude, I know..." Brennen couldn't even voice how bad it sucked and how much he wished he could just wave a wand and fix everything. "But you got me, okay? I'm not going anywhere."

Colby nodded faintly. "And I really, really appreciate that, dude..."

There was a quiet moment between them, Brennen's hands lightly holding Colby's shoulders and Colby's hands resting against his chest, and for the first time again, Brennen registered how close they were, their faces only really a few inches apart, and just how badly he wanted to kiss Colby right then.

Before he could really register what he was doing, Brennen had a hand tracing lightly up Colby's shoulder and slowly up his neck until he could bush knuckles against his friend's cheek. Colby had let out a soft noise at the contact, almost a quiet moan, before he froze, his eyes looking towards Brennen as if they might actually be able to see what was on his face in that moment. "Brennen..." He whispered.

Brennen's heart was slamming in his chest, but Colby's face was so soft, and once Brennen had started touching it he didn't want to stop. "Yeah, Colby?" He said quietly.

Colby swallowed, his hands moving nervously on Brennen's chest, "When I was sleeping earlier..."

And then Brennen's stomach rumbled loudly, completely interrupting the mood of the previous conversation. Colby's face turned incredulous. "You hungry, dude?" He asked, a smirk on his face.

 _But what had Colby..._ but Brennen brushed it off. Because there was no way Colby had been able to say anything like what Brennen might be hoping. "Fuckin' apparently," Brennen said, laughing. "Guess it's time to get breakfast." He dropped his hand from Colby's face and clapped him on the shoulder, breaking contact with him to move towards the kitchen. "You got anything good or are we DoorDash-ing it?"

"If you want something that's not toast then it's gonna be DoorDash," Colby said, seeming relieved but also disappointed at the contact break, "I uh... I meant to go grocery shopping on Friday but..." A dark look fell over his face.

"DoorDash it is," Brennen said quickly, not wanting to let that expression linger, "What are you feeling?"

They ended up staying in all morning. Food came, they ate the food, and Brennen did his best to let Colby just exist and figure out how he was going to adjust to life without sight. They ended up cleaning and organizing his room together, or at least creating some semblance of a system,, Luckily, Colby could identify most of his clothing by touch, so once it was off the floor and organized, things got simpler. Colby's parents came by around lunch time, bringing food with them, and that made Colby's life easier again, not having to go out in public. Because it was a whole week until they planned on telling the fans and Colby didn't want to risk running into someone who might know him and post it on social media.

That was a shitstorm they were just not ready for.

Sam's plane was supposed to get back in around three, and Sam was planning on being back at the apartment complex by four because he was going to drop Kat off first. Sam called Colby when he was headed over from Kat's and Brennen watched the anxiety explode all over Colby's face.

He was doing a lot better with spacial awareness in his own apartment, and was mostly able to navigate around the furniture without really "looking" blind. But as his anxiety spiked, his spacial awareness dropped, and Brennen watched him step just too close to the couch as he went to sit down, slamming his thigh into the arm. "Ow, fuck."

"Easy, dude," Brennen said, watching as Colby reoriented. "It's just Sam."

"I know," Colby said, flopping back down on the couch now that he knew where it was. "I know..." And he didn't say anything else.

Because the fact that it was Sam made it simultaneously better and worse. Less likely that Sam wouldn’t handle it well, but also more devastating if he didn’t.

Colby needed a distraction. So Brennen started started dictating Colby’s tweets to him so that he could tell Brennen how to reply. They’d decided that responding to some of the messages would probably be a good idea to put the fans off. They even found out that if they yanked the brightness all the way up on Colby’s phone he could register the brightness enough to make it look like he was looking at his phone so he could post Instagram stories, even managing to post one of him and Brennen that was convincing. The fans would like that.

Colby seemed better, and it made Brennen’s heart happy to see the honest smile on his friend’s face. They could make this work. They were going to make this work.

And then there was a knock at the door and Colby froze, turning instinctively towards it. “Shit, that's gotta be Sam...” Colby murmured.

”You want me to...”

”I got it,” Colby said firmly, setting his phone down and standing to move towards the door. “This is Sam. I can do this.”

”Okay, dude,” Brennen said, turning around to follow Colby with his eyes as Colby moved towards the door. Because he knew Sam would handle this well. He had to. It would ruin Colby if he didn't...

The door opened and Brennen knew in a glance that Sam wasn't okay. His cheeks were flushed, eyes wide and full of fear and worry and pain and... "Colby..." Sam breathed, and Brennen watched Colby orient on the sound of his voice so that they could both move in unison as they wrapped their arms around each other.

They hugged for a long time. Brennen heard quiet murmuring that he couldn't quite make out the contents of. But that wasn't a problem. This was Sam and Colby, the unstoppable duo finally being reunited.

The one who really should have been by Colby's side the whole time during all of this.

Sam was crying when they finally pulled back from the hug. It didn't surprise Brennen all that much. Sam always was the more outwardly emotional of the two. Colby wasn't outwardly crying, but there was color in his cheeks and some glossiness in his eyes the next time Brennen got a look at his face. And Brennen started to feel like he was intruding on something, something that really should have been Sam's thing from the start.

Because Sam wouldn't be getting boners about his best friend snuggling him for comfort after he had just been fucking blinded...

And then Sam and Colby were making their way back towards the couch and Brennen watched as Sam instinctively went to try to lead Colby. "He's got it," Brennen spoke, and they both looked towards him, Colby with a grateful look in his eyes, Sam with a more cautious one. "I know, you want to help him, but he's really pretty good at getting around the apartment on his own," Brennen explained further to Sam.

Because he got it. He too wanted to take Colby by the arm and be his eyes.

But that wasn't going to work long term. Colby needed to get used to this on his own.

And fortunately Colby didn't prove Brennen's faith wrong. He made it back to the couch easily, tracing his way back to the front with his finger tips and sitting down just to Brennen's right. Sam sighed, following Colby back and sitting on Brennen's other side. "Sorry," Sam apologized.

"You're good, dude," Colby said, "I uh... I get why it's kinda hard not to try to help but... I really am mostly okay around the apartment."

"And when you need help, you ask for it," Brennen said, and he was close enough to put a hand on Colby's thigh in reassurance so he did, watching as Colby grinned at him. There was an interesting look on Sam's face when Brennen looked back at him, but Sam shook it off as soon as he noticed Brennen paying attention.

"So how are you doing?" Colby asked Sam, looking in his direction. And Brennen saw that Colby must have gotten close but not perfect by the pain that crossed over Sams face. But he didn't address it, just starting to talk about his weekend.

It had basically been a mess from what Brennen gleaned. Because if he wasn't actively dealing with funeral stuff he was on the phone with management, trying to talk logistics for what they were going to do now that Colby was blind. "It's one of the things I really hate about Hollywood," Sam said tightly, "Because like... it didn't seem to matter that I was at my fucking grandpa's funeral, or that you just went blind, it was all about, 'Well, what are we going to do about the business?'"

"It's one of the reasons we went with them," Colby said, his hands pressed together in his lap, "They're really good at what they do. Like, we wouldn't have been able to do half the shit we have without them. But uh..." He chuckled, "They get kinda cut throat sometimes."

"No fucking kidding," Sam grimaced, "But yeah, so like, I was talking to them, and they seem to think that thankfully, most of what we do on our channel's not really going to change," Sam said, "The travelling to haunted places and shit? You don't uh... you don't really need to see for that."

Colby pressed his lips together, looking like he wanted to protest but not doing it. "And I'll be able to hear tons of shit, now," He pointed out. "Like, I can already tell my hearing's trying to make up for the fact that I can't see." And Brennen smiled, proud of Colby for looking at the positives.

"Well that's terrifying," Sam said frankly, "Wonder if you'll be able to like, make out those whispers we hear sometimes."

Colby grinned. "That would be cool."

"I wasn't a huge fan of the idea of selling you being uh... blind as part of the marketing..." Sam said, crossing his arms and Colby's face fell just a little bit. "But uh... that's an option they threw out."

Colby stared at the space in front of him, shifting slightly in discomfort. "Uh..." He said, "It's uh... still so new that uh... I don't know how I feel about that but like... maybe once the fans know? And I've had time to like... adjust?"

"That agency comes tomorrow, right?" Sam asked, "The ones who are gonna help you with shit?"

"Yeah," Colby said. "I've been..." He leaned back in the couch, scrubbing a hand over his face, "I've been debating telling the fans. You know... before Friday. So like..." He looked down, "Like I feel trapped here, dude, like I can't leave because I'm afraid someone will see me and spill it the wrong way, so like... You know?"

Sam nodded, before Brennen watched him realize that Colby couldn't see that and responded verbally, "I get that. We could call Ashley about it?"

"Yeah..." Colby said, "I just... I don't want to have to hide here. I need to learn how to get around LA without seeing and like..." He swallowed, conflicting emotions passing over his face. "That'll probably be part of what I work on this week and like... someone's gonna see me. Or if I like, fuck up and do like, a blind thing on someone else's story or..." He played nervously with his hair, "You know?" Brennen grimaced, because it was true, and Brennen had proofed his stories to not give anything away but... someone was bound to fuck up.

"I know, dude," Sam said, his forehead furrowing as he thought. "We uh... we'll have to talk to the team. Maybe post something short on the duo channel and then you can do like a long one on yours Friday?"

"Yeah, maybe..." Colby said, a pensive look on his face.

"Uh... Ashley and John want to meet with us tomorrow, at some point?" Sam said with some reluctance. "Maybe uh... maybe after you're done with the agency we can head over there?"

Colby nodded, something that only surprised Brennen a little. "I uh... I'd rather get this figured out sooner than later," He said honestly. "I like... I want there to be a plan, you know? Once there's a plan I can, I can work around that, you know?"

"I know, dude, I know," Sam said, "We'll figure it out, okay?" Colby stared forward, his hands working nervously together, and Sam looked at Brennen in worry. Brennen sighed, feeling like a subject change was needed and hopping on it. He's gotten pretty good at reading Colby's body language in the last little bit and it looked like he was ready to stop talking about how his blindness was going to change everything. So Brennen hopped on to one of the topics that he could always mindlessly monologue about.

"So Kobe did the most adorable thing the other day..."

And they let the conversation go organically from there. Colby and Sam were a little stiff at first, but if there was one thing Brennen was good at these days it was being positive in the face of the most negative things possible. And it wasn't long before Colby and Sam seemed to react to the positivity, much easier expressions growing across their faces. Brennen might have "playfully" hit on Colby, and Colby might have playfully or not ended up in his lap for a short period, but the energy in the room had considerably lightened by the time Colby stood up, stating that he had to use the bathroom but not to wait up on him because he might "be a while."

"Just cleaning out so I can eat your ass later, right?" Brennen tossed at him good-naturedly, joking, completely joking, like he would have done with Colby before.

He didn't expect the bright shade of crimson Colby would turn. "Oh you know it, brother," Colby shot back, but his tone was just off enough that it felt different to Brennen, and it felt a little bit like he was running away as he moved quickly from the room.

That was when Sam turned to really look at Brennen, and Brennen still didn't quite know what to do with Sam. Because Colby was his best friend yeah, but Sam was Colby's best friend, the one who knew him best, and Sam was... no matter how many times that Brennen tried to hang out with Sam without Colby or anyone else, it always felt like he was hanging out with his crush's older brother.

Although now the metaphor was just a little more adapt.

And with the way Sam was looking at him Brennen wondered if Sam knew, knew all the thoughts that had been passing through Brennen's head in the last twenty four hours, if Sam knew that Brennen had imagined kissing Colby, fucking him...

And so when Sam spoke Brennen completely missed it the first time. He just knew that Sam had said something and was now looking at him, waiting for his response. "Sorry, what? I was in my head."

And the look on Sam's face made it seem like he knew too much. "You're uh... you're doing really well with him," Sam said, and Brennen felt like that wasn't exactly what he had said the first time.

"Dude, I mean... it's Colby," Brennen shrugged, "I uh... of course I'm gonna do whatever I can for him."

There was some sort of infuriating look on Sam's face, something that Brennen didn't have the words for. "What?" He asked, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

Sam seemed to regroup, leaning back into the sofa, "I was really worried about him" He said quietly, "When I was in Kansas, and there was fucking _nothing_ I could do for him..."

"Sam, you literally took over you guys' business so that he could have time to regroup," Brennen corrected, because he knew that had been massively helpful to Colby's mental state. "I think I've met John and Ashley at one of your things and I know that holding them off could not have been easy."

Sam shrugged, "He needed to not deal with them," He said plainly, and Brennen nodded, because it was true. "But you," Sam continued, "Just... You've been keeping him smiling, and I really appreciate that."

"Of course I have," Brennen said, "He... this sucks. Like, him being blind really, really sucks but..." Sam nodded his agreement, staring in front of him, "He's gonna get through it. It's not going to be easy, but he'll make it work. Because that's what he does."

"Yeah," Sam agreed, "But you..." He pressed his lips together. He didn't look at Brennen when he asked his next question, "Have you figured it out yet?"

Brennen paused. _What?_ "What do you mean?" He asked, "Figured what out?" Did Sam know? About the thoughts he'd had about Colby? How would he feel about Brennen having only worked this out after his best friend had gone blind? Because the two weren't connected at all, it was just that Brennen was all of the sudden spending a lot of really intimate moments with someone he hadn't been able to to hang out with as much recently, because he and Colby had always joked, always played at being gay and then insisted that they weren't until they were blue in the face.

But Sam knew that right? Knew it was just for the clickbait? Because even if Brennen had developed feelings for Colby he sure as shit wasn't going to initiate anything right now, not when Colby had just lost his sight, not when Colby was hurting, and vulnerable, and...

There was a slightly sad look on Sam's face once Brennen finally came out of his head enough to register it. "Brennen..." Sam started, but then they both turned towards Colby's room as they heard the toilet flush.

"Sam...?" Brennen asked.

But Sam shrugged, "Just... he cares about you a lot, Brennen," Sam said cryptically, "That... this hasn't changed it."

"What the fuck does that mean?"

But Sam didn't respond, because that was when Colby came back out with a grinning, "You guys might want to avoid that room for a little bit..."

"Thanks for the head up, brother," Brennen grinned back, trying to force down the feelings from the previous conversation. "I'll just go steal Sam's bathroom instead."

"Hey," Sam complained and both Colby and Brennen burst into giggles, Colby falling back onto the couch next to Brennen.

And Brennen loved it when Colby laughed.

Sam glanced at his watch, his face tightening and eyebrows pressing together. "People will probably be showing up my place soon," He said cautiously, and Brennen watched as the ease that had fallen over Colby's body all fell off at once.

"Oh..." He said simply.

Brennen wrapped an arm around Colby's shoulders, feeling his friend lean into him. "We don't have to tell them," Brennen reminded him quietly, "You can still back out."

"No I can't," Colby disagreed with him quickly. "They uh... they need to know. They deserve to know." He huffed a dark laugh, "If I can't tell them how the fuck am I going to be able to tell the audience?"

Brennen nodded, squeezing Colby into him. "Okay," He said quietly. "You got this, dude. Everything's going to be okay."

Colby nodded, a hand coming up to wrap up in Brennen's where it hung over his shoulder. "I know..." He said faintly. And he tucked his head in against Brennen's neck. Brennen shifted his head to be more comforting for Colby, holding him against his body. 

And that was when he caught the way Sam was looking at them, with the faintest smile on his face and Brennen started to get the tiniest, tiniest little inkling that Sam might know more than he was letting on.

And it was a combination of the way Sam was looking at them and his comments from earlier that Brennen started to wonder if maybe, just maybe, Colby might just like him like that too...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay long chapters making long stories. I try to make each one at least 4000 words, but the muse dictated this one be longer.
> 
> Hope everyone's enjoying. We got some Brolby moments, and Sam's back in the picture. 
> 
> I'm loving writing this story, and hope y'all are enjoying reading.
> 
> As always, I'll see you in the next one!


	6. Chapter 6

All that Brennen could say about the reveal was that well, it could have gone worse.

No one seemed to quite know what to say. After the dramatic reveal of "Guys... I'm blind", everyone just stared at him, disbelieving. Colby seemed to sense their eyes on him, but he couldn't meet any of them back, so he just shifted uncomfortably, staring into the nothing that was his vision.

Kevin tried for humor. "Well our friend group just got more diverse," He offered with an awkward grin, "We had the token black guy. Now we got the token disabled guy!"

Colby flinched, hard, and Kevin seemed to realize what a stupid thing he had just said.

Because none of them had used handicapped or disabled to described Colby yet. And for that word to just be thrown out so callously...

"What the fuck?" Brennen snapped, watching the threatening look Sam sent Kevin.

"Shit, Colby, I'm sorry..." Kevin was already backtracking.

"No, it's uh... that's true," Colby forced a smile, looking towards Kevin. "But I swear to God if I turn into everyone's clickbait I'm gonna be annoyed."

There was an awkward laugh, but it died out quickly, and Brennen was reminded that laughing was also a panic response. Fuck... well this could have gone better...

"So, you know, obviously this stays off of social media until he tells everyone," Sam said, his arms crossed, daring anyone to try to stay anything else stupid. "And then, you know, don't be an asshole about it." Kevin shrunk back into the couch.

"It's fine, Kevin, really," Colby said quietly, even as Brennen wanted to reach for him and pull him into his arms again. But Colby was across the room from him on the other couch. "It's uh... something we're all gonna have to get used to."

And that was where they left the conversation for the time being. Kat started talking about something else and attention shifted from Colby to that of a regular pizza night between the friend group. Brennen kept an extra close eye on Colby as the night progressed, but aside from a few 'blind moments' he seemed to be doing okay, seeming to almost be relaxing around their friends, but Brennen knew there was a conversation coming later that night.

Something about Kevin using the word "disabled".

Never the one to let anyone outdrink him, it surprised Brennen a little bit when he offered Colby some Jack and Colby declined. "I'm having a hard enough time staying oriented, I don't need alcohol to trip me up more," He explained, and that made perfect sense.

And so rather than drink like he would have otherwise, Brennen nursed two or three drinks, letting himself get floaty but not get completely plastered. Because he was going home with Colby, and he knew where his brain would go if drunk. He needed to remember that banging Colby right now was the opposite of a good idea.

_As much as he would love to watch Colby's face as he licked around his cock..._

No, stop.

Brennen watched Colby hit his social wall just as the rest of the group seemed to be gearing up for another round that would tip most of them into the realm of drunk and not just having a good time. It had been a hell of a day, and Brennen wasn't surprised when Colby stood up from his spot next to Brennnen and murmured,"Hey, I think I'm going to head out."

"You down for company?" Brennen asked, following him up.

Colby looked indecisive, eyebrows pushed together. "I'm probably just going to go to sleep, maybe listen to some music," Colby said, "Nothing fun. If you're having fun here, you should stay."

Brennen took Colby's hand again, noting the momentary surprise on his friend's face. "My idea of fun is wherever you are, babe," He said quietly, and maybe the alcohol was loosening his tongue a little bit, because he wasn't sure he'd called Colby 'babe' recently, but it was worth it for the momentary smile that lit Colby's face.

Fuck, maybe... maybe there really was something there.

"We could listen to some more of the adventures of Gas Station Jack?" Brennen asked, and he was close to Colby now, close enough to feel their breaths mingling, his body wanting to be there, because Brennen could blame the alcohol all he wanted but he knew who the real responsible party was.

The party that wanted to press Colby up against a wall and kiss him breathless...

Hear his breathless voice whimper out Brennen's name...

But that... that was not Brennen's priority right now. It was to get Colby home and make sure that he was okay, physically and mentally.

 _We could make him sexually okay too_...

Shut the fuck up, brain.

"Yeah," Colby nodded, smiling faintly at him. "That would be good."

"Cool," Brennen said, squeezing Colby's hand. "You want help getting out, or..."

"Maybe..." Colby nodded, looking around the room. "If I could..." He traced his fingers up Brennen's forearm so he could grip into his upper arm, and Brennen grit his teeth because well fuck, he never knew his forearm could be so damn sensitive...

God damn it, he knew he got sexual when he was drinking. Why had he let himself do this?

"Brennen?" Colby must have felt the shift in his body language, because his friend was looking at him with concern in his eyes.

"I'm good, dude," Brennen deflected, "Just trying to think of the best way to get out of here." He looked across the room, catching Sam's eyes and mouthing, "We're gonna go," While he pointed at the door.

Sam nodded his understanding, his expression reminding Brennen to be careful.

Which of course he would.

This was Colby.

Fortunately, everyone was drunk enough that slipping out of Sam’s apartment wasn’t all that involved, Colby following Brennen’s lead as he steered them around obstacles and their drunk friends until they were safely out in the hallway again. Colby seemed to relax.

”Fucking loud in there,” He muttered, rubbing his temples.

Brennen cringed, because loud chaotic environments had been where Colby thrived before. But he could see how it could be super overwhelming if he didn’t have sight to sort out the noises from each other. “We can get you some headphones?” Brennen offered, but Colby waved him off.

”Nah, it’s fine,” He shook his head, “Just uh...” And he paused before Brennen could leaded them back to his apartment. “Can we uh... can we go like... for a walk or something? I feel like...” He pressed his lips together before he continued, “Trapped or... or something.”

”Yeah,” Brennen nodded quickly, “Yeah, dude, we can definitely...” He stared at the apartment door as he thought. A thought occurred to him, and he winced as he asked. “Do you like... want your cane?” And he waited with baited breath for Colby’s response.

”Uh...” Now Colby looked borderline panicked. “Uh... what if... what if someone...”

”I mean, it’s either that or you just like... hold onto me like we’re on a date,” Brennen said, “I mean, either way I’m gonna have to...”

”Fuck it, let’s get the cane,” Colby said, “I uh...” He detached from Brennen and pulled his keys out of his pocket to unlock the door. “If people see me then, well, I post a fucking Instagram story tonight and tell everyone. I can’t be locked up like this...”

”Okay...” Brennen said, watching Colby trace his way to where he had left the cane leaning against the counter. He leaned against the wall in the entryway, trying to let Colby find it himself as opposed to pointing out where it was.

He had to let Colby do this himself.

”I think I... I left it over...” Colby murmured, staring straight forward as he thought. And when Brennen saw his fingers brush against the cane, “Hah! There it is...” Colby grinned, before his face fell and he turned back to Brennen. There was a resigned look in his eyes. “You saw that the whole time didn’t you?”

Brennen sighed, “Yeah, yeah I did.”

”I... fuck...” Colby sighed, pressing his free hand against his face. “Brennen, I...”

And then he was stepping forward, pulling Colby into his arms again. Colby laughed brokenly as he wrapped his arms around Brennen, the sound coming out more as a sob. “Fuck...”

”I got you, Brother...” Brennen murmured, leaning back against the counter and pulling Colby into him.

”I just...” Colby shook his head as he laughed brokenly again. “Fuck, I just wish I could _see_ , Brennen. It’s just...” His breath shuddered into his lungs, “It’s not fuckin’ fair...”

And Brennen had to stifle his own reaction, because he knew that there would be nothing he could say right now to make Colby feel better, so he just stroked through his friend’s hair and murmured, “It’ll be okay, dude, I got you, I got you... we’re gonna make this work, Brother.”

”Fuck, Brennen, I just...” Colby pulled back from the hug, his arms still around Brennen, Brennen’s wrapped around his waist in a comfy position. “Why me?” And there was an emptiness in his voice that scared Brennen.

”It’ll be okay, Brother,” Brennen promised, wishing he could kiss the sadness on Colby’s face away, not even just to satisfy his own longing but to try to bring something light to the darkness.

But then... he would never know if Colby wanted him because he was hurting or because he actually wanted Brennen.

Did Brennen only want Colby because of what they had been through together?

That thought stopped him in his tracks, and he thought Colby felt the way his body stiffened. “Brennen?” He asked carefully, and this time it was Colby’s hand that came up to touch his face. Brennen basically froze, letting the soft pads of Colby’s fingers trace over his cheekbones, up his nose, to his forehead and back down to his jawline. Brennen wasn’t even aware of what his face was doing, just that it was doing something as Colby’s hand touched it all over.

”Colby...” He breathed, and his hands had moved to rest on Colby’s hips, when had that happened? When had his hands moved from somewhere platonic to somewhere very not platonic?

Colby’s hand paused in its journey, somewhere along Brennen’s jawline. “Is this okay?” He asked nervously.

Brennen swallowed, and he thought Colby might have felt it from where his fingers lingered just on the surface of his throat. “Yeah...” He nodded, and his voice was way more breathy than he would have liked, because Colby was touching him and he very much did not want his friend to stop.

It was Colby’s turn to swallow nervously, and Brennen should stop this, he should really, really stop this, but there’d been too much build up, too much of Colby being close to him and in his space and Brennen just _wanting_ him, mind, body and soul...

And then Colby’s other hand was joining its twin on Brennen’s cheek, and Brennen’s fucking breath caught, because Colby was... Colby’s hands were mirroring each other now, slowly tracing the lines of Brennen’s jaw, his thumbs resting on Brennen’s chin, as his fingers started to drift down Brennen’s neck.

Brennen swallowed hard and Brennen knew Colby felt it this time, because his neck was _sensitive_ , and Colby was touching it just lightly enough but just solidly enough that his body was starting to pay attention, rather, certain parts of his body were starting to pay attention. Shit, he just wanted to lean forward and kiss him. But... Colby had just been blinded, Colby was hurting, Colby was vulnerable...

And then his fuckin’ throat betrayed him because a low groan rumbled out of his chest.

He froze when he heard it, because he knew Colby had too, had to have, but Colby didn’t stop, seeming to focus on Brennen’s neck more, tracing his thumbs down the valleys on either side of Brennen’s Adam’s Apple. His eyes were directed forwards, as if he could see where his hands rested on Brennen’s throat, fingers fanning out to wrap around the back of his neck.

 _Fuck_ , he wanted to kiss Colby so badly...

”Colby...” Brennen murmured, trying not to move his throat too much, not wanting to scare Colby off.

”Brennen...” Colby breathed back, and his voice was thick with something, and Brennen became aware that his thumbs were tracing little circles on inside of Colby’s hip bones. Brennen dug one of his thumbs in just a little bit harder, and he heard this breathy little gasp fall from Colby’s mouth and _shit_ that had to be one of the sexiest sounds he had ever heard in his entire life.

”Colby, I...” Brennen tried to start, but the words felt dry in his mouth, or maybe that was the alcohol, but he shouldn’t do this, no matter how much his body was screaming at him to just pull Colby harshly against him, take what was right there for the taking... “Bro...”

But Brennen never got the chance to make a decision, because that was when they both heard a knock at the door.

 _Are you fucking kidding me?_ Brennen's brain snapped, simultaneously grateful for the interruption... and fucking pissed.

Because he didn't know if he would have been able to stop himself from fucking _devouring_ Colby otherwise. Colby stepped back from Brennen, looking more than a little flustered. "I should uh... I should get that."

Brennen nodded, reluctantly releasing his grip on Colby's hips. "Yeah... yeah you should..." He said quietly, flexing his hands in agitation even as they longed to lock back around Colby's body, tug him into Brennen, kiss him so that Brennen could hear more of those breathy little gasps and the hell with the fucking door...

“We uh... we...I’m sorry...” Colby said quickly, even if the way his pupils were blown told Brennen that he wasn’t really sorry at all.

Brennen waved it off. “Don’t worry about it,” He said. “I uh...”

_Colby was hurting, Colby was vulnerable, Colby had just been blinded._

”You should probably get the door...” He said faintly, working his hands against each other.

Colby looked confused, and conflicted, but he didn’t question it, moving towards the door with a hand still on his cane.

His fucking cane. Because he was blind.

And he didn’t need Brennen lusting after him.

So he just shook off the urges to reach for Colby and kiss him until he made more of those little moans, leaning against the counter and watching Colby make his way to the door of his apartment. He did give himself an indulgent bit of pressure to the front of his jeans however, before the disgust made him pull his hand back.

 _God, Colby was going to think he was getting off on Colby being_ blind. If there was any chance at all for him and Colby to be anything more than friends in the future... Brennen needed to pump the fucking breaks.

And maybe find some time to jack off later to the idea of bending Colby over and...

Stop.

”Hey,” Brennen heard Kevin’s voice and something tightened in his gut. He turned to the door, taking in Kevin and Colby staring at each other. Well, as much as Colby was able to, given the whole blind thing...

”Yo,” Colby said quietly, and he still had his cane in his hand, and Brennen watched Kevin take that in, more guilt falling over his face.

”Colby... dude, I just... I’m fuckin’ sorry, for the comment earlier,” Kevin said, casting a look at Brennen, who was fully prepared to throw Kevin out the instant Colby looked even the least bit uncomfortable. “I just... I didn’t think before I said something and that was... that was fucking stupid.”

”Dude, seriously, I meant what I said, it’s really fine...” Colby said, and Brennen watched him shift on his feet. “You know I’m not...” He sighed, not even trying to meet Kevin’s eyes. “I’m still me, you know?” He said quietly. “I’m still Colby, the same guy you knew a few days ago. I’m just... just blind now.”

”I know,” Kevin said quickly, “It was just... a bad joke, and I’m sorry that I said it.”

”Hey, it’s good, dude,” Brennen heard the forced smile in his voice. “I’m just uh... still getting used to it. Everyone is. It’s just going to take time.” Brennen heard another door open, heard noise from Sam’s apartment next door. “You should go,” Colby said, “Sounds like they’re having fun over there.”

”Yeah...” Kevin said, still looking awkward. “Listen dude, just... just know I don’t see you differently, okay? I still wanna be your friend and shit. And if you need me... I’m there, okay? Just a phone call and I’ll be there.”

Colby nodded, and Brennen couldn’t see his expression, but he didn’t look like he felt too awkward. “Thanks man, I really appreciate it.” He held a hand out so Kevin could take it, pulling his friend into a hug. “Seriously, I’m good,” And he took a step back, gesturing with his hands, “Now go on. I know they’re waiting on you.”

”Okay, okay,” Kevin said, mirroring him and taking a step back. “Seriously, call me. I’ll cook up some secret Langue family recipes.”

Colby actually chucked a little bit, “Sounds good dude.”

Brennen heard the shouts down the hall, hollering for Kevin. “Okay, goodnight dude,” Kevin said, and he pointed at Brennen. “Don’t have too much fun.”

”I won’t do anything you wouldn’t do,” Brennen shot back, an easy grin on his face.

Kevin laughed, “Sounds good, dude,” He waved, “You two have fun!” And then he set off down the hallway towards the noise. Colby hesitated by the door for a few moments, but then slowly turned and closed it, looking back towards Brennen.

”You okay?” Brennen asked carefully, not sure what he was seeing on Colby’s face.

Colby didn’t move from the door, both hands gripping his cane, staring blankly in front of him. “Can we... can we go for a walk now?” He asked quietly.

”Yeah, yeah we can...” Brennen agreed quickly, moving towards Colby. Colby reached for him, and Brennen caught his hand, moving it to wrap around his upper arm. Colby’s hand was shaking, but Brennen didn’t mention that. It was one of Colby’s tells for when he was anxious.

Brennen sighed, beating himself up internally for even thinking about Colby in any sort of sexual way when he was dealing with all of this crap, and he started walking.

It was a relatively peaceful walk at first. They made it to the ground floor without any trouble. It was late, almost eleven at night and Brennen was grateful for the emptiness of the dark city.

Colby must have heard the sliding glass doors open, maybe felt the door grate with his cane, because he pulled to the left after they stepped out in the cool night air. “There’s a park uh... a few blocks that direction,” Colby murmured, the volume of his voice belying the tight grip he had on Brennen’s arm.

”Easy, dude,” Brennen murmured, stroking Colby’s hand where it gripped him, “How about you let my fingers have some blood flow?”

”Shit... sorry...” Colby whispered, and he did loosen his grip just a little bit. “It’s uh... just kinda scary...”

And that made Brennen’s chest hurt again. “I know...” He said softly. “I’m not going to let you hit anything, I promise. I wouldn’t... I wouldn’t do that to you...”

”I know...” Colby said, but he didn’t say anything else, and Brennen didn’t feel the need to fill the silence with words. Instead he focused on what Colby was probably registering, without his sense of sight to overwhelm everything else.

There was the omnipresent sound of car and engines, a slight winter chill (as much as there ever was in LA) and something humid lingering in the air. He could smell concrete, gasoline, and something inherently LA, a smell he’d never found anywhere else in the world. Brennen glanced at Colby, wondering what his vision looked like right now with the lower light levels. “What can you see?” He asked quietly, hoping Colby wouldn’t be offended or hurt.

Fortunately, Colby didn’t seem to be.

”It’s weird...” He said, looking up at a street light. “It’s like... little floaty light blobs...” He shrugged, “It would be kinda pretty if... like...” He looked at Brennen, and Brennen knew the words that he could say.

_If it weren’t the only thing that he would ever see again._

“Yeah... I get that...” Brennen said, watching as Colby’s eyes fell to the ground in front of him again. “Is there any color?” He asked, curious and trying to picture what his friend’s vision looked like.

Colby pressed his lips together, thinking, before he looked up at another passing street light. “Everything’s kinda like... this weird gray-ish color?” He said questioningly, “Like, it’s and the lights are like, kinda brighter gray? The really bright lights get almost like a yellowy white color...”

”That’s... super interesting, actually...” Brennen said, looking at the warm yellow of the street lamps above.

”Yeah...” Colby nodded, “But like, I know that’s a street lamp,” He pointed up, “And I know that’s some car’s headlights...” He pointed at a car that was driving towards them, “Because like... I know what this street looks like and I can hear the car and see it moving but... they look like the same thing to me.” He hesitated, “It’s actually kinda nice, because like, during the day, everything was kinda this uniform gray color but like... now I can see the separate lights so... that’s nice.” He smiled sadly, “Feels like I can see more.”

Brennen pressed his other hand against Colby’s where it gripped his upper arm, squeezing lightly. He didn’t know what to say. Fortunately, Colby didn’t seem to be looking for a response, just quietly following Brennen’s lead as he walked them down the sidewalk.

”You feeling any better?” Brennen asked gently, “Now that we’re outside?” 

Colby didn’t even try to argue that he hadn’t been in a negative place. He just hummed a short positive. “Feels good to be outside. I was feeling kinda trapped in there like... the walls were closing in...” He shuddered and Brennen grimaced. He knew Colby was vaguely claustrophobic, especially after the whole jail thing.

”It’s weird, because like... I know I’m not trapped. I know I can get up and move around and do anything I want to but...” He continued musing, a quiet pain in his voice, “I can’t see that, you know? Everything’s just dark. Except for these little spots of light...” He looked up at the sky again. “Wonder if I’ll be able to see the moon when it’s full,” He whispered thoughtfully, and Brennen was sure that he didn’t mean to hurt Brennen’s heart with that comment, but nonetheless, it happened.

They walked for a few more blocks, Brennen making idle comments and Colby responding to them, adding a few of his own. Colby even seemed fairly relaxed by the time they made it to the park, just kinda tapping along idly with his cane. “Stepping into grass,” Brennen warned him, even as Colby’s cane contacted the change in ground. He just nodded, lifting his feet just that little bit more to step into the grass. “You wanna find a bench or just keep walking?” Brennen offered.

There wasn’t anyone else at the park that Brennen could see, and Brennen took a moment to be grateful for the work schedule of the average person in LA, one that didn’t encourage late Sunday night wandering.

”We can sit,” Colby agreed, and Brennen lead them over to a bench, letting Colby locate it with the help of his cane and sit down on the slated wood.

Brennen leaned against the back of the chair, watching Colby relax back against the park bench. His eyes were closed, and he took a long breath that he released slowly through his lips. Brennen let the silence remain. It was the nice thing about he and Colby’s friendship, was that they could talk about everything and nothing for hours, but also allow their friendship to exist in silence.

Brennen wanted to talk about the whole disabled label thing, but Colby didn’t bring it up, and Brennen wasn’t going to. Because he didn’t want to push Colby to talk about any of this. That wasn’t how you got to know Colby. Colby would share when he was ready, but pushing before then wouldn’t yield anything but evasive answers.

Brennen knew his friend.

His wait was rewarded when about ten minutes later Colby said, “You know... I never thought about the fact that...” He paused, gathering his words. “That I’m... disabled now.”

There it was.

Brennen sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. “Yeah?” He said neutrally, giving Colby a springboard, letting him know that he was being heard, but it was on him to take the conversation wherever he wanted to.

”It’s just... weird, to think about it...” Colby said faintly, and when Brennen looked over again his eyes were open. “I don’t... I don’t think it’s really set in yet. That this... that this is permanent.” His voice had a certain amount of emptiness in it, and Brennen couldn’t restrain himself from reaching for Colby’s hand, resting in his lap where he gripped his cane. “Like... everyone’s told me that it is, and I have someone coming tomorrow to help me get adjusted like it is permanent but like...” His face worked, “It’s still not real to me.”

”And I think that’s normal,” Brennen said, “I mean, dude... it’s only been like two days, right?”

Colby nodded, “It’s been two days...” He agreed. “And I have... what? Eighty more years of this? Like... the rest of my life... I’m never going to see again...”

Brennen swallowed down his emotions. Because he could feel the pain seeping from Colby, the ripping, tearing agony of his emotions, and the fragile wall of denial that was barely holding them back, and that left no room for Brennen’s emotions. Colby was the blind one. “It’ll be okay,” Was the only thing he felt like he could promise, “I promise brother, everything will be okay.”

Colby nodded, “I guess...” He murmured, and he gripped Brennen’s hand back.

”It’ll be okay...” Brennen said, “I’m not going anywhere. I’m with you as long as you need me, okay?”

”Okay...” Colby said, squeezing Brennen’s hand, and he didn’t say anything else.

Brennen didn’t push for more, and so the two just sat in the park and let the night pass around them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m like really weirdly a fan of this chapter. Hope you guys like it as much as I did.
> 
> Still gonna have a new chapter Friday. Been writing a lot recently.
> 
> So I've been doing a ton of research for this story in an effort to portray everything correctly because I want to do justice to the communities I write about. I don't have personal experience with the blind community so I've been stalking this youtuber's page for information on most of this stuff:
> 
> Molly Burke's Channel:  
> https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwf9TcLyS5KDoLRLjke41Hg
> 
> Seriously, her videos aren't just for the visually impaired, they're interesting for sighted folk as well.
> 
> That being said, if my research fails and I portray something incorrectly (which I probably will given that I'm going to start writing about adaptations and not just emotional angst) please let me know. I don't want to do anyone a disservice by portraying things wrong.
> 
> Also, I've realized that while I went into this thinking I was writing a "lighter" fic after the heaviness that was "Tell Me It's Not Too Late" And the whole "Dead and Gone" 'verse, this story is probably going to have some heavy mental health moments as Colby adjusts to life being blind. They'll be filtered through Brennen but uh... still plenty dark, I'm sure. So uh... just a heads up and a generalized trigger warning.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed, and I'll see you in the next one!


	7. Chapter 7

Brennen and Colby made it back to Colby’s apartment just before one in the morning.

Colby seemed to be doing better, his grip on Brennen’s arm looser, not the death grip it had been previously. He talked lightly with Brennen, letting him guide as his cane swung out and warned him of incoming terrain changes. It almost... and Brennen kinda hated himself for thinking of it... felt kinda like a date. If he could ignore the cane and imagine that Colby was holding his arm because he wanted to, not because he needed it to navigate.

They still hadn’t talked about that moment in Colby’s kitchen. That moment that they almost kissed.

Brennen wasn’t even entirely sure Colby had really registered what had almost happened. He would have thought that Colby would have brought it up, but they made it back to the apartment without a comment about it.

There was no one in the apartment lobby that late, and when they made it back up to Sam and Colby’s floor the noise from Sam’s apartment had quieted down. Colby even mostly lead the way from the elevator to his apartment, fingers pausing briefly where they could feel the Braille underneath his apartment number.

“Huh,” He mused, “I guess I get to learn how to read this too, right?”

Brennen nodded, “Yeah, that’ll be pretty cool,” He let Colby detach from him and walk back into his apartment, watching as Colby intentionally set his cane next to the door so that he could find it again. “We should get a hook to hang that thing from,” Brennen commented, closing the door behind them, “So it doesn’t get knocked over.”

Colby paused, but nodded. “Yeah, that would be good,” He agreed. He went for the fridge, pulling out a water bottle. “You want one?”

”Yeah, sure,” Brennen agreed, stifling a yawn. Now that they were safely back at the apartment the exhaustion from the day was starting to crash over him. He’d been up since eight in the morning, since Colby had come in from... 

Oh yeah...

Colby moved back over to him, and Brennen admired the ease with which he had started to navigate his apartment. Now that he was getting used to where everything was, that he had been navigating without sight all day... he just seemed to be doing better.

Brennen took the water bottle, cracking it open and taking a sip as Colby did the same, leaning against his counter together. Brennen thought for a few seconds, putting his week in order. “So... I should probably leave for a little bit tomorrow, while the people are here,” Brennen said regretfully, “I got some stuff I gotta film and take care of.”

”That’s fine,” Colby said, although Brennen could sense the trepidation that took over his body at the idea of Brennen leaving. “I’m sure I’ll be too busy to really be any fun,” He shrugged with a slight nervous grin. “And uh... I’ll have a meeting with Ashley tomorrow and probably the rest of the team...”

”Drinks and Gas Station Jack tomorrow night?” Brennen asked, cocking an eyebrow, “And you can fill me in?”

Colby took another sip of water and nodded. “Yeah... that would be good.” He sighed, setting the drink aside for a moment, “I’m nervous...” He admitted quietly.

”You’ll make it work,” Brennen promised, bumping against Colby supportively.

”I know...” Colby said, fidgeting with his water bottle, “I’m just worried that like... they’re gonna drop me and Sam, since we can’t do what we used to. Well, I can’t...”

”I doubt it,” Brennen shrugged, “It’s not like you guys are still doing ‘Bando shit. Mostly, the shit you guys do... you don’t need sight for. And I hate to say it but...” He grimaced as he took a sip of water. “The blind thing’ll make an interesting gimmick. If you’re willing to use it.”

Colby winced as well but nodded. “Yeah... yeah, you’re right.” He picked up his water again. “Fuck, dude, at least there will be a plan. I hate that I don’t have a plan right now.”

”Your plan is to focus on you,” Brennen corrected, “Everything else comes after.”

”No,” Colby insisted, tapping his foot in agitation, “Because I can’t focus on me until I know everything else is taken care of with the channel and...” And then he froze, “Oh shit, you upload on Sundays! Did you...”

”I had a spare video filmed,” Brennen hurried to assure him. “I always keep one, just in case. So that went up today, you’re fine, dude.” He met Colby’s eyes, even though he knew it didn’t really make a difference. “And even if I had missed an upload... you’re more important than that.”

”Oh...” Colby looked reluctantly pleased, “Okay...” He whispered, taking another sip of his water.

”Seriously. That’s the least of my worries right now, okay?” Brennen knocked against him again. “You’re my priority.”

Colby smiled faintly into his water bottle.

There was a comfortable silence for a few moments as they both took in the chaos that would probably be tomorrow. Brennen was already planning on videos that he could film in bulk with Jake so that he could focus on Colby at night. Maybe he could do some sort of hiking vlog with Kobe. He yawned again, rubbing at his face. The pillows and blankets on the couch started to look super inviting.

That was when Colby finally asked about it.

“So... just in the interest of everything being kinda taken care of... Brennen... earlier... in the kitchen...” And Brennen didn’t need any other context clues to tell him exactly what Colby was talking about. The tone of his voice and the tension in his body told him enough.

”Yeah?” Brennen asked quietly, and now he was awake, his heart starting up a quick pace in his chest.

”What... what was that?” Colby asked quietly, and he looked over towards Brennen.

Brennen took a deep breath as he considered how to respond. His first instinct was to blow it off, to cite messing around or something equally platonic. But the look that Colby gave him was so earnest that he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t lie to Colby like that.

”I uh... It...” He signed, running a hand through his hair. “Just... fuck, okay...” They were going to do this, and Brennen was going to be as honest as he could while still putting no pressure on Colby. So he prefaced, “So... uh... just know that whatever happens, whatever I’m going to say doesn’t change that you’re my best friend, and that I’m going to be here for you through this whole thing no matter what happens, okay? Nothing changes.”

Colby cocked an eyebrow at him. “Okay, dude...” There was some anxiety in his voice.

”I was... uh... so...” Brennen struggled for words, because how the fuck did he communicate the mess that his emotions had been the last few days... “I uh... so...”

Colby chuckled. “Having a stroke there, bro?”

”Shut the fuck up, Colby,” Brennen groaned, pressing his hands into his face. “Okay, so...” This required some explanation. “So... I’m not exactly... straight?”

There was no immediate reaction, and when Brennen turned to look at Colby his face was unimpressed. “I know,” Colby said, his arms crossed over his chest.

Brennen blinked. “What?”

Colby grinned. “Dude, you and this dude in Miami literally started making out on the bed I was trying to sleep in when you stumbled in from the club.”

”Oh...” He hadn’t remembered that part, obviously, and felt color rush into his face... “Uh...”

Colby waved him off, “It’s fine, dude. I figured you didn’t remember so I didn’t bring it up.”

“Oh...” Brennen tripped over his tongue, vaguely mortified. Well, that was one less thing that he had to worry about telling Colby.

Colby shrugged, pink highlighting his cheeks as well, “It’s okay,” He said, “I’m uh... not exactly straight either, if that makes you feel any better.”

That he didn’t know. “Oh...” Brennen said, starting to feel like a broken record. “I never knew.”

Colby shrugged again, “I never brought it up,” He knocked against Brennen, “So... about earlier?”

Brennen barked a short laugh. “Fuck man, you’ve like thrown me off my game with all of these curveballs,” Brennen said, trying to gather his thoughts. “I’m trying to like... figure out how to say it.”

”You don’t need to be delicate,” Colby said, and there was a tightness in his voice that betrayed the casual air he was trying to portray, “I’m still the same person, I can handle it. You were...” He hesitated for a moment, fidgeting with his water bottle. Brennen was just considering his next sentence when Colby asked, “You were going to kiss me, weren’t you?”

And Brennen froze, because Colby could be blunt sometimes, but... because well fuck, he hadn’t expected Colby to call him out on it. “Uh...”

”If Kevin hadn’t knocked... you were going to, right?” Colby asked, and he shifted nervously just a little bit away from Brennen, “Or uh... did I read that wrong? Couldn’t really see your face...”

And Brennen didn’t know if the guilt trip was intentional, but it happened nonetheless. Of course Colby hadn’t been able to read his expression like Brennen could read his. Brennen sighed. Because he owed the honesty to Colby. It was one of the few things he could actually give him. “Yeah...” He said, “That uh... Yeah...”

They stood in silence for a few moments, nervous energy bouncing between them. Brennen spoke first, always one to talk when he was nervous, “I’ve been trying so hard to like, keep from kissing you...”

That seemed like it had been the wrong thing to say because Colby flinched, looking down. “Why?” Colby asked, crinkling his water bottle, “I mean, I was into it... And uh... you were too, I think.”

Colby had been into it? Oh shit, okay, that was good news, because Brennen’s dick had definitely been into it. Totally wouldn’t mind a round two.

 _Shut_ _up_... He was being good. 

“Yeah,” Brennen agreed instead. He felt like this conversation had entirely spiraled out of his control. He originally wasn’t going to say anything about his feelings until everything had stabilized with Colby a little bit because right now Colby needed his love and support.

Not his dick.

“But uh... I didn’t... fuck, Colby I...” He ran a hand through his hair again in agitation, “I wasn’t going to bring it up.” 

Colby looked away, and Brennen saw the fear and hurt that appeared on his face. “Why?” He asked, “Is it... is it because I’m blind now?”

And Brennen hated the self loathing that spread through Colby’s whole body at those words and fuck, he had to say something about that. Because yes... but no. “It... it is, but like... not for the reason you’re thinking,” He said, quickly amending his words at the pain that spread across Colby’s face. “Dude... you have so much going on right now. Like, you just went blind.”

”Yeah, I’m aware,” Colby said tightly.

”No, I mean...” Brennen sighed, running a hand through his hair again, “Fuck, dude, I just know that... like... this is one more thing. One more thing that could be changing and... I didn’t think you needed that right now.”

“I...” Colby started, then trailed off with a noise of frustration. “So like...” He started again, “Just to get this straight, you do like... like me? Just so we’re clear?” Colby asked, and Brennen saw the hope he wouldn’t let spread across his face.

And how could he be anything but honest with Colby? ”I... yeah, yeah, I do,” Brennen chuckled nervously, “I think? I mean, I’m feeling something for you, dude. Just uh...” He shrugged, trying to explain his thinking, “Like... we’ve kinda always been like... a little bit _more_ , right? Like, everyone’s always thought... I mean, fuckin’ Sam and Elton thought we were dating before I even... thought about it...”

Colby nodded, grinning faintly at the memory. “Yeah, they did...” He agreed, and he slid a little closer to Brennen.

”So like... that potential’s always been there,” Brennen continued, subconsciously moving closer to Colby as well, “For us to... be more? I just...” He laughed out loud at the phrase that passed through his mind, “So like... that’s always been there but like... I kinda just made the connection between you and uh... and my dick, if I’m being completely honest.”

Colby chuckled, surprising Brennen a little, “You moaned when I touched your neck, dude, I would say that was pretty obvious.”

Brennen felt heat rush to his face, “It’s sensitive,” He protested weakly, shoving Colby a little bit and his friend laughed. “But uh... I was saying things, important things...”

Colby nodded, his face directed forward. “Something about me being blind?”

Brennen grimaced, “Oh yeah...” He looked at Colby, before reaching over to gently take his hand. Colby’s breath caught, and he looked at Brennen. “Look,” He said, bringing Colby’s hand between his, stroking it gently, “I’m interested in you. In seeing... where this goes, but... but I know that you have like, a shit ton of other stuff going on right now, so...” He shrugged, “I’m like, leaving it up to you, I guess. You want to explore this, we can. You want to stay friends for now, we do that. I don’t... I don’t want to put anything on you right now that you can’t handle. Because...”

“Brennen...”

He continued over the protest. “Because if we’re going to do this...” He said firmly, “I want to do this because we both want it. Not because you’re hurting and we’re really close right now and you’re looking for some sort of comfort.” A little bit of insecurity leaked into his voice.

Colby must have heard it, because he paused, his gaze directed at where Brennen held his hand. There was a quiet tension in the air. Brennen could feel it when he breathed. “Oh...” He said quietly.

”Does that make sense?” Brennen asked, hesitant to disturb the air.

Colby nodded, “Yeah... yeah it does.” He pursed his lips, his eyes moving as he thought. “I don’t... I don’t think that... this is just a response to... everything...” He said, but there was enough insecurity in his voice that Brennen was glad he’d brought it up.

Much as it fucking sucked for his newfound feelings.

”And if it is,” Brennen said, even if the idea of it caused him almost physical pain, “That’s fine, too. But like...” He looked down at the ground. “Like... I just don’t want either of us to fall into something because... because we’re dealing with something shitty together.” He chuckled, “Because trust me, it’s not that I don’t want you. ‘Cause uh...” He felt heat rush to his face again. “‘Cause I do. But like, it’s you, so like... I don’t just want to fuck and call it a day, you know?”

Colby nodded, reluctant agreement on his face. He laughed dryly. “Fuck, I hate that you’re right.”

”And you know... I’m not saying no forever,” Brennen said quickly, “I’m not saying never. I’m just...” And his dick hated him, because Colby was right there, and he could kiss Colby, and push him up against the counter, and kiss him, and run his hands all over his skin and into his hair but...

Colby was vulnerable. Colby was hurting. Colby had just gone blind.

He wasn’t going to be selfish here. He could vent to Kobe later and jack off into oblivion.

Oh yeah, a good, long alone session was coming...

”And I uh... I appreciate it,” Colby picked up on Brennen’s silence. “I don't... I don’t think it’s because of the whole... blind thing, but...” He stared straight ahead. “I guess I really _don’t_ know.”

”Then we wait,” Brennen said, shrugging to display as casualness he didn’t feel. “Give it... I dunno, a week or two? Or more? As long as you need to like, get your feet under you again. Then we can... explore this. Whatever this might be.”

Colby nodded faintly. The silence that sat between them after that felt heavy and awkward, not the feelings Brennen usually associated with their friendship. And he hated that he had to be mature here and couldn't just resolve the fucking tension between them.

Because Colby wanted him. And he wanted Colby. But it wasn’t that simple.

It was Colby who broke the silence. “Can I have a hug?” He asked quietly, turning his head towards Brennen.

And his eyes missed, and Brennen remembered why he was doing this. ”Dude... you never have to ask for that,” Brennen said softly, enfolding his friend in a warm, solid hug. Colby tucked his head into Brennen’s shoulder, letting out a long, shuddering breath.

And Brennen’s dick hated him, but his conscience was clear. Because Colby was his friend. Colby was important to him.

This was more important than getting his dick wet.

And he’d never forgive himself for taking advantage of his friend while he was hurting.

So he just held Colby against his chest, and told himself that this was enough for now.

Brennen’s alarm went off early the next morning, and Brennen groaned, hating its very existence.

He and Colby had stumbled to sleep way too late for how busy their days were going to be today. It was probably quarter to two when Brennen had finally set his wake up alarm for himself and Colby. Now it was seven-twenty in the morning, and Brennen knew the agency was set to arrive at eight. Brennen had wanted to give Colby time wake up and... honestly calm down from the panic attack that he was probably going to have upon waking up.

Colby seemed... stable. If a little bit off, when Brennen had walked him back to bed. But then, he just might have been really tired.

It had been a much more emotionally exhausting day than Brennen had counted on.

Brennen’s phone went off again and Brennen groaned. “Okay, okay, I’m up...” He grumbled, whacking the off button to his alarm.

Time to get Colby up. And be prepared for the panic attack that might ensue.

He wandered sleepily into Colby’s room, smiling faintly at the look of his friend, curled up in his blankets, arms wrapped around his pillow. His face and body were relaxed, and Brennen hated to do anything to change that. But he had to. Colby... Colby was going to need the extra time before strangers showed up at his apartment.

Brennen stepped over to his friend and pressed a hand against his shoulder. “Colby... Colby...” Brennen murmured, shaking Colby’s shoulder lightly. ”Colby, brother...” Colby sucked in a startled breath, his eyes opening blearily. “Hey dude...” Brennen murmured, reaching for one of Colby’s hands and holding it gently. “Good morning...”

”Brennen...” Colby blinked a few times, confusion on his face, and Brennen watched him shift as he reached forward with the hand Brennen wasn’t holding.

Brennen’s heart hurt, but he murmured, “I’m here, dude.”

Colby blinked a few more times, a look of mild panic growing on his face, but then his body sagged, an almost defeated look coming over him. “Oh yeah...” He murmured.

Brennen winced, realizing what had happened. “Hey, Colby.”

”Hey, dude,” Colby sighed, pushing himself up to sitting and pulling his hands back so he could press his hands against his face. “Fuck... I always forget first thing when I wake up...”

”I’m sorry...” Brennen murmured. He couldn’t even imagine what that would be like.

Colby shrugged hopelessly. “I’ll get used to it, I guess...” He looked towards the window, where the morning sun was starting to peek over the horizon. “The sun’s rising?”

”Yeah...” Brennen looked out the window too. “You can see it?”

”It’s a little brighter,” Colby said, “It’s like... I know I can’t see much but like... it’s nice to see something...”

 _Ow..._ Brennen grimaced.

Colby seemed to recognize the darkness of what he had just said. “Sorry, that was uh... that was kinda dark.”

”Hey, it’s good, dude,” Brennen shook it off. “I get it.”

Colby shifted a little bit, and Brennen wondered what was going through his head. Because there was kinda a huge elephant in the room. “Colby... as far as like... last night...” Brennen started, because he’d laid awake way too late last night stressing about what he had said to Colby, worried that he hadn’t been clear enough how he felt and how he absolutely didn’t want Colby to deal with him if he didn’t want to. “I like...” 

“Brennen,” Colby cut him off. He looked at Brennen, “Come here?” And he reached out with a hand.

Brennen took it, and Colby pulled him in for a hug. “I uh... I really appreciate you being honest about everything and like... being so understanding...” Colby said quietly. ”I uh... I think you’re right, that we should kinda put a hold on uh... this,” Colby gestured with his hand, ”While... everything else is going on.”

Brennen felt a little bit disappointed, but he wasn’t going to question it. Colby had enough going on and he didn’t need Brennen putting any more pressure on him. ”Hey, whatever makes you happy, dude,” Brennen said, tightening his arms around Colby before he drew back, looking at Colby’s face. “Just let me know, okay? You call the shots here.” 

“Thank you, Brennen...” Colby breathed, smiling quietly in response, even if there was something haunting behind his eyes. Something in Colby’s posture was stiff, so he didn’t initiate anything more physical contact wise.

He was letting Colby call the shots here. He had already said that. 

Instead, Brennen squeezed Colby’s shoulders. “I’m here for you, bro. I’m here.” He stood back up. “We should uh... the agency will be here in half an hour. You need any help getting ready?”

“I’m good,” Colby shook his head. “Thank you though.”

Something was off. Brennen couldn’t put his finger on it but something was definitely off, but he wasn’t going to call Colby on it.

Colby would ask him if he needed something.

”Okay, dude. Call me if you need me.” Colby nodded, and Brennen left the room to let him get ready. 

The agency woman, Theresa her name was, seemed very nice, even if Brennen wasn’t thrilled at the idea of leaving Colby alone. He knew Colby’s parents were coming by later, but it still felt weird to walk out the door without Colby after their whole weekend together.

After their _discoveries_ last night.

Brennen couldn’t be disappointed. He had given Colby every reason and excuse to not feel obligated to move forward with any sort of dating situation. He had actively encouraged Colby to think about it before doing it. And Colby taken him up on that. Because Colby had enough going on. He didn’t need to focus on whatever this right now.

No matter how much Brennen wanted him.

Brennen glanced at Kobe, riding in his passenger seat, picked up from Grandma’s and grinning at his human. “You ready to make some videos?” He asked the little dog.

Kobe wagged his tail in answer and Brennen smiled at him. “Alright, my dude, let’s do this.”

And when Brennen flopped onto his bed at six-thirty at night he was damn proud of himself. He had enough raw footage for at least two videos, so he could edit them tomorrow morning and get at least one ready to be posted for Tuesday. If he worked like this tomorrow he could be good for the next little bit.

The forty-five minutes jack off session in the shower hadn’t hurt either, even if he felt a little guilty that it was Colby’s face and Colby’s name that had been in his mind and on his lips when he came.

Sam was with Colby now. Brennen had been getting fairly regular text message updates from Sam all day, and his heart had actually fluttered a little bit when he got a text message from Colby’s phone.

It was a simple _Hi :)_ , with the explanation _Learning how to text again,_ but Brennen couldn’t help but be thrilled at the little bit of progress.

 _Hell yeah, brother!_ He sent back, even as his chest hurt at the fact that this was something that Colby would have to learn to do again. 

_Colby will be fine, Colby will be okay..._

And now Colby and Sam were meeting with their team. And Brennen was pacing until he got the all clear from Colby and Sam to come over and talk to them.

He wanted to hold Colby again, kiss his cute little fuckin’ forehead and tell him that it would be okay.

He would learn, he would adapt, he would be okay.

So when he got a call from Sam’s phone at about eight his heart jumped out of his chest. He picked it up quickly, barely conscious of the action, holding his phone to his ear. 

“Yo,” Came Sam’s voice, and Brennen heard a quiet greeting from Colby in the background.

“Hey, what happened?” Brennen didn’t waste any time. “Is everything okay?” _Is Colby okay?_ Went unspoken.

”Yeah, everything... everything’s... fine,” Sam said tersely, and Brennen didn’t like the sound of that.

”What happened?” Brennen asked quickly, already gathering up his stuff to head over to Colby’s.

”Well, they didn’t drop us,” Colby spoke, and Brennen waited for the bad news.

”But?”

”But...” Sam said, “But we’re gonna go home and film a video telling everyone. That uh... should go up tomorrow.”

Brennen froze on his way out the door. “Shit... okay. Colby, you okay?” He addressed Colby directly, wishing he could see his friend’s face.

 _Colby would never see his face again_...

There was silence for a few moments, and Brennen fidgeted with his keys, shoulder pressing his phone to his ear and hand still on the door knob. “Colby? Brother?”

Brennen was halfway out the door when Colby said, “I think I’m going to have to call a rain check on Gas Station Jack, okay?”

Brennen didn’t expect how disappointed he would be. A cold rock settled in his stomach and something heavy moved through his limbs. He swallowed down the disappointment thought because that was fine. Colby didn't owe him anything. “Oh... that’s fine, Colby, seriously. We’ll uh... just let me know when you wanna hang out, okay?”

”Okay...” Colby’s voice was faint, and he didn't say anything else.

”Well, uh... we’ll keep you updated, okay?” Sam said, even as cold disappointment spread through Brennen’s whole body, because he didn’t realize how badly he needed to wrap Colby up in his arms and protect him from the world, just feel his body solidly against him...

Had Brennen scared him away? Had he really thought about Brennen’s words and decided that he wanted nothing to do with him?

Fuck, how badly had he fucked up?

”Yeah... sounds good, dude...” Brennen said, trying to keep the hurt out of his voice, “Talk to you later, okay?”

”Yeah, bye.”

”Bye.”

The line went dead, and Brennen was left staring at his phone.

Fuck.

He looked back at Kobe, and the little dog tilted his head at him. He could almost imagine worry on his little buddy's face. "Well... looks like it's just you and me tonight, Kobe," Brennen said. Kobe trotted forward, seeming to sense his human's distress and standing up on his hind paws, front paws pressed against Brennen's legs.

Brennen reached down so Kobe could lick his hand. "Yeah, I know," He said, "It'll be okay. We'll see Colby tomorrow."

At least... he hoped he would. That’s what he told himself when he sat down at his computer to start editing the footage.

_Colby will be fine, Colby will be okay, and we’ll see him tomorrow..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, trying to keep this realistic, so no first kiss yet... 
> 
> I rewrote this chapter like five times. I think I’m okay with this sequence of events. It keeps it realistic and doesn’t fall too much to fan fiction tropes I don’t think. But... here it is.
> 
> As always, hope you guys enjoyed, let me know what you think, and I’ll see you in the next one!


	8. Chapter 8

And then it was midnight, and Brennen still couldn’t sleep.

He’d given up on editing, electing instead to fuck around on the internet, follow his social media, watch videos on YouTube. Something to keep his mind off the fact that Colby had… that Colby had…

“It’s not a big deal,” Brennen told Kobe. “He probably had a rough day, and the meeting sucked, and now he and Sam are focusing on their channel. And that’s fine. It’s really not my business or my problem.” Kobe cocked his head at his human. “He’s not like, my boyfriend or anything.” Kobe’s tail wagged faintly, and the little dog padded over for pets.

“Yeah, I know, I know. You’re fuckin’ cute…” He scratched behind Kobe’s ears. “You’re the cutest fuckin’ dog in the world, aren’t you?”

Colby wasn’t his boyfriend. The fact that he wanted him to be… had no bearing on any of this.

Wait… he did?

He’d made the connection between Colby and his dick in a very superficial sort of way, in a “thinking about you in a sexual way makes my dick hard” sort of way, and he also knew he cared deeply for Colby, in a best friend maybe more sort of way.

Did that mean he wanted Colby as his boyfriend?

Partner?

Either way it just sounded weird.

Colby was his best friend. Colby made his dick hard. It seemed like the next logical step. At least, it would be. If Colby felt the same way.

He wasn’t sure if he did.

Colby had been into it. The little reactions he’d gotten when touching him, Colby wanting to kiss him again…

But how much of that had been a response to trauma? A response to being blinded?

A response to being so vulnerable with Brennen all weekend. To what they had already been through together. From Colby waking up blind to the emotional breakdowns to just fucking holding each other and taking comfort in the physical contact.

Fuck… what if that was all it was for Colby?

Because Brennen was slowly realizing that that was not what it was for him. At least, he was pretty sure.

Because yeah, they’d always been best friends, always gotten on so naturally, so easily. But there’d always been more. Sam and Elton had seen it years ago. Emily had seen it when they had been together. They’d all known.

Fuck… Brennen didn’t know what to do.

Wait it out, talk to Sam, talk to Colby?

Fuck…

And then Brennen looked over because his phone buzzed. Who the hell was texting him? It was probably someone just asking him to come out and get drunk, he reasoned, which honestly Brennen was not above right now given his current mental state.

But then, he should have known.

It was Sam, the text message simply asking, _You up?_

 _Yeah,_ he responded, _What’s up?_

_Can you FaceTime?_

Brennen’s heart jumped a little bit in his chest. _Yeah, sure. Everything okay?_

Sam didn’t text his response, and instead Brennen got a FaceTime call from Sam ringing his phone. Brennen picked up the call quickly, his heart already up in his throat. “Yo,” He said, as Sam’s drawn face appeared on his screen. “You with Colby?”

“I’m not,” Sam confirmed, and Brennen watched him lean back on his couch. “He went home. Said he wanted some time to think…”

“Oh…” Brennen said, swallowing down the disappointment again. God, he’d gone weeks without seeing Colby before. Why was it so different now? He’d seen him this morning.

 _Because now you know you like him,_ a little voice in his head pointed out.

“How’s he doing?” Brennen asked instead. “How did the meeting go?”

Sam shrugged, a worried and frustrated expression showing up on his face. “Not great,” He said tightly. “They uh… were very blunt about how much they’re going to have to change scheduling because of this, like, with Metalife video filming and touring and like some brand things so that Colby can have time to like, adjust…”. There was some not very well masked anger in his voice, “It’s gonna suck for a little bit…” He sighed, running a hand through his hair, “They want us to tell everyone tomorrow, so that they can kinda start the process of rebranding and rescheduling and shit but you knew that.” He rolled his eyes, “Kinda can’t tell brands they need to reschedule because of no reason, you know.”

“That’s fucked up,” Brennen commented darkly. “Colby’s… he’s not ready to tell everyone, I don’t think. Especially after everything that happened at Pizza night.”

“Fuck, I know…” Sam let out a noise of frustration, “I was ready to punch Kevin for that comment,” He glowered.

“Me too,” Brennen agreed, remembering the hurt that had spread across Colby’s face, the painful conversation they had at the park regarding those words.

_Handicapped, disabled…_

“He did come and apologize though,” Brennen offered, giving Kevin a little bit of credit. “And uh… Colby and I talked about it later.”

“What did he say?” Sam asked, “He uh… he didn’t want to talk about it with me.”

Brennen wasn’t sure he was justified in the little bit of pride that flared through his chest at the idea that Colby had been wiling to share with Brennen and not Sam. It probably had more to do with the timing, that Colby hadn’t been as off last night as he had been this morning and apparently all day today.

“Just uh… that he hadn’t really thought about having to use that word to like, describe himself before,” Brennen explained, responding to Sam’s earlier question. “And uh…”

_“I don’t think it’s really set in yet. That this… that this is permanent… It’s been two days and I have what? Eighty more years of this? Like… the rest of my life… I’m never going to see again…”_

“Brennen?” Sam’s concerned voice broke him out of the haze of remembrance. “You good, dude?”

Brennen blinked a few times, surprised to find his eyes wet, unbidden tears summoned by his thoughts. Emotions that he hadn’t let himself feel around Colby. “Fuck, dude, I’m sorry,” Brennen apologized quickly. “He just… it’s just fucked up, this whole situation,” He swallowed hard on the emotions, “Because I think like… I think it started to hit him last night.”

“Brennen…” Sam’s voice was sympathetic, “You okay, dude?”

But he wasn’t. He wasn’t okay. The pain that he’d kept under tight control was starting to break free because he wasn’t okay, he really wasn’t, but he’d had to be for Colby. Brennen laughed through the sob that wanted to burst from his chest. “Not really, no.”

Sam just nodded, worry etched across his face. “I get that, dude… Like… if you need to process shit… I’m here, okay? I know you‘ve had to like, keep it together for him but like…” He looked down, out of the frame, “I know how you feel, dude. Of anyone I think I get it.”

Brennen nodded, because he knew Sam did, and he was having a harder time holding back the emotions that sat at the surface of his psyche. “It just fucking sucks, dude,” He whispered, “Because like… I mean, fuck, he said it himself. He’s never going to see again. I can tell myself that maybe that will change but the reality is is that it won’t. He’s blind. He’s going to spend the next eighty years blind, and like… it just fuckin’ sucks.” The tears hadn’t fallen yet, he wouldn’t let them, but Brennen was sure Sam could see the glossiness of his eyes. “He’s my best friend and he’s just gone blind and that fucking sucks.”

Kobe had noticed his human’s distress, scampering up to lick at Brennen’s face and offer all the comfort he could. Brennen let out a little laugh that came out more as a sob, lifting a hand to scratch at the dog’s ears. “Hey buddy, I’m okay, I’m okay…”

“But it’s okay if you’re not,” Sam reminded him from over the phone, “I uh…” He laughed awkwardly. “I’ve certainly already lost my shit to Kat a few times, already.”

Brennen laughed wetly, his emotions boiling over, because he hadn’t really had the chance to cry yet, and he wasn’t someone to really just cry, but fucking Colby, and everything that he had been through in the last three days… it tipped the scales.

Because Sam got it. Sam wouldn’t judge him. “Fuck dude,” Brennen whispered.

“I know…” Sam murmured, and Brennen heard the emotions in Sam’s voice too, “All of this, him being blind… it just sucks…”

“It just sucks,” Brennen echoed in agreement. “Because like… his whole life is going to change and like, there’s nothing I can do for him… not really.” He was not going to cry, he was not going to cry…

“You’ve done more than you know,” Sam promised him. He looked away from the screen for a few seconds, before looking back, “Seriously… He would not be as stable as he is without you. Not that I’m saying he’s stable, but…” He shrugged, “It would be so much worse. If you hadn’t been there.”

And immediately Brennen felt guilty again, because he had been supposed to be being a rock for Colby, a friend, and he had gone and fuckin’ put the moves on him and made everything worse. He looked away from the screen. “I don’t know about that…” Brennen said quietly.

“Hey,” Sam said, directing Brennen’s gaze back at him, “You uh…” He hesitated, looking to be thinking over his words. “So… he uh… he told me what you guys talked about last night,” Sam explained softly.

Brennen cringed, because of course Sam knew. Of course Colby had told Sam what a selfish ass Brennen had been, fucking putting _that_ on Colby, who had just fucking gone blind. “I’m sorry, Sam…” He said, not wanting to look at Sam as he said it

Except Sam didn’t react at all like Brennen had expected, leaning back and looking at him with confusion. “The fuck are you apologizing for?” He asked.

“For fucking…” Sam had to be fucking with him. “For going and giving him fucking more to worry about when he already has more than enough on his plate,” Brennen spat, feeling the self hatred boil up within him, “‘Cause I’m… ‘Cause he shouldn’t have to worry about me fucking lusting after him when he’s dealing with this…” He looked away from the screen, not wanting to see the hatred he knew Sam had to be feeling. “For taking advantage of him when he’s vulnerable and hurting and…”

“Brennen, shut the fuck up,” Sam snapped, and Brennen closed his mouth. Yup, this was it. This was where Sam told him to stay the fuck away from Colby. He just grit his teeth, and waited for the chew out.

“Brennen,” Sam said, softer this time, and there was a new tone in his voice, “Do you know how long he’s had feelings for you, dude?”

Brennen blinked a few times, because there was no way he had heard that correctly. “What?”

Sam blinked a few times, surprise evident in his lifted eyebrows. “You didn’t know?” He asked, “Dude… Why did you think I sent you to see him at the hospital?”

“Because you were in Kansas and Jake’s an idiot?” Brennen asked with a humor that didn’t make it to his eyes.

Sam chuckled briefly, “Both true, but not the real reason,” He said. “Dude… Colby had feelings for you before any of this.”

And for some reason that just didn’t click. “You wanna run that by me again?” Brennen asked, not believing the words that were coming out of Sam’s mouth.

Sam sighed, fidgeting with his hair. “He liked you before any of this,” He repeated. “Like, during the trap house days?” At Brennen’s continuing disbelieving stare, he said, “He kinda got trashed one night and told me. Something about a Miami trip and him hating that there was another guy on you?”

And more of the details came out. “Oh…” Brennen said. Shit… really? Colby had liked him before? Colby had told Sam about Miami? He only had a few moment to be embarrassed that Sam knew he was queer before he'd been ready for anyone to know before he asked, “But he never said anything and that was like… a year and a half ago, shit, almost two years since Miami…”

“Yeah, because you had started dating Emily not too long after that,” Sam explained, shrugging with a wince, “Besides… I’m not really sure he figured it out until a little bit later. And that was after you two had kinda started growing apart and I guess he didn’t see the point.”

 _Because Emily hadn’t liked the way he was around Colby…_ had asked him to not hang out with his friend as much. Fuck, but he hadn’t really thought about it with that context until just now. “Emily never liked how we were together. She always thought there was something going on…” Brennen said. “I never understood it…”

Sam nodded, looking away, probably thinking. “Yeah,” He said, “I think that was when he figured it out. That’s when I got him in my room in a drunk gay panic anyway,” He chuckled wryly. “But that’s uh… that’s not really what I wanted to talk about,” He said, and Brennen was listening again, even as his head was reeling at all of the revelations.

“Because… despite the fact that I know he had feeling for you before all of this…” Sam said, “I appreciate that you like…” He trailed off, “There’s not a nice way to say this,” He muttered, “I appreciate that you kind of like… didn’t try to start anything when it like, came out. And that… that you’re letting him figure stuff out before you two like… try anything.”

And that had not been what Brennen had anticipated. “I… you’re not mad that I put that on him at all?” Brennen managed.

Sam sighed, scrubbing at his face. “The timing could have been better,” He admitted, “But like… what the fuck did I expect putting you two together with all of this going on?” He chuckled unexpectedly again, “I’m just glad I didn’t find out you had fucked him last night when I picked him up this morning.”

Brennen groaned, burying his face in his hands even as some part of him gave an excited twitch at Sam’s phrase of ‘you fucked him’ because fuck did he want to bend Colby over something and just sink into that tight little ass of his…

“Stop it, stop it, I can see what you’re thinking about and you need to stop that because that is not a mental image I need,” Sam yelled defensively and Brennen grinned guiltily.

“Sorry…”

“Look…” Sam shuddered, clearly still able to picture what Brennen had been thinking. “I support you two dating. Always have. But I definitely support you two waiting a little bit given everything that’s happened.” He sighed, fidgeting with his hair again. “If you two do like… fall into something because jumping headfirst into shit without thinking is kinda Colby’s thing…” He rolled his eyes a little and Brennen smiled faintly, “Then like… that’s fine, I’ll support you I just…” He shrugged, “Try to give him some time? Okay?”

“Sam, honest to God I am not going to try anything with Colby until he’s a little bit more stable, I promise,” Brennen said. “I’m… I’m the last thing he needs right now. Not with the way his whole fuckin’ life has changed.”

“You’re not the last thing he needs,” Sam said firmly, cutting through his nonsense, “He does need you. You’re not a bad person for loving him, Brennen.”

And that… that was an interesting thought. Did he love Colby? “I… fine…” Brennen said quietly, knowing he wasn’t going to win any battles with Sam tonight and not really wanting to think about that last little thought, “But trust me, I’m definitely not going to be putting any moves on him. Ball’s in his court.”

“And I appreciate that,” Sam said, a tight smile on his face. “I uh… I just hope he’ll be okay…”

“He will,” Brennen said resolutely. Because he refused to believe anything else. Colby would be okay, Colby would adjust. “He seemed okay when he left your place?”

Sam sighed, “I don’t think so,” He said regretfully. “But uh… he wanted to be left alone, so…” He ran a hand through his hair, “It’s not like we can just babysit him.”

“I know, I know…” Brennen muttered, much as he wanted to do exactly that. He could protect Colby that way, prevent him from getting into any situations that he couldn’t get himself out of without sight, keep him from imploding again once it all hit him…

But then, that wasn’t really sustainable was it? Colby had to be able to do this one his own, only asking for support when he needed it, not because he always needed it.

Didn’t mean that Brennen had to like it.

“I just worry about him,” Brennen commented.

“Me too,” Sam said, casting a look off to the side. “He’s… fuck, Brennen, he’s not okay and I don’t know what to do about it.”

“I don’t either…” Brennen admitted, because he still didn’t. Distracting Colby and pretending like nothing was wrong would only work for so long. “How did filming go?” Brennen asked quietly, knowing that there was no way that that had helped.

“It uh… not great,” Sam admitted, “It’s uh… not a long video. And he was like… out of it the whole time.”

“He’s been out of it since this morning,” Brennen said, “I uh… I thought it was my fault,” He said honestly.

“It’s not,” Sam said firmly. “You know Colby. He deals with shit best alone.”

“To a point,” Brennen pointed out. “Then it’s destructive.”

Sam nodded, wincing at the truth in his words. “Then you or I go and show up at his place and force him to talk to us,” He shrugged, “Not the first time I’ve done it. Won’t be the last.”

“True…” Brennen agreed, jumping slightly when his phone buzzed in his hand.

It was a text message. From Colby.

_Drinks and Gas Station Jack tomorrow night? :)_

“He just texted me,” Brennen said, hopping over to the text screen, feeling disproportionately happy at the words that he saw on his screen.

“What did he say? Also, dude, you should see his phone now. It fucking talks…”

“Wants to have drinks and listen to the audiobook we’ve been listening to,” Brennen said, unable to hold the smile back. “What do you mean it talks?”

_Hell yeah, Brother! See you tomorrow? 7 okay?_

“Like, when he touches the screen. It tells him what he’s touching. It’s actually really cool.”

“That does sound cool,” Brennen said, waiting with baited breath for Colby’s response.

_I’ll let you come at 6 if you bring tender greens…_

_It’s a deal!_

“I’m going over to his at six tomorrow,” Brennen explained, and he could feel the stupid grin on his face when he flipped back over to the FaceTime window.

Sam rolled his eyes at Brennen, but the smile on his face was indulgent. “How the fuck you two didn’t figure this out before I have no fucking clue,” He commented.

Brennen felt his cheeks heat. “Shut the fuck up, Sam.”

Sam laughed, and Brennen even found himself chuckling a little bit. “But seriously,” Sam said, “I’m going to go to sleep soon because I am _fucking_ exhausted but…” He looked Brennen in the eyes, “Thank you. For everything you do for him.” Brennen felt a little overwhelmed when Sam said, “You make him happy.”

“He deserves to be happy,” Brennen said simply, because he did.

Colby deserved all the happiness in the world.

Sam grinned bigger at him, “He does,” He agreed. “And you make him happy.” And he didn’t give Brennen time to fight him on it because he said, “Alright dude, I’ll talk to you later. Keep me updated?”

“Will do. And you too,” Brennen said.

Sam flashed him a thumbs up, yawning hugely into the phone. “Alright, goodnight, dude.”

“Goodnight,” Brennen said, pressing the end call button.

And as he did he realized there was still a stupid grin on his face.

Colby had liked him before all of this.

It wasn’t just due to trauma. He laughed a little bit to himself at how stupidly happy that thought was making him.

Colby had liked him before…

Brennen worked like a mad man the next day, the incentive of being able to see Colby driving him to new levels of productivity. The only pause in his day involved the release of Sam and Colby’s newest video, the reveal to their community that something had happened.

Because just like so many fans that had seen the promotional tweets and instagram stories that Sam and Colby had put out, Brennen was sitting in front of his computer at 1:14PM to watch the video.

Sam hadn’t been wrong. It was indeed a short video, only about five minutes, with the title, “We have something to tell you…”. But it was one of the hardest five minute videos Brennen had ever watched.

Sam and Colby were seated at Sam’s apartment, both staring at the camera. Brennen wasn’t quite sure how Colby was managing except that as the video started, he saw the ring light reflected in his friend’s eyes.

They’d given him a bright target to aim for. Fuck. It was ingenious but it made Brennen’s chest hurt even before Sam and Colby started talking.

Colby started the intro as always, “What’s up, guys? It’s Sam and Colby.”

“And today’s video is going to be a little bit more serious than our usual ones,” Sam continued, looking at Colby, “Because uh… something happened this weekend that we’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you.”

“As most of you know, I was in a car accident on Friday,” Colby said, looking steadfastly at the camera. Brennen could see the little bit of unease and “off” that permeated his whole body, “I’m uh… I’m mostly okay, except for uh, for one thing, that we’ve been kinda trying to figure out how to tell you guys because uh…” He chuckled nervously, “I’m still trying to come to terms with it.”

“During the accident, someone t-boned Colby’s car,” Sam picked up, shifting his hands in his lap, and Colby even turned as if to look at him. “He hit his head really hard and uh… there was some swelling in his brain.”

“The swelling damaged the nerves that tell my brain what my eyes are seeing,” Colby explained quietly. “I woke up and uh…” He looked down.

There was a cut, and Brennen imagined there was probably a short space of dead air where Coby gathered his thoughts. “I can’t really see anymore,” He said, and Brennen hated the emotionless voice Colby spoke with. It was matter of fact, and heart wrenching to hear. “I have some light perception, so like, I can tell that there’s a big bright ring light on the camera but like… that’s about it.” He looked down again, “I’m basically blind now. And I’m trying to adjust to that.”

Brennen didn’t want to look at the comments, so he kept watching Colby’s face as Sam picked up speaking.

“We wanted to tell you guys as soon as we could so that you guys knew what was going on,” Sam said, glancing worriedly at Colby, who was fidgeting with his rings, “So uh… as I’m sure you guys realize, it’s going to take Colby a while to like, adjust to this.”

“So if you see me out in public with a cane… this is why,” Colby explained, and Brennen could almost see him retreating further into himself as the video continued.

“And I know we’re going to get a lot of people saying that this is a prank in the comments,” Sam said, “That we’re messing with you guys but uh… it’s really not. 

“Trust me, I wish it were a prank,” Coby commented, and the darkness in his voice broke Brennen’s heart again.

Sam glanced at him with worry, continuing, “On our word, we’re not trying to prank you. We’re just asking you guys to stick with us while we try to adjust to this.”

“We’re not quitting YouTube, or Metalife, or anything like that,” Colby said, “We’re just taking a little bit of time to kinda figure this out. So if Sam or I are a little bit less present than usual, that’s why,” He sighed, “Like guys, I’m having to relearn how to use my phone. Apple’s got this really cool program called Voiceover that’s helping a lot but uh… it’s still going to take time. I still love you guys, I promise, I just can’t respond to a lot of social media right now.”

“Nothing changes,” Sam promised, “We just need a little bit of time.”

“If I have the mental ability on Friday I’ll still try to upload,” Colby said, “But right now, I can’t make any promises, and I’m sorry for that. This has all been uh… a lot.”

Sam passed Colby a sympathetic look. “Alright, well, it’s late as hell, and we’ve had a really long day,” Sam started wrapping up. “Thank you for watching, and thank you for supporting us. We really appreciate it.”

“We’ll keep you guys updated,” Colby nodded, “Thank you for understanding.”

“Bye!”

And the video ended.

Brennen texted Colby almost immediately, _Just saw the video. Good job :)_

It didn’t feel like quite the right thing to say, but he wanted to show his support faster than he could think of anything else.

Colby’s response was a little delayed, but he sent back a _Thanks dude_ with no further text. That was fine. Brennen was sure that he had a lot going on in his head. Brennen knew Sam was there with him right now, had gotten the text from Sam, and was so thankful for that.

Colby needed all the emotional support he could get.

That was even more evident once Brennen made it over to Colby’s apartment. He knocked, not just letting himself in, figuring he should at least let Colby make the call about whether to let him in.

When Colby opened the door, Brennen immediately wanted to pull his friend into his arms. This broken, exhausted look was painted clear across his face. It was clear that Colby had not had a peaceful day. “Hey dude,” Brennen said quietly, “I brought food?”

Colby nodded absently. “Can you put the food on the counter?” There was something in his voice that Brennen couldn’t quiet identify, something heavy.

Brennen was a little confused, but he obliged, setting down the bags of food. No sooner had he done so that his arms were full of Colby, throwing himself against Brennen and trembling violently into the hug. “Fuck, Colby…” Brennen murmured, wrapping his arms tightly around his friend, so grateful to feel the solid warmth of his body against his.

“Fuck, dude…” Colby whispered, and he lost most of the last word on a sob.

“It’s gonna be okay, Colby, I promise,” Brennen whispered, stroking his back, “It’ll be okay…”

Colby just sniffled and nodded into his shoulder. “Please…” Colby murmured. What he was asking for Brennen didn’t know, so he just continued to hold his friend solidly against him.

"It'll be okay, dude, it'll be okay..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love writing Sam and Brennen's friendship as they both worry over Colby. It makes me happy.
> 
> Little bit of things maybe getting better? Well, at least everyone's on the same page now.
> 
> Fallout next chapter!
> 
> As always, thank you for reading, let me know what you think, and I'll see you in the next one!


	9. Chapter 9

“Did you see all the comments?” Was the first question to come out of Colby’s mouth after they broke the hug.

After a hug that had lasted a good five minutes, Colby had wiped his eyes, grabbed his food and wandered back over to the couch, pulling his phone out of his pocket. Brennen watched with interest as like Sam had said, Colby’s phone started talking, a quick voice informing him what his fingers were brushing over as he traced them over the screen.

”Brennen?” Colby’s voice reminded him that he was supposed to be responding to his question, not staring quizzically at Colby’s phone.

”Shit, sorry, the phone distracted me,” Brennen apologized quickly. “The talking, I mean.”

Colby nodded, “Cool, huh?” Brennen heard a quick “YouTube” from the phone before Colby tapped the screen.

”Yeah...” Brennen said, coming to sit next to Colby so he could see Colby’s phone screen. The brightness was turned all the way up, and Brennen squinted a little bit at it. “But no, I haven’t had a chance to look. Kinda didn’t know how I felt about it...” He had almost been afraid to look, worried about how the community felt about the revelation.

Colby nodded, “I get that...” He was carefully navigating to the comments section of his newest video as his phone quickly spewed it what it was that he was touching.

“Dude, how can you hear that fast?” Brennen asked in admiration.

Colby cracked a grin, “Believe it or not it goes faster.”

Brennen blinked, “How the fuck do you understand it that fast?”

Colby shrugged, “Practice?” He asked, and Brennen could see the faintly proud look on his face.

Brennen whistled, “Shit, dude. That’s cool.”

”Feels like my hearing has gotten better too,” Colby said, “Like... since everything.” There was only a small amount of bitterness in his voice, and Brennen counted that as a success.

”That would make sense,” Brennen said, “Everything’s kinda compensating...” And Colby had navigated to the comments page, his finger moving over them as his phone read them out loud. Brennen missed a word or phrase here and there, but he was able to read the comments to make up for the fact that the phone spoke almost too quickly for him to register.

Ninety percent of the comments were positive, supportive, fans expressing their sympathies and condolences. Brennen read over a couple of personal stories, people who either knew someone or were visually impaired and some of their stories. 

There were comments telling him to collab with other YouTubers. Most specifically a creator named Molly Burke was coming up. She was apparently an LA based blind YouTuber.

”That could be interesting,” Brennen commented, “Might be cool to reach out to her.”

”Yeah...” Colby said absently, continuing to scroll, almost like he was looking for something.

Brennen found out what it was when Colby stopped on a comment a little further down on the page.

_Wow, talk about a low grab for clickbait!_

”Colby...” Brennen murmured, a sick feeling growing in his stomach, but Colby scrolled and clicked lower.

_He’s looking at the fucking camera, obviously he’s not blind! This is bullshit!_

_Like this if you think this is a new low for Sam and Colby!_

_No one, absolutely no one, Colby: I’m blind!_

”Colby...” Brennen said, louder this time. But Colby didn’t seem to be paying attention to him, scrolling through the negative comments.

_So much for good content..._

_I bet he did this on purpose for clickbait..._

_God I feel so bad for his friends having to deal with this..._

And Brennen had heard enough.

”Colby.” And Brennen pulled the phone from Colby’s fingers, “Bro, hey, stop.”

“Brennen,” Colby tried to grab back for his phone, “What the fuck, bro? Give it back.”

”Not if you’re just going to listen to that negative shit,” Brennen snapped, leaning back to keep the phone from Colby’s fingers even as Colby grabbed tightly at his shoulders to try to pull him back, “Dude, there was so much positivity and support, you can’t focus on the negative stuff.”

”Brennen, give me my fucking phone back,” Colby growled, and there was something dangerous in his voice, “I can’t fucking see you to grab it and that’s not fair.”

 _Ow..._ Brennen cringed because it was true. “Fuck, okay, okay...” Because he wasn’t going to take unfair advantage of Colbys blindness. “I’m sorry...” He pressed it back into Colby’s searching hand.

Colby quickly shoved it back in his pocket as if Brennen might try to take it away again. “Colby... I’m sorry...” Brennen said quietly. “I... that was stupid, and I’m sorry.”

“Fuck...” Colby sighed heavily, pressing his face into his hands. He breathed for a few moments before he swore murmuring, “Fuck, it’s fine, I’m sorry I pulled the blind card on you.”

”Colby...” Brennen carded a hand through his hair. They’d get stuck in an apology circle if they weren’t careful. “It’s fine, dude. Seriously.” He eyed Colby carefully. “How are you doing?”

”I’m... feeling a lot of things...” Colby said, but he didn’t elaborate, and Brennen got the feeling he wasn’t going to say anything more.

”Look, your fans will get over it,” Brennen promised quietly, putting a hand on Colby’s shoulder, “They’ll stick with you through this. Don’t let the trolls get you down.”

”I know, I know... but like...” Colby started haltingly, fidgeting with his rings. “I’m glad that it’s over, that everyone knows, but...” He shook his head, closing his eyes, “I wasn’t ready for them to know yet...”

”It’ll be okay, dude,” Brennen murmured, squeezing Colby’s shoulder. “Come on, let’s eat. Tender Greens makes everything better.”

Colby nodded absently, reaching for where he had left his food on the coffee table. Brennen let him break into the container himself, reminding himself that Colby was independent, and would ask for help if he needed it. “Gas Station Jack?” He asked quietly, not looking at Brennen.

Not that it really made a difference anyway.

”Yeah, will do,” Brennen said, recognizing a subject change when he heard one.

And as Brennen started the audio, he had to restrain himself from pulling Colby into his arms. They were being platonic, and platonic Brennen wouldn’t have done that.

Didn’t stop him from wanting to though...

And somehow, unbelievably, as the days passed, they fell into a rhythm.

Colby would spend his days with the agency, relearning how to navigate around LA and his life without sight. Brennen would do whatever he needed to do during the day, before traveling over to Colby’s apartment most night, where they would listen to more narration, or chat, or just generally _be_ around each other again. Sam joined some nights, or hung out with Colby on the nights that Brennen had other obligations, neither of them wanting to leave him alone. Colby was maybe quieter than he had been, but that in of itself wasn’t a massive cause for concern.

He would let Colby be quiet if Colby wanted to be quiet.

Colby didn’t ask for physical contact outside of hugs at entering and leaving, and Brennen didn’t initiate it. They wouldn’t have done that before and Brennen reasoned that if they really were trying to not to act on the whole feelings thing that they should generally behave as they would have before that came out.

And even though Brennen knew Colby had liked him before now, he still felt strongly about Colby adjusting to blindness before he attempted to add Brennen into his life like that.

Colby missed uploading the first Friday after the accident, even if he posted across his social media that he was sorry, but his mental health wasn’t in a place to be able to be okay for the camera.

And then it had been a week since he’d woken up blind.

Brennen came over that night, and Colby barely spoke. They were listening to the adventures of Gas Station Jack and the incident of the mayflies when Colby said, “So it’s been a week.”

Brennen closed his eyes, pain shooting through his chest. “Yeah...” He said.

”So... I guess they’re not going to heal,” Colby said quietly.

And that hurt more.

Brennen grit his teeth, pressing his lips together. _Fuck_... And what could Brennen do but promise him that everything would be okay?

"It'll... it'll get better, dude... I promise..." Brennen said quietly.

Colby nodded, darkness in his eyes. "I guess..." He said, and didn't say anything else.

"You want a hug?" Brennen asked, eyeing Colby carefully.

But Colby shook his head. "If you hug me I'll cry again," He said, his voice hollow. "And I... I'm so sick of crying..."

"Okay..." Brennen had to swallow hard to control his own emotions. "Let me know if that changes, okay?"

Colby just nodded, pulling a pillow across his chest.

Brennen just wished there was something that he could do.

But there wasn’t.

The next week was better. After Saturday and Sunday were spent mostly just trying to keep Colby from self destructing, getting him out of the house with the agency actually seemed to help. Colby spent the better part of Tuesday and Wednesday on the streets of LA, learning to determine when it was safe to cross (he was actually posting on instagram about it and that made Brennen feel a little bit better). Brennen didn't let him get too comfortable at home that night before Brennen was at his place, urging him to put on comfy clothes he didn't mind walking in.

He took them both to a hole in the wall ice cream place, and it was silly, and stupid, but the grin that lit up Colby's eyes when Brennen ordered him a large of his order... it made it worth it. And Brennen's heart fluttered in his chest again.

Fuck... maybe he was falling in love with Colby.

A couple of the others in the friend group made time to come and hang out with Colby too, and Colby seemed like he was in a better place when he posted on Friday, a video titled "What have I been up to?" Brennen knew Sam helped with posting, and Colby didn't edit his own personal channel videos anymore, so it went up without a hitch. And in the video Colby took the fans through everything that he was doing to get back on his feet, get back to functional.

Brennen watched the video.

If he didn't know Colby so well, he would have thought Colby was actually doing well.

And then that Saturday, two weeks after Colby had lost his vision, Brennen was feeling generally pretty chill about the content that he had amassed. He would be good for a few days at least, so he could take this weekend easy. He had it in his mind that he could take Colby out somewhere. Maybe not on downtown LA, but more of a hiking situation. Get Colby out of the noise of the city.

It had to be draining now that his hearing was so much better.

Because Brennen loved listening to the stories with Colby, loved closing his eyes and knowing that he and Colby were having the same experience, enjoying the same thing. But it felt like time for a change. Because Colby had been getting quieter and quieter, not responding as much to Brennen’s probes at conversation.

And that worried Brennen.

Maybe if he could get Colby out of the apartment, outside of the building walls, he might start to feel better.

Except that Brennen got over to Colby’s apartment and he knew immediately that his friend was not going to be up to leaving the place tonight.

When Colby answered the door, there was a certain listlessness in his face that Brennen immediately did not like. “Yo,” Brennen murmured, taking Colby’s hand and pulling him into a quick hug that Colby only half reciprocated. Brennen pulled back, still keeping two hands on Colby’s shoulders, so he could look his friend in the face, “Yo, what’s up?”

”Don’t you have somewhere better to be?” Colby asked quietly.

Brennen blinked for a hot moment, before he said, “What?”

”Don’t you have somewhere better to be?” Colby repeated, and he pulled loose from Brennen’s hands, walking back into his apartment. “It’s a Saturday night. I’m sure there’s something fun going on downtown.”

Brennen shrugged. “Meh, not really.” There was some sort of banger going on at a friend of Jake’s, but Brennen knew it would be way too overwhelming for Colby. “Besides, I was thinking we could go for like a hike or something? Get out of the city?”

“Isn’t Jake having something?” Dammit.

Brennen sighed, “Yeah, it’s his friend Ethan's 21st. But that...” _It’ll be loud, and crowded, and so not the environment that Colby needed to try to tackle blind..._ “It’ll be a lot,” Brennen finished.

”Are you telling me what I can and can’t handle, Brennen Taylor?” Colby asked, and his attempt at casual teasing failed by a landslide.

”I...” Brennen cut himself off, because maybe he was. And he never had wanted to do that. “You really want to go?” He asked.

Colby shifted on his feet, and it was his worried but determined but nervous as hell body language, hands fidgeting with his rings. “I... yeah...” He said quietly, “I do.”

And Brennen wasn’t sure how he felt about that, how good of an idea that was, because if he started listing off the main senses that he used to navigate such a situation... vision was pretty top of the list. Not to mention the strobes that would probably be very overwhelming with Colby’s vision being narrowed down to light perception.

But he knew his friend. And once Colby got set on something, it wasn’t easy to talk him out of it. “Okay...” Brennen said, forcing a grin, because this would be a thing Brennen would have had to get drunk for and now he knew he was going to have to stay mostly sober to keep an eye on Colby. “Okay, but you’re going to have to let me borrow some clothes, because I am not dressed appropriately for this.”

Colby smiled at him, and it was a nervous smile, a smile that made Brennen pray that he wasn’t making a huge mistake in allowing this. “Cool, yeah, totally. Let’s do it.”

He should have known better.

They’d cracked out a few beers, Brennen digging through Colby’s closet to see what he could get to look good on his frame. He and Colby were built slightly differently, and a fitted t-shirt and patchwork jean jacket ended up being the compromise he went with on top of his black jeans. He was trying to get his hair to behave and ignore Colby moving around half naked in his room.

They maybe not be actively trying to date or be physical, but Brennen felt like Colby was intentionally teasing him. He’d always been a bit of a flirt drunk, so it made sense that would extend to Brennen. So he just grit his teeth and kept his fucking mouth shut and focused on his hair.

Because he was being _good_ , dammit.

”Yo, what do you think?”

And the Colby was standing in the open door, bomber jacket over a fitted logo black t-shirt, and skinny jeans that did nothing to hide his body, the muscles that Brennen wanted to trace with his fingers, his tongue, press down into the mattress and just _feel_ him...

Fuck. Brennen had forgotten how _hot_ Colby was when he actually dressed up.

“Shit, dude,” Brennen whistled, combing his eyes over his friend. “Damn.”

”It looks good?” Colby asked, and there was a touch of shyness in his voice. “I was worried because I can’t like, see how it looks, and I was pretty sure I remembered these looked good together, but...”

”Bro,” Brennen cut him off, “I would totally bang you if I wasn’t trying to be good.” And for a moment he was a little upset he hadn’t policed his mouth more, but then he saw the happy color that rushed into Colby’s cheeks, and he couldn’t bring himself to regret it.

”Thanks, dude,” Colby grinned, and Brennen chuckled a little awkwardly.

”No thanks needed, dude,” Brennen promised, definitely not taking advantage of the fact that Colby couldn’t see him checking him out to call him on it.

And it made him feel a little bit guilty, but shit, he just wanted to get all up on that...

”What did you end up wearing?” Colby asked, walking over to Brennen. It was almost uncanny, because Brennen knew for a fact that Colby couldn’t see him, but he was getting so much better at using his other senses to make up for that fact, finding Brennen easily with an outstretched hand.

Brennen didn’t have it in him to not react to Colby being so close after his thoughts had gone where they did. His breath caught, looking at Colby as his hand landed on Brennen’s chest and his fingers lightly moved over Brennen’s chest, trying to feel what he was wearing.

Whether he had been stunned into silence, or he wanted to let Colby determine what he wanted to know himself, or he just didn’t want Colby to stop touching him, Brennen wasn’t sure. But he kept his mouth shut and just let Colby see with his hands.

_I should stop this I should really stop this..._

But he didn’t want to, and he wasn’t sure Colby knew what he was doing. For all Brennen knew he was seeing with his hands and that was all. 

It started off pretty innocuous. Colby touched the edge of the jacket and trailed up it to the collar, but Brennen knew that Colby knew what he was doing when he brushed his fingertips over Brennen’s neck. Brennen sucked in a breath, and he caught the smile that Colby tried to hide. “You asshole, you know exactly what you’re doing...” Brennen accused, and he wouldn’t be held responsible for the growl that came out of his mouth, or the hand that slipped to grip lightly at Colby’s hip.

Colby lifted his face, and Brennen could see the mischievous grin that was pulling at his lips. “Maybe...”

”You fuckin’...” Brennen grit his teeth at Colby, because he wasn’t super drunk, just his usual pre-game tipsy, if a little less than usual due to the situation, and he didn’t have an excuse to fuck this up. He was going to let Colby adjust first, dammit, and even if he was adjusted or whatever that meant they sure as shit were not doing this drunk for the first time.

So Brennen reached for Colby’s wrists, gently pulling his hands away from his oh so sensitive neck. “If you don’t stop that, I’m going to fuck you into the couch, and we need to talk about this first.”

”Dude, come on,” Colby’s lips turned down into a pout, and Brennen almost, almost let him go to keep exploring. But then he felt it again, that strange sickness in the air, something in his gut telling him that if he let Colby go through with what he wanted to do that he would regret it.

So he took a step back from Colby, releasing his wrists and saying, “If we’re going out, we’re going out. If you wanna talk about other stuff... then we both need to sober up and talk about it.”

Colby groaned, but stepped back from Brennen, tracking back to where he had left his drink. His third, Brennen was pretty sure. It wasn’t the first night Colby had drank since his accident, but it was definitely the first time he had drank this much this quickly since then.

“We’re going out,” Colby confirmed, raising the bottle to his lips. And as Colby downed the rest of his drink, Brennen sat his down, a worried pit growing in his stomach.

Fuck. He had a bad feeling about this.

It wasn’t long after that when Brennen called an Uber, leading Colby down to the street. Colby hadn’t wanted to bring his cane, and Brennen reasoned that would probably be fine if he just held onto Colby. It wasn’t like there would really be room for Colby to move the cane. Brennen more just wanted it as a visual cue to anyone looking at him that he was blind and might need help but...

Brennen could see that Colby didn’t want anything to do with that. Which he got but also... worried about.

If people didn’t know... Colby could be in some serious trouble.

He’d just have to not let Colby get very far from him tonight. “You’re gonna stick with me, right?” Brennen asked Colby quietly.

”Yeah, of course,” Colby was grinning a tipsy grin at him. “I’ll be good, dude. Seriously. You don’t have to worry about me.”

And Brennen really wanted to believe him, but Brennen worried. Of course he did. So he squeezed Colby’s shoulder from where they sat in the back of the Uber. “Cool, just keep me posted, okay?”

”Dude,” Coby rolled his eyes. “I’ll be fine. Stop worrying so much.”

And then they were at the house, and Brennen could hear the music from the street. Colby paused ever so slightly when he climbed out of the car, and it was the first time Brennen saw just a ghost of worry across Colby’s face. But then he was grinning at Brennen again, and he reached out for Brennen’s shoulder, how they’d been walking in unfamiliar environments since Colby lost his sight.

And Brennen couldn’t help but smile back at his friend. “Alright, lets do it,” He said jovially.

And the smile on Colby’s face made forcing the grin worth it.

And Colby only grimaced a little bit when they walked into the house. Brennen had been right. There were flashing lights coming from one of the room, pounding music that shook the whole house. People were pressed tightly into little groups, and the alcohol had been well and flowing. Brennen grimaced as he stepped into something wet and sticky.

Hopefully just alcohol.

”Hey! Brennen! Colby! You made it!” Brennen heard their names and he turned to see Brett, one of Jake’s friend, making his way towards them. “Yo! What’s up?” And Brennen was relieved, because he knew at least Brett knew what was going on with Colby. He had been over at Jake's when Brennen had told his brother the whole, sordid tale.

He would know how to help Colby if he needed it.

”Yo!” Brennen called, seizing the guy’s outstretched hand and pulling him in for a one on armed hug. Colby picked up on what was going on, shifting to let Brennen complete the hug and holding his hand out for one of his own. It was smooth, Brennen almost forgetting again that Colby couldn’t actually see what was going on.

”You guys need drinks?” Brett asked, pointing finger guns at them.

”Hell yeah,” Colby said, teeth showing in his grin.

Brett grinned at him, catching his hand so he could give Colby a high five. “Hell yeah, dude! Jack and coke okay?”

Colby seemed a little startled at the high five, but then he shrugged, nodding. “Sure. Why the fuck not?”

And Brennen knew that would be drink number four for the night. Over about two hours. Which was fine, Colby had done it before, but Brennen also knew how Brett made drinks. And Brett poured them strong.

”How about you, Brennen?” Brett directed his eyes at Brennen.

Brennen shrugged. “Beer is good, whatever you got, dude.” So he could drink but still keep his wits about him. Still watch Colby.

Colby sent him a look of borderline disappointment. “Bro, really?”

Brennen only felt slightly attacked. “Someone’s gotta get us home, bro,” He knocked against Colby lightly.

Colby cast his a disbelieving look, and even Brett called his bull on that. “Dude, I’ve seen you make it back into your bed after you were completely blackout. You Taylor’s always find you way into some sort of bed,” There was a lilting tease in his voice and Brennen rolled his eyes, smiling guiltily because yeah, his history would suggest that. Colby laughed, and Brennen pushed into him just a little bit, reassuringly but also daring Colby to say anything.

But he didn’t, just gave Brennen soft, secret smile.

Brennen felt his heart do a flip.

Brett kept talking, “I’ll make something up for you. You’re not fucking drinking beer at Ethan’s birthday party.”

”Dude,” Brennen started to protest, but Brett was already walking away.

And then he felt Colby squeeze his arm with his hand, asking for Brennen’s attention. “Yo, what’s up?” He asked, looking back at his friend. He was getting much better at making sure that everything he directed at Colby was verbal.

And the music was loud, but Colby’s face was close enough that Brennen could still make out his words. ”Brennen, don’t worry about me,” Colby said, and his voice was serious. “Please? Just do what you would do if this was like it was before, okay? Please? I really, really, hate to think that you’re not enjoying yourself because of me.”

“I can have fun without getting drunk,” Brennen defended, but Colby’s face told him to cut the bullshit. 

“You’d better fucking chug that drink he’s bringing you,” Colby threatened, and even though his voice was playful, there was a seriousness in his face.

”Colby...”

”Brennen, please,” Colby said, and there was an almost desperate twinge to his voice, “Can we please just have a... a fucking normal night out?” And there was something fierce in his blue eyes, and Brennen knew better, he really did, but fuck... he really wanted to make Colby happy. And this... this would.

So when Brett brought back their drinks, Brennen did a quick cheers with Colby and threw his drink back. It was strong, _fuck_ was it strong, burning down his throat and almost immediately settling like helium in his limbs. But when he let Colby feel the empty cup, confirming he had downed the whole thing, the smile in his friend’s face made everything worth it.

”Hell yeah, Brother,” Colby grinned.

”Shall we go socialize?” Brennen asked him, and Colby nodded, happiness across his face.

Fuck... Colby was so damn beautiful when he was happy.

And for a while, it really was like old times. There was more drinking, laughing, bad jokes, general rough housing and chaos. There were a couple of changes, but Brennen didn't consider them bad ones. Colby leaned on him a little bit more, soft fingers looking for his bracelets to confirm that Brennen was indeed still with him, that he could relax and just enjoy the party, that Brennen would keep him from any dangerous situations. Not with the way his feelings sang at every bit of contact from Colby. Colby mostly kept a hand on Brennen at all times, and Brennen held onto Colby when he needed both hands for something.

It was... nice. Really nice. And despite the fact that they weren’t dating yet... Brennen could see how this would be how it would be for them.

Except that he would be able to kiss Colby whenever he said or did something that just begged for Brennen to kiss him.

Yeah... he was looking forward to that.

It was comfortable, really, something Brennen didn’t think he would be able to be with blind Colby in this scenario. But he was. And even when Colby needed to go to the bathroom, after a chorus about Colby “Breaking the seal”, Brennen let him go alone with Brett, not wanting to suffocate him. Colby could fucking piss on his own.

And that was fine. Brennen took a couple of shots at beer pong, waiting for Colby to return. But that was when Brennen heard the yelling.

”Police! Yo! Get the fuck out!”

And everyone around him started moving. ”Oh fuck...” Brennen hissed to himself, moving quickly to find a wall so he could regroup. Because he needed to find Colby, and fucking find him _now_. 

Fuck, of course this would be the party that got the cops called on it... There were repetitive yells of “Police!” “Get the fuck out!” And anyone that Brennen might have asked about where the fucking bathroom was had gone, and Brennen was left desperately wracking his brain because he had been here before, he had been in this house on his own before, he didn’t fucking need someone to show him where to go...

He had maybe been blackout but there should be some sort of muscle memory.

God, he just hoped that Colby had the common sense to stay put so Brennen could fucking find him.

Luckily, the room Brennen had been in cleared out pretty quickly as people moved out the back, and Brennen caught a glance of a bright light around the corner. Just fucking hoping that was the bathroom light, Brennen moved towards it, weaving through the people left moving past him, just fucking praying that Colby was there.

”Fuck, please, please, please...” Brennen muttered, making it to the open door.

But there was no one inside.

”Fuck, fuck fuck!” Brennen snarled, looking around at the almost empty room.

Fuck. Maybe he was outside. Maybe he’d just followed someone outside and he was already there and now Brennen needed to get out. And he swore he caught a glimpse of a police uniform when he ducked out the sliding class door into the backyard.

”Fuck, Colby, Colby, Colby...” Brennen muttered, his eyes moving around the yard quickly, looking for Colby’s purple hair and bomber jackets, “Colby!” He yelled finally, “Colby!”

”Brennen!” And when he heard Colby’s voice return his call his heart just about crashed out of his chest in relief.

”Brennen!” He heard another voice. Brett’s.

”Fuck... Dude! Where are you?” Brennen called to both of them.

”I’m here, Brennen, I’m...” And then Brennen finally located the source of his voice. He was leaning against the fence in the backyard, hands against the fence, staring in Brennen’s direction. Brett stood next to him, waving at Brennen as soon as he saw him too.

”Yo!”

”Holy shit, Colby, dude, Colby...” And Colby had already pushed off the wall so they met a few feet from the fence when Brennen reached him so Brennen could throw his arms solidly around Colby. Colby gripped him back just as hard. “Fuck, fuck, that scared the fucking _shit_ out of me...”

”Brennen, bro...” Colby was shaking, “Bro... I couldn’t... I couldn’t...” But he didn’t say anything else.

"Colby, fuck..."

”Guys, we gotta go,” Brett reminded them quietly, “Come on, out the back.”

Brennen nodded, barely willing to relinquish his grip on Colby but placating himself by wrapping one of Colby’s arms up in his so he could pull his friend with him. Fuck... he never wanted to ever feel like that again, having to worry about his fucking blind friend in a situation like this...

The guy he was apparently falling in love with...

The ride back in the Uber was almost silent. Brennen refused to let go of Colby, and Colby didn’t seem to mind, just letting Brennen hold him against his side. The Uber driver didn’t even make any comments about them, the middle aged lady just asking, “You boys have a good night?”

She didn’t seem to care that Brennen didn’t respond.

It was when Brennen walked Colby back up to his apartment that they finally got a few moments of alone time without any sort of chaos. Brennen didn’t let go of Colby, closing the apartment door behind them and just pulling his friend into his arms again.

That was when Colby finally spoke. “Fuck, Brennen... I’m so sorry...” He whispered, and his voice was thick with something and fucking... Brennen just wanted to kiss Colby.

But he didn’t. Colby didn’t need that right now.

”You don’t need to apologize for anything...” Brennen said softly but firmly.

”I scared you...”

”The cops busting in on the party the second we were separated scared me,” Brennen corrected, “The idea of losing _you_ scared me...”. And he hugged Colby tighter.

Colby shuddered against him, tucking his face into Brennen’s shoulder. There was something going on in his mind that he didn’t want to tell Brennen. “Dude... what’re you thinking?”

”I just..." He shuddered, "I couldn't fucking see. I just knew that people were yelling and panicking and someone just grabbed me and started pulling me and just... fuck..." 

"Dude..." Brenne murmured, stroking his hands into Colby's hair, not even giving a fuck about being platonic. Colby needed him. "I'm so fucking sorry..."

"No, I'm sorry," Colby interjected quickly, "I scared you, and if I weren’t blind...”

”I might have found you _slightly_ faster,” Brennen cut him off, anticipating Colby’s worry. “That would have sucked if you were blind or not, dude. Just shit timing.”

Colby groaned, shuddering in his arms again. “I just... It just fucking _sucks,_ Brennen. I just..." He shook his head against Brennen's shoulder, not finishing his sentence for a few breaths before he whispered, "I just want to _see_...” And his voice broke, and Brennen knew his heart would never stop breaking for Colby.

Because there was nothing he could do to fix this.

”I know, dude, I know. I’m sorry...” He murmured, stroking Colby’s back. "It'll be okay..."

Because they both knew Colby would never see again.

”I just want to see...“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck, poor Colby...
> 
> I must have rewritten this chapter at least three times because I hit a bit of a block with what I knew I wanted to convey but the inability to convey it correctly. Because I wanted to delve into the mental health aspect of things but like... I wanted to do it justice.
> 
> So this and the next chapter are kinda heavy...
> 
> Let me know what you guys think. This chapter was a bit of a doozy.
> 
> Next update Monday. I already have the next chapter mostly written.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading, let me know what you think, and I’ll see you all in the next one!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated Tags. Please read and consider before continuing.

The rest of the night was heavy, but Brennen wasn’t sure what he had expected. Colby didn’t cry, but the emotional weight of the emotions he was feeling were heavy on Brennen’s shoulders. Because if Brett hadn't been there, if Brett hadn't known that Colby would need help to get out of the house... Colby could have very well ended up in a bad situation with the cops. And that was the last place that Brennen wanted to leave his friend, especially after his experiences with them previously.

He tried to be optimistic, positive, to take Colby's mind off of what had occurred. He suggested that they put the podcast back on. But Colby shook his head.

He was tired. He wanted to go to bed.

_"You're sure you're okay alone tonight?" Brennen asked quietly. "I can stay. It's not a problem."_

_But Colby shook his head, "I kinda want some alone time, okay, dude?"_

_And Brennen sighed, pushing a hand through his hair. "Okay, bro. Just call me if you need me, okay?"_

_Colby was staring into space, but he nodded absently. "Okay."_

And it was with mixed feelings that Brennen went home that night.

”We’ll see him tomorrow and make sure he’d okay,” Brennen told Kobe, curled up in his lap. “We’ll text him tomorrow and see him then.”

Until he texted Colby and Colby didn't want to see him that Sunday. Which was fine really, he didn’t have to. And it hurt a little bit, but Brennen went out with his brother and some friends and had fun.

And then Colby didn’t respond hardly at all to text messages that day.

Or Monday.

Or Tuesday.

And it was Wednesday when Brennen texted Colby, _Dude, what’s going on? Something feels weird and I just wanted to check in on you._

Colby’s response was brief but it still hit Brennen hard.

_You wanted to take time to figure ourselves out before we started dating. I’m just taking my time, Brennen._

Brennen groaned out loud when he got that text. Fuck... okay. Ow. He was giving Colby time. Time to adjust. He didn’t need to be hovering like he was. It was fine.

But just to be safe Brennen texted Sam, asking him what was going on with Colby. Unfortunately, Sam wasn't much help. Sam was vague, said that Colby was just dealing with his mental health and that it had taken a bit of a downward spiral but that he would reach out to Brennen when he was ready.

There was something in Sam’s word choice that told him it was worse than that, but Brennen let it go.

Sam was Colby’s best friend, his brother.

Brennen was... Sam would let him know if Colby needed him.

Right?

It was okay. Everything was okay. That’s what Brennen kept telling himself as the days turned into a stress filled week, and then it had been a week since Brennen saw Colby - _it had been three weeks since Colby had seen him-_ and Brennen was getting worried. Colby had posted another video on Friday, and Brennen could see how hard he was trying to be okay on camera, trying to pretend that he was adjusting. But Brennen could see it in his face.

Colby was not okay. He was _so_ not okay.

And Brennen was trying, he was trying so fucking hard not to be over protective or obsessive because Colby was his friend and they had gone weeks without seeing each other before but it hadn’t felt as charged as this, as much. The few messages that Colby did respond to came back with “I’m fine, I’m fine, don’t worry about me.”

But Brennen was very worried. Because fuck feelings or not he had a sickening feeling that something was wrong.

And then it had been almost two weeks since Brennen had seen Colby.

 _Dude... what’s going on?_ Brennen texted Sam that Thursday night, in the fourth week since Colby had lost his sight, because he couldn’t just let it go any longer. Because Colby had posted on social media that his mental health wasn't going to allow for a video that week again.

And that was the final straw.

There was no response for a long time, and it felt like the longest time Brennen had ever waited for a text message.

Finally, Sam responded. _Bro,_ Came Sam’s response, _I don’t fucking know what to do._

Brennen’s heart sank into his stomach like a rock. Because that was not the “It’ll be okay” texts he had been getting steadily for almost two weeks. _What’s been going on?_ Sam had been with Colby these past few days. At least, he hoped he had. The idea of Colby being alone... made him sick in a way that he didn’t want to think about.

There was another long pause before Sam’s next text. Or maybe there wasn’t. Brennen’s sense of time was slightly skewed by anxiety. _He_... _he’s not okay..._ Sam said. _I just don’t even know what to do anymore._

 _Sam, what the fuck is going on with him?_ Brennen demanded, because he wasn’t even hearing from Colby anymore. Hadn’t in a few days, and he’d been mostly silent across his media platforms except for a few tweets that were really starting to scare Brennen.

There was no response for a moment, and fuck, Sam needed to stop with these long pauses or Brennen was actually going to have a heart attack. He very nearly did when his phone buzzed with a phone call in his lap.

It was Sam, and Brennen picked up instantly. “Sam, what the fuck...”

But Sam was already talking, “I’m sorry, he didn’t want me to fucking tell you but he’s gotten so bad that I need to,” Sam explained quickly, and Brennen's heart dropped, terrified of what was about to come out of Sam's mouth. “He’s... like he’s really depressed, dude.”

 _Fuck..._ ”Really depressed like...” Brennen probed anxiously, not sure how bad they were talking.

”Like... I worry every day if I’m going to hear from him or if I’m going to go over and... fuck...” Sam sounded exhausted, like the weight of the world was on his shoulders and had been for far too long.

And a cold little tombstone of dread dropped into Brennen’s gut. He was packing up to drive over to Colby’s before he even really knew what he was doing. “Go over and what, Sam?” Brennen asked unevenly.

Sam was silent for a long moment. “Sam?”

Sam sighed heavily. “I’m starting to worry that... like... fuck, dude. Like... I’m gonna come over and just find a body.” And there was a bone tired exhaustion in Sam’s voice, like he hadn’t slept in days. 

Maybe he hadn’t.

But Brennen's gut still turned over and twisted up at Sam's words.

"Like, I don't think he really means it but he's said some shit that like..." Sam continued, "I don't... like I don't want to leave him alone anymore."

And Brennen didn’t know how he got there but he was in his car, already driving over towards Colby’s. His crisis mode was one efficient motherfucker. “Sam... why the fuck didn’t you tell me?” Brennen demanded, and he knew Sam heard the car acceleration, the tightness in Brennen’s voice.

He heard Sam’s sigh. “He didn’t want you to know because he didn’t want to worry you,” He said, and Brennen heard the frustration in Sam's voice.

”And you listened to him?” Brennen asked.

He could almost hear Sam’s shrug. “He’s my best friend, dude,” And Sam’s voice was defeated, “He didn’t want to tell you and he made me promise not to.”

”Why?” Brennen asked, and he was terrified of the answer, not knowing what he was expecting but terrified that it had something to do with their feelings being a little bit more than platonic.

”Because... he didn’t want to bother you...” Sam said, and Brennen could hear that he didn’t agree with Colby’s choice in his words, “Because... I think he wanted to figure himself out before you two started dating because..." And Brennen could hear the sadness in Sam's voice, "He's afraid he'll be a burden on you."

And Brennen instantly felt guilt and anger and frustration boil up in his gut. "And he didn't want to tell me because... what? I just..." He groaned. "I just don't want... I don't want our relationship to be built on trauma, you know?"

"I know..." Sam said quietly, "I think... I think he's pushing you away 'cause like... I think he's afraid you'll decide you don't want him because he's blind." Sam didn't say anything more for a moment so Brennen started talking again, not knowing why he was trying to prove himself but maybe trying to justify his thoughts to Sam.

Trying to justify his feelings for Colby to the guy's brother.

"I just..." And he felt his voice choke up just a little bit. "I care about him way too much for that. Like..." And it was a scary thing to admit to Sam, admit to Colby's brother and best friend, "Like... I think I'm falling in love with him." Sam was quiet on the other end, so Brennen kept talking, "So like... I don't..." He swallowed, feeling like a fucking idiot. "Like... I still love him, blind or not, you know? This changes nothing."

He heard Sam sigh. "I uh... I know where you're coming from..." Sam said quietly. "And I think... I think you're making the right call, he's just..." Brennen heard a frustrated exhale of breath from the other end. "Cause like... he's not just pushing _you_ away. Like... I dunno, dude, like I’ve been having a hard enough time getting him to accept help from _me_. And I’m... we’re... like I've known him for eight years and... It’s like he thinks that this _changes_ anything, like I wouldn’t do _anything_ for him...” That was hurt in Sam’s voice.

Brennen cringed, “I know you would, dude. He’s...” He repeated the words that had been looping in his head for the last week and a half, “He’s just gone blind and he's... he’s not thinking clearly.”

”I know...” Sam said heavily. “Fuck, I know..." There was quiet on the line for a few moments before Sam asked, "You uh... you going over there?”

”Yeah,” Brennen confirmed, not seeing any reason to lie to Sam.

”Okay...” Sam said, and there was another pause before he said, “Just uh... let me know he’s okay, okay? I’m sorry I couldn’t...”

And now Brennen's heart was hurting, because he knew that if he walked into Colby's apartment and found a body, Sam would never forgive himself.

Brennen wasn't sure he would either. 

”He will be okay,” Brennen promised. “He will. You... none of this is your fault Sam. Whatever... whatever happens." He didn't need to say it.

_Except the part where you didn’t tell me my friend is fucking suicidal..._

But then Sam and Colby had eight years of friendship and trust to go off of. And Brennen... Brennen was complicated at best. "But like... He’s... we’re in this together, okay? I need you to tell me what's going on with him, because he really sucks at taking care of himself sometimes," He finished.

”Sure...” Sam said quietly. And Brennen didn’t know what else to say, so he left it there. He was almost to Colby’s anyway.

And Brennen felt an odd sense of Deja vu, parking downstairs at Colby’s apartment and rushing up the elevator. He quickly unlocked the door to Colby’s apartment, immediately scanning the room for the presence of his friend. “Colby?”

He didn’t see Colby, and no voice emerged, but Brennen heard the shower going. He didn’t really think about the fact that Colby might actually just be showering, because the only image that Brennen could see in his mind was Colby’s lifeless body floating face down in the water.

And it was with that in mind that Brennen tore into Colby’s bathroom.

The whole room was chokingly damp with steam, and Brennen almost immediately started sweating at the humid heat of the room. The movement from the shower stopped. “Hello?” He heard Colby ask quickly, nervously, pulling the shower curtain around himself and poking his head out as if he might be able to see the intruder.

 _He would never see anything again_...

”Colby, it’s me,” Brennen said quickly, watching as the tension of fear faded from Colby’s shoulders, replaced instead with resignation and some sort of annoyance.

”What the fuck are you doing here?” Colby asked, his voice just barely audible.

Brennen tried to keep it light. That had always worked in the past. “Saving you from death by humidity apparently,” Brennen said, forcing a smile onto his face. “Dude, how hot is that fucking water?”

“Uh... pretty hot...” Colby seemed reluctant to admit it. And that just sat wrong with Brennen.

”Alright, well, if you’re clean, you should probably get dressed and out of there. You’re going to steam up the whole place,” Brennen said, wanting to step closer to Colby but also hesitant to, feeling like he was approaching a terrified animal that might lash out at any time at any unexpected move.

At Brennen or himself, he wasn’t sure.

Colby blinked a few times, looking down at the ground. “Yeah, yeah... sure...” And he started climbing out of the shower. Brennen started to politely avert his eyes, because Colby hadn't given him permission to look yet, but then he took a look at Colby's back.

And how fucking _red_ it was. It looked almost burnt.

And suddenly Brennen understood why the bathroom was so steamy. It was because Colby had turned the water up as hot as it would go. Probably in some sort of self destructive coping mechanism.

_Fuck, Colby..._

"Brennen?" That was Colby's voice, breaking through the pain that was eating at his stomach, into his insides, at the fact that Colby was at this point, almost burning himself with the shower... but at least he saw no cuts, no burns... so that was good, right?

But he wasn't going to let Colby know he'd realized what Colby's plan had been. ”Have you eaten yet?” Brennen asked, going full big brother on him instead.

Colby seemed to think for a moment. “Uh... no, I don’t think so...” The unsureness in his voice worried Brennen a lot.

”When was the last time you ate, Colby?” Brennen asked, already dreading the answer.

”Uh...” Colby seemed to really have to think about it, toweling off on autopilot. "Maybe like... I think I had some lunch meat Tuesday afternoon...” Colby said, wrapping the towel around himself.

Brennen signed, running a hand through his hair, “Well, it’s Thursday evening now, so... you should probably eat something else, huh?”

Colby shrugged absently, “I guess.”

And Brennen didn’t like how uncommitted he seemed to the idea. “Okay, well I’m gonna order food. Taco Bell okay?” Colby nodded. “Okay, cool. You okay with your usual?” Colby nodded again. “Okay, cool. You get dressed and then meet me out in the main room, okay?” Colby shrugged noncommittally, turning away. “Colby?” Brennen wanted a concrete yes.

”Yeah, okay,” Colby said quietly. But at least he was talking.

”Okay... cool,” Brennen nodded. “Cool. I’ll see you out there.” And he left Colby in the bathroom.

As soon as he was out in the main room, he sighed heavily, scrubbing his face with his hands. “Okay, okay... order food, one thing at a time, everything will be fine.”

Colby was quiet, but that was nothing new. He hadn't been talking very much since he had gone blind. But there was something malignant, something darker about the way he carried himself, the mindlessness with which he spoke to Brennen. And Brennen knew there was a word for it. A perfect word, because this felt so very familiar in a sick, personal sort of way...

They were halfway through the food when the word came to Brennen. A word that his therapist had used when Brennen finally got into therapy in high school, when his mind finally started processing the trauma that had been his childhood.

Dissociated. Colby was dissociated.

It was a feeling that Brennen was all too familiar with. When everything else in the world kinda sucked down into a black hole in his gut that left no room for emotions. But there was no room for whatever negative emotions had caused the feeling either. Brennen had spent too much time in his youth dissociated. Probably why he tried so hard to live in the moment now.

The fact that Colby was there... didn't surprise Brennen, but it still hurt him. “How you doing, dude?” Brennen asked quietly after Colby had gotten down most of his tacos.

Colby shrugged, “I’m okay, I guess.”

Brennen’s silence must have given away his incredulity, because Colby sighed, moving his hair out of his eyes. “You and Sam, both, I swear. I’m fine.”

”Okay, dude,” Brennen said quietly, not really okay with that, but not going to push. Because pushing wouldn’t result in anything productive. He knew that from personal experience. “I’m here for you, you know that right?”

”I know...” Colby said, still staring at him with a cocked eyebrow.

Brennen sighed. He wasn't going to push because that wasn't going to get anywhere. Colby would talk when he was ready. “Okay. If you want to talk at all, well... I’m here, okay?”

”Okay...” Colby shrugged, returning to his food, a subtle sort of relief in the air. “Did you want to listen to the podcast?”

Brennen nodded, “Yeah, sure.” And he pulled his phone out to start the recording. But not before he sent Sam a quick _Hey, he's alive. And stable, I think, for now._

 _Thank you,_ Came Sam's response. _I'm sorry I didn't tell you..._

 _I'm just glad you did eventually..._ he sent.

 _And that he hadn’t been dead when I got here_ , he thought to himself quietly.

And so they chilled on the couch, listening to a new podcast by the same narrator, one called "My Property isn't normal." And Brennen even heard a few laughs from Colby. And by the time Brennen felt like it might be time for bed, he felt a little bit more secure about where Colby was mentally.

It was when Brennen was wrapping up his visit for the night, stretching out and getting ready to say his goodbyes, that Colby finally asked the question. “You really don’t mind hanging out with me? Even though I’m blind?”

And he didn't make a big deal out of it. Brennen just made a soft negative sound, leaning over on the couch and pulling Colby into a hug. Colby stiffened for a moment, probably a little surprised at the contact, but then he hugged Brennen back. And Brennen just fucking soaked in the feeling of his friend pressed against him.

_He could have been dead. He could have never gotten to hold Colby in his arms again._

”I will stick with you if you’re blind, sighted, or purple,” Brennen said firmly, hearing a quiet noise of amusement from Colby. “You’re my best friend, dude. And like...” He squeezed Colby. “That doesn’t change, okay?”

”Even if we don’t date?” Colby asked quietly.

 _Fuck, of course he would ask that..._ “Even if we’re only ever friends,” Brennen answered instantly, because it was true. No matter what, he was going to stick with Colby. “No pressure on you for either. I promise. I’d love to kiss you and date you and all that shit. Trust me, I would but...” And he quickly backtracked, not wanting to guilt Colby into anything. “No pressure if you don’t want to.”

And Colby paused a moment, his eyes moving rapidly. He took and released a deep breath, hands fidgeting against Brennen's back, before he pulled back from the hug, looked up at Brennen, and asked, “Can I kiss you now?”

And Brennen froze, because he had not been expecting that. “Uh...” His body screamed _yes please_ at him while his mind tried to remind himself that Colby was hurting, Colby was vulnerable, Colby was...

Colby was asking him to kiss him.

And Colby was staring into his eyes like he could actually see him, and Colby wanted him. “Please?” Colby asked again.

 _Fuck, fuck,_ _fuck_... ”Why?” Brennen asked, proud of himself for not just kissing Colby right there, but he wasn’t able to stop himself from reaching out and touching Colby’s face, tracing lightly over his jawline and chin. Colby leaned into the contact, eyes closing and opening in a slow blink.

 _He wanted to, he wanted to so_ bad...

Through his fingers on Colby's face, he felt Colby grit his teeth together. “Because... this... I want this, I need this... want you and Brennen... Fuck, Brennen, please...”

And it was the first time in a long time, the first time since Colby had woken up blind, that Brennen could give him the thing he was asking for, practically begging him for. But he tried, he tried so hard to stay in his rational mind for this. Because Colby was dissociated.

Because Colby shouldn’t be trying to replace the emptiness Brennen knew he was feeling with Brennen. Brennen had fucked his way through too many people before he figured that out.

So when Brennen leaned in, he pressed his lips to Colby’s forehead instead. He felt Colby shudder against him, felt the sob that was ready to burst from his lips, heave from his chest at the rejection, and Brennen felt awful, absolutely awful.

”Colby... bro...” But Colby had already broken away from him, standing up from the couch and stumbling back with hurt all across his face.

”I can’t... I can’t...” Colby panted, and it was like Brennen was watching the wall of dissociation crumble in front of him, letting the emotions leak out through the cracks. “Why?" His hands were shaking. "I thought you wanted me?”

”I do, Colby, dude, I swear I do,” Brennen tried to start but Colby cut him off again.

”Then why won’t you kiss me?” Colby asked, and that was a bigger chunk of wall, a larger spout of water.

Brennen could almost feel it hit him in the face.

”Because I..." And he was going to try to explain this to Colby, "Because I care too much about you."

"What the fuck does that even mean?" Colby demanded.

Brennen took a steadying breath, trying not to react to the tension he could feel permeating the air from Colby, "Because I want you, but I want this to last," He tried, moving slowly towards Colby, "I don’t just want to be the guy you fuck to fill the fucking hole in your chest.”

Colby shook his head angrily. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

And Brennen answered, still with a calm voice, "That coldness you're feeling? Sitting at the center of your chest? Feels like a black hole in your gut?" Colby rubbed at the skin of his abdomen absently, his eyes moving as he processed Brennen's words. "Did I get that right?" Brennen asked quietly, trying to deescalate the situation. "That's what it feels like, right? You can't feel any pain, nothing bad but... you don't feel anything happy either, right?"

"How the fuck do you..." 

“Because I’ve been there, dude,” Brennen explained, still moving after Colby, even as Colby took another step back from him. "When my dad was still in the picture, whenever I saw what he would do to my mom, when his girlfriend would hit me and Jake, because the only way I could keep my fucking sanity was to not feel at all..." He watched Colby's eyes, "Because feeling what I was feeling would have destroyed me..."

And Brennen watched sympathy war with aggression and anger on Colby's face. Because he'd told Colby a lot of the details of what his childhood consisted of, a lot of shit that he'd never told anyone else. That only Jake had been there for. 

The two emotions came to a compromise. “Brennen, I know you’ve been through some shit, but... you haven’t been blind,” Colby said tightly, but at least his volume was controlled, “You haven’t looked into your future and realized that you’re never going to fucking see again. That everything you were just fucking _isn’t_ anymore. That... that you’re always going to be a fucking burden on everyone in your life for the rest of your life...”

And that would not stand. “You are not a fucking burden,” Brennen snapped, louder than he meant to, stepping forward after him. Colby flinched at his tone, and Brennen schooled himself, taking a quick, calming breath. “You just need some more help right now while you adjust,” He continued in a much calmer voice, “You’re already... dude, we were hanging out earlier and I almost fucking forgot you couldn’t see.”

But that might have been the wrong thing to say, because Colby’s face twisted up again. ”I didn’t,” Colby said, and his voice was deadly quiet, “I never fucking forget Brennen. It’s always dark, fucking always, except for the fucking lights and that’s all I see, that’s all I’m ever going to see again! I...” He let out a noise of frustration. “Brennen... please, just...” And there it went and Colby started trembling, pressing his hands into his face. “Fuck, just... I can’t, I can’t... please...”

“Colby...” Brennen moved to touch him again and Colby jumped violently.

_And Colby was hurting, and Colby was vulnerable, and Colby..._

_Colby was not okay._

”So like... I’m better off... I’m better off just fucking taking myself out of the picture. So people can stop fucking worrying about me...” Colby said quietly, resignation soaking his words.

”Colby...“ Brennen pulled Colby against his chest, wrapping his arms around his friend. “I would take you blind a million times before I would ever want you dead...” And Colby struggled a little against him, trying to push back, beating against his chest a little bit, but Brennen knew his heart wasn't in it. Colby would have gotten out of his embrace if it was. So he put up a token struggle until finally sagged into Brennen's arms, his whole body trembling.

"Fuck, Brennen, I'm sorry, I just..."

"Colby, I'm going to ask you something, and I'd like you to be honest, okay?" Brennen said quickly, tightening his grip around Colby.

"Okay..." Colby's voice sounded nervous.

Brennen took a deep breath, before he asked, "I don't have to worry about coming over here and finding a body, do I?"

There was silence for a few moments as Colby processed what Brennen had said... and what that meant. Brennen wanted to see Colby’s face... but he also didn’t want to break the hug. Finally he spoke. "I... I mean if I murder someone, you'll be the first to know, okay?" He asked, trying for humor but Brennen sighed and shook his head.

"You know what I meant, dude," Brennen said, and he pulled out his serious voice, the one he rarely used around Colby, "Do I need to worry about finding you dead because you killed yourself?"

The silence that followed his question was painful, awkward, and Colby didn't answer for a long moment. Brennen’s heart thudded in his ears as he waited with baited breath for Colby’s answer. Colby thought for a long, agonizing moment. He twisted his fingers in Brennen's shirt, shifted his body in the hug, considering before he finally answered, "I don't think I'm there yet. Not enough to actually do it."

And Brennen was so grateful that Colby was being honest, even as a part of him died at the answer. "Okay," He said. "Thank you for telling me." He drew back from the hug, taking Colby's hands and placing them on his face, so Colby could feel his expression as he spoke. "I want you to tell me if it ever starts getting that bad, or if you start getting destructive again," He said firmly.

Colby looked pained, "Dude..."

"Colby... please..." Brennen murmured, and his hands were still on Colby's shoulders. "Just... tell me or Sam, please. We love you and want to keep you around for a long time. Just..." He squeezed Colby's shoulders. "Please."

Colby closed his eyes, his face still tight. He took a deep breath, held it, released it. And when he opened his eyes again, they were clearer. "Okay..." He said quietly. "I'll tell you if I get bad."

"Promise?" Brennen asked, not dropping the serious tone of his voice.

And Colby dipped his head. "Promise..." He said, and that word broke over his lips, but it was still there.

Broken, but still there.

Still everything Brennen needed.

"Thank you..." And Brennen drew him back in for a tight hug. "Fuck... It'll be okay, dude, I promise," Brennen murmured, stroking his back. "I'm here, I'm not going to abandon you. I'm here. You just gotta let me in, okay?"

Colby made some sort of broken noise, and Brennen heard a mutated sob of a breath, but Colby gripped him back, and that was a start.

He wouldn’t be okay. Not for a long time.

But it was a start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I thought this fic was going to be lighter after Dead and Gone... whoops?
> 
> Hope all of this comes across as organic. I'm really, really trying to do the mental health aspect of this fic justice, because there's so much wrapped up in what someone like Colby would be feeling in a situation like this, and how Brennen would be able to, on some level, get it.
> 
> Anyway, I really hope I did this justice.
> 
> Hopefully things will get better after this.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading, let me know what you thought, and I'll see you in the next one!


	11. Chapter 11

Two weeks ago:

_”I’m better off just fucking taking myself out of the picture. So people can stop fucking worrying about me...”_

_“Colby, I would take you blind a million times before I would ever want you dead...”_

And last night:

_“You’re sure it’ll be worth it?”_

_”I promise, dude... it’ll get better...”_

Brennen shook himself, pushing last night’s conversation from his head. It was a bright Monday morning, about six weeks after the accident, and Brennen found himself at a coffee shop, nervously starting a video that Colby didn’t know that he was making, but one that would hopefully help him a lot. 

Brennen had his camera on the table, set up on a tripod to capture himself and the other occupants of the table, a girl with bright purple hair, her mom, and the big black guide dog who sat at her feet. “Ready?” Brennen asked the girl.

”Yeah,” She said, smiling at him, and it wasn’t unnerving anymore that her eyes didn’t meet Brennen’s when she looked at him. It was just how things were with Colby now.

”Alright!” And Brennen tagged the record button, “What’s up guys? It’s Brennen Taylor, back atcha with another video and today I’m here with a very special guest, would you like to introduce yourself?”

The girl grinned brighter, looking at the camera, “Hey everybody, my name is Molly Burke! I run a YouTube channel with my guide dog Gallop where I talk about my life as a blind woman living in LA.”

Brennen found out that Sam had reached out to Molly and her team about meeting up and filming together about three weeks ago, when Sam had realized how bad Colby had gotten and had needed advice from people who had been through it before. Unfortunately, due to Molly being in New York for other obligations, this was the earliest that they had been able to make something work scheduling-wise.

”So many of you guys have been commenting for Molly and Colby to collab since the accident,” Brennen jumped in, and Molly nodded her agreement.

“I’ve been getting comments that I needed to meet this guy since he went blind, and I’ve watched so many of his videos and you guys’ videos so I’m really excited to meet him in real life.” And Brennen was a bit thrown by the use of the phrase “watched” because he knew Molly had limited light and shadow perception like Colby did, but he didn’t let it show, just continuing on.

_Because Colby could still be so sensitive about using those words..._

“And scheduling has finally worked out,” He continued, looking at the camera with an excited grin. “So Sam’s bringing Colby here right now, but he doesn’t know what we’re doing, or the surprise we have for later...” He waggled his eyebrows at the camera.

”I am so excited for that,” Molly said, “Like... so excited.”

”But you guys will have to stay tuned to find out what that is,” Brennen pointed at the camera. “So, Molly, why don’t you tell the viewers a little about your story...”

It was easy to talk to Molly, and Brennen was amazed by how much of Colby he saw in her story. Albeit, it was the start of Colby’s story and eleven years down the road in Molly’s, but Brennen was still so glad that they had finally made this work with scheduling. He couldn’t wait for Colby to meet her. He knew Colby had listened to a few of her videos, and he was curious if Colby would be able to place her voice.

Either way, it was sure to be emotional for everyone involved.

Brennen had almost lost track of time when he got a text message from Sam. _We’re here._

His heart leaped into his throat but he didn’t show it on camera. He’d gotten way too good at schooling his emotions for the camera. ”Oh, and Sam just texted me that he and Colby are here,” Brennen explained to Molly and the camera, and he panned the camera to the front door, waiting for Sam and Colby to enter.

”Oh, I’m so excited...” Molly whispered.

There were a couple of moments of dead air he would have to cut as Brennen imagined Sam and Colby got out of the car, but before too long the door to the coffee shop was opening and his friends appeared in the doorway. Sam lead the way, Colby following behind on his arm, white cane drawn up to his side to avoid hitting anyone. Colby looked a little wary, but that was probably due to the fact that neither Sam or Brennen would tell him what was going on today, just to have it free.

_”What the fuck do you have planned, dude?”_

_”Don’t worry about it. It’ll be fun, I promise.”_

”Hey Colby!” Brennen called, directing the camera at his friend.

”Hi Colby,” And that was Molly, and Brennen watched Colby freeze up next to Sam.

”Uh...” He looked at Sam, and the two were close enough that Brennen could hear their conversation. “Why do I know that voice?”

”Because you’ve watched her videos,” Sam answered, pulling Colby forward, leading him to the table they all sat at. Brennen scooted over as Colby sat down, and Sam squished in next to him.

”Hi Colby, my name is Molly Burke,” She introduced herself with a smile, and Brennen watched as some interesting emotions passed over Colby’s face. Anxiety, worry, frustration, but also... something like relief almost passed over him.

”Hi, Molly,” Colby said, carding a hand through his hair, as Brennen watched him realize what was going on, because Brennen had been with him last night, talked him down from another episode of destruction, and knew the only reason he was faking being anywhere near okay right now was because he knew he was on camera. “Uh... holy shit, I didn’t expect this.” He mock glared at Brennen, “How long have you guys had this set up?”

“Sam and your team reached out to me a couple of weeks ago,” Molly explained, her forearms resting on the table. “I’ve been getting so many comments from your fans to reach out to you. It’s nice to finally meet you in person.”

”I... Same...” Colby still seemed a little overwhelmed. Brennen reached a hand over to grip his thigh under the table where the camera wouldn’t see it. Colby gripped his hand back, and Brennen watched just a little bit of anxious tension leave his body. He chuckled awkwardly, “God, sorry I’m so out of it. It’s like... I don’t usually get like...” He pressed a hand into his face. “God...”

The smile on Molly’s face was soft, “You haven’t been around someone else who’s blind yet, have you?”

And Brennen’s heart hurt, because how the fuck could he have not thought about that? ”I... no...” Colby shook his head. “I haven’t... I haven’t really been around much of anyone recently with where my mental health’s been at...” He rested his hands on the table, something heavy in his face. “I didn’t...” He laughed again, but there was something wet in the laugh, “I didn’t think it would affect me this much.”

”It’s nice,” Molly said, and she reached forward to hold Colby’s hands. Colby jumped a little, clearly not having expected the contact. “You know, to be around someone who gets it. Because you know, your friends, your family... they can try to be there and relate, but... they’ll never be blind. They’ll never wake up and have to live this life that we have. They’ll never really _get_ it.” And neither Colby or Molly were really looking at each other, but Brennen could feel the connection between them, the relief of being around someone who _got_ it.

And Brennen wished he had gotten Colby in contact with someone else blind weeks ago, when he’d been so scared that he’d go over to Colby’s and find a body. Because there were still days when he had that same fear, when Brennen had to fucking go over to Sam’s apartment just to decompress after an evening with Colby.

Because Brennen had found Colby in a superheated shower again last night.

Colby just nodded, “Yeah...” He said quietly.

Brennen watched Molly squeeze Colby’s hands, “I’ve been exactly where you’re now, Colby,” She said softly, “I get it.”

Colby nodded again, something tugging at his face. What exactly emotion Brennen wasn’t sure, but it was a lot. “Molly...” He started, swallowing, “Thank you for coming to see me.”

Molly just nodded, “I’m happy to,” She said. “You have a blind community, Colby. You didn’t just lose your sight, you gained a community, okay?”

Colby leaned just a little bit more into Brennen, but he nodded faintly. Brennen thought he could almost see a bit of a smile on his lips. Brennen leaned back, squeezing his leg comfortingly. “Okay, I... okay...” Colby said.

Molly smiled in response, “So... how have you been the last few weeks?”

And despite being just a little overwhelmed at first, the kinship Colby obviously felt with Molly became quickly apparent because for the first time, he could talk about things and... someone else really _got_ them.

“So I’m curious, because I know you can kinda see light and shadows like I can, right?” Molly asked, and there was a much easier expression on her face, a feeling that seemed to be echoed by Colby.

“Yeah,” Colby nodded, “I can see like, light levels and these… really vague shapes of things that are bright and when things aren’t lit up when they’re in front of light,” He shrugged, and Brennen wished for the millionth time that he had a way to see what Colby could still perceive, just so he could understand what his friend was going through just a little bit more.

But he couldn’t. He could only imagine.

“And you have depth perception?” Molly asked, “Like you can tell when things are closer and farther?”

“Yeah,” Colby confirmed.

“Well, that’s nice,” Molly grinned, “I’m usually pretty sure I’m going to die every time I’m in a car and see headlights coming towards me.”

And that startled Colby into a laugh. “Shit, really?” He asked.

“Yeah, but I never had depth perception, even before I lost the rest of my vision,” Molly said, “But anyway, I was going to ask if… uh... so when I look at lights, my brain gets really happy, because I’m giving it visual input and it kinda craves that, you know?” Curiosity lit up her face, “Do you feel that too?

Colby considered for a moment, “Yeah, I think mine does too. I never really thought about it but uh… that makes sense. If I’m expecting the light because really bright or flashy lights still are kinda overwhelming if I’m not expecting it.”

“My eyes are really sensitive to light, too,” Molly agreed, “But my brain still gets really happy when I look at something sparkly or with a nice level of light.” She laughed, “The number of pot lights I have in my apartment…”

“I’ve actually really started to like being out at night,” Colby admitted, “Because darkness isn’t scary anymore, it’s just normal, and I feel like I can see more between the street lights and car lights and the sun’s not drowning everything out.”

“That is one thing we’re good for,” Molly said teasingly, “Blackouts don’t really affect us. Ooh! So this one time, I was at this resort and the power went out…”

They talked for easily an hour. And Brennen turned the camera off a little bit later, because the conversations started getting personal, and Brennen knew that Colby’s wouldn’t want that out there.

At least, not yet.

Because Colby didn’t say it, and Brennen and Sam hadn’t mentioned it, but when Molly started asking about where Colby’s mental health was… it was like she knew.

When asked, Colby’s answer was vague, “I’ve been… it’s been rough,” He admitted quietly.

And an uncharacteristic somberness had taken over Molly too, and she said quietly, “I grew up always knowing that I would go blind, you know? Because of my condition, the RP. I always knew it would happen, and I never had 20/20 vision, but losing that last little bit of usable vision that I had, when I was fourteen…” She shuddered a little bit, and Molly’s mom wrapped an arm around her daughter, “I was like… like a part of me _died_ …” She said quietly, “And I don’t… I don’t know where you are mentally, and I can’t even imagine what it would have been like to have _normal_ vision and all of the sudden be where I am but…”

Colby was dead silent for a moment, and Brennen had to watch him for a moment to make sure that he was still breathing. When he spoke unexpectedly, the tone in his voice broke Brennen’s heart all over again. “It really, really sucks…” He whispered, and Brennen heard the break that he was trying to force back.

“I know…” Molly murmured, and Brennen knew that she did. “I was suicidal for a while, I think I talk about that pretty openly, and the bullying and depression I went through...” Molly was staring straight ahead, not trying to fake eye contact at all, “But like… when I was in that place… I felt like a burden to everyone in my life, and I… it was so hard, for so long, just to get up and live every day. To get up and face my life and the fact that I was…” Her voice was thick on heavy emotions. “But every day now… I’m so glad that I got help, that I didn’t let those feelings win because I _love_ my life. I love everything that I’m able to do and the people I’m able to help and this life I’m able to _live_... “ She leaned into her mom, who was tearing up a little bit too. Not even Sam was immune to the emotions of the moment, watching the conversation with a certain glassiness to his eyes.

“It gets better,” She summarized finally, “And it’s really hard for a long, long time, and it’s okay to feel those emotions, to ask the world “why me?” To be angry and hurt and scared…” She huffed a soft noise, “But then… then you have to get your feet under you again, and get up and face the world, because I’ve seen what you and Sam want to do for people, what you’re already done for people. And you have so much to give, and so much life to live, Colby. And there will always be days when it’s harder than others, when everything seems wrong and unfair again, but…” She smiled then, “But it’s worth it. I promise, Colby, it’s worth it.”

Colby just nodded tightly, and he leaned into Brennen, not even trying to be platonic because the cameras were off. Brennen caught the interested look that Molly’s mother threw both of them, but she didn’t comment,and Brennen was glad for that.

That was one more complicated thing that they didn’t need to address right now.

But Brennen kept watching the time, because there was one more surprise they had in store for Colby.

It was a little bit later, when Brennen had the camera on again, that Molly brought it up. “What time is it?” She asked.

”We still have time,” Brennen answered.

”Time?” Colby asked, “Time until what? This isn’t it?”

”We still have a surprise for you,” Molly said, and there was a grin on her face.

Colby’s eyes went wide, “Guys, I’m not sure I can do any more surprises today,” He laughed a little anxiously.

”You’ll like this one,” Sam said, standing up next to the booth and stretching out, also glancing at his watch.

”I guess we could head out a little early,” Molly’s mom commented, “Probably wouldn’t hurt.”

”Guys, what’s going on?” Colby asked, looking after Sam as he felt him leave the booth.

”It wouldn’t be a surprise if we told you,” Brennen said playfully. Colby looked like he wanted to fight Brennen on it, so Brennen asked seriously, “Do you really want us to tell you?” Because if Colby knowing would help him mentally, then Brennen would give away the surprise.

Colby pressed his lips together, huffing out an amused noise. “No, I guess not,” He shrugged, moving out of the booth after Sam, “I’ll find out later, right?”

”It’ll be so much more fun if you don’t know,” Molly said, sliding out of the booth as the big black dog Brennen had almost forgotten about followed her. “We’ll meet you guys there?”

”Yeah,” Brennen agreed, smiling as Colby reached for his arm, a gesture that had become familiar and comforting. “You wanna drive with me?”

”He’s riding with you,” Sam said, “I’m gonna go ahead and make sure everything’s set and ready to go.”

”You guys having a fucking parade?” Colby asked jokingly, face drawn in disbelief.

Brennen laughed and Molly asked, “Oh! Are we? That would be fun!”

”There’ll be a parade of sorts,” Sam teased, before he clapped Colby on the shoulder, “See you there, bro.”

”See you there,” And Colby didn’t even flinch at the verb usage.

After some quick see-you-laters, Brennen and Colby moved together to Brennen’s car, Brennen leading Colby to the passenger’s side seat before moving back into the driver’s seat. As Brennen pulled out of the parking lot and started down the road, he asked Colby, “How are you doing, dude?”

Colby shrugged, but there was a look of consideration on his face. “It was really nice to talk to someone who gets it,” He said quietly. “Because she’s… she’s been here, where I am right now.” He swallowed. “Where I was last night,” And Brennen reached over and squeezed Colby’s hand, wincing in remembered pain.

_“It would just be easier for everyone, Brennen. I don’t... I don’t want to be like this anymore.”_

_”It’ll get better, Colby, I promise. Fuck, we’d all miss you so much. We all want you here.”_

_”What if I don’t want to be here though?”_

Colby was still talking, “She’s been there but... she’s still here, and she’s still making a difference and helping people.” He looked out at the brightly lit windshield. “She’s not just a burden...”

“Yeah,” Brennen murmured, “And you can do it too, Brother.”

Colby shrugged, “I uh... I guess...” And that… that might have almost been the ghost of a smile.

They reached their next destination after about twenty-five minutes of driving, and Brennen watched Colby’s ears almost immediately perk up as the sound of dogs barking and playing met both of their ears. “Brennen, where are we?” Colby asked, climbing out of the car with a soft hand on Brennen’s arm. “Are we at some sort of animal shelter?”

“Sorta,” Brennen said evasively, locking his car and heading towards where he could already see Sam standing at the entrance to the building with a camera and a woman in a collared shirt and jeans. “Sam’s got the camera out, by the way,” He said, warning Colby so that he could have his camera face on. Colby nodded, his head moving around as if he might be able to see the building they were approaching.

Brennen watched Molly’s car pull up, and their friends hop out of the car as Colby and Brennen approached the building. Colby was getting better with his cane, and Brennen didn’t even have to warn him about the approaching curb, just watching him find it and step over it. “Good morning, Mr. Brock,” the woman said, “My name is Wendy, and we’re so excited to have you here with us today!”

“Hi Wendy,” Colby said, a camera time grin on his face, “So uh… where exactly is _here_?”

She smiled back, “We’re at the Los Angeles Southwest Puppy Raisers facility, and we’re associated with Guide Dogs for the Blind.”

Brennen watched Colby’s eyes go wide. “Am I getting a guide dog, is this what this is?” He asked in bewilderment.

Wendy shook her head, “No, our puppies aren’t trained guide dogs yet,” She said, “That’s a much more involved process. At our facility, we have litters of puppies who will be trained to be guide dogs.” She turned to look at Molly and her mother approaching, “Molly Burke, nice to meet you! We’ve heard so much about you.”

“It’s nice to finally meet you guys,” Molly said, smiling widely back. “We’re so excited for today.”

“What’s going on? Why are we here?” Colby still looked hopelessly confused, his hand squeezing and releasing Brennen’s arm anxiously.

“You’ll see,” Sam said cryptically, but he immediately winced as he realized his mistake.

Colby didn’t visibly let it bother him, even if Brennen felt his grip on Brennen’s arm tighten, “Sure,” he said, “Alright, let’s go, I guess?”

“We’ll be right this way,” Wendy gestured, and the little group followed her.

They were lead through a lobby space, and back into rooms that were probably kennels. The sound of dogs got louder, and closer to the source Brennen could tell that the barks and yips that he was hearing had to be coming from puppies.

He was so fucking excited.

Even if Kobe was going to look at him sideways when he came home.

“Okay,” Wendy started once they were all gathered in a room with concrete floors and a drain in the middle. “So we’re going to have you all sit in a circle, okay?” They all nodded, and Brennen sat down, pulling Colby down next to him, Sam standing back to get a better angle with the camera.

“Ready?” She asked, and got nods from all of them.

“Brennen, what the fuck…” Colby asked quietly, but Brennen reached for his hand, giving it a comforting squeeze. 

“It’ll be okay, dude,” He promised.

And then the door opened, and there were immediately little paw falls and nails skittering on the concrete as a pile of little labrador puppies spilled through the open door, excitedly exploring their new space.

“Oh my God, are those puppies?” Colby asked, and Brennen watched his face light up at the idea.

“Yes, they are,” Wendy confirmed, and Molly and her mom were already cooing as the little dogs made their way over to the group, sniffing as they went. Colby let out a startled laugh as a little golden puppy wandered up to him, climbing into his lap in an attempt to get up to his face.

“Hey there, buddy,” Colby said, reaching for the puppies ears to scratch at them, laughing as the puppy licked at his face. “Oh my god, you’re so soft…” Brennen couldn’t help the grin that spread across his own face as a little chocolate puppy wandered up to him, sniffing more hesitantly at his hands, probably smelling Kobe. Gallop, Molly’s guide dog, didn’t seem to know what to do with all of the little dogs, watching them all with an inquisitive and frankly unimpressed look as two or three stumbled over him, yipping and snuffling.

“Oh my god, you’re so fucking cute… I can’t even see you and I know you’re fucking adorable,” Colby whispered to the little golden lab, following it with his fingers for just a little bit longer as it seemed to get distracted by it’s littermates, wandering off. Luckily, a little black puppy wandered over to him next, and it tried to wedge itself into his lap, much to Colby’s delight.

“We like to socialize our puppies, so that they get used to being around a lot of different people,” Wendy explained as the puppies played, “As you know Molly, guide dogs are constantly exposed to new people and they need to not be afraid of that.”

“Gallop still gets nervous around new people,” Molly was petting a little golden puppy as Gallop eyed her with judgement. “But he can still do his job. It’s more when he’s out of harness that I see it.” She reached over to wrap her arms around Gallop’s neck, “He’s so good and brave in public…” And Brennen could have sworn that Gallop shot a cocky look at the puppy.

Brennen stifled the snort.

“Would you be interested in a guide dog, Colby?” Molly’s mom asked, more watching everyone else interact with the puppies than doing it herself.

“Uh…” Colby was still petting the little black puppy who looked like it almost might be taking a nap in his lap, “Maybe? I think? I like dogs, but I guess I don’t really know enough about it?”

“There’s pros and cons to both, using a guide dog or a cane,” Molly input, “But I love working with Gallop, and I loved working with Gypsy before him. I definitely prefer using guide dogs.”

“I’ll have to do some more research,” Colby said, but his face was thoughtful. And then he grinned because the puppy in his lap had let out an indignant yip that its pets had stopped. “Alright, I know...” Colby murmured indulgently to the little fluff ball, pulling out his phone to film an instagram story.

After another half an hour of playing, and Molly and Sam pimping out the Los Angeles Southwest Puppy Raisers on camera, it was time for the puppies to have a nap. Colby definitely looked reluctant to surrender the little puppy slumbering in his lap, but he did, and Brennen could see a lightness in his shoulders that hadn’t been there before. Brennen was relieved to see it. It had been too long.

They said their farewells standing outside the building. Brennen thanked Molly and her mother for coming out and filming with them, exchanging easy hugs and promises to stay in touch. Colby and Molly talked quietly together for a little bit, and Brennen didn’t try to interrupt their conversation. He wanted Colby to take as much time as he needed with this person who truly understood what he was going through.

After several minutes and a long hug, they separated, and Brennen heard Colby call for him. He went to his friend’s side, letting Colby wrap a hand up in his forearm again. “How are you doing, dude?” He asked Colby quietly.

“I uh… I’m ready to go home, I think,” Colby said faintly, and Brennen’s heart sank, momentarily worried that they had done more harm than good with this outing. After a quick “see you back at the apartment” with Sam, Brennen and Colby got back in Brennen’s car to begin the drive back.

Colby was quiet for the first few minutes of the drive, and Brennen watched his eyes move, figuring he was probably working through his thoughts in his head. But they didn’t seem bad, and that gave Brennen hope. Finally, Colby murmured, “Thank you for helping to set this up.”

Brennen felt a grin tug at his lips. “Of course, dude. It was… I mean, playing with the puppies was fucking awesome and...” He pressed his lips together before he spoke again, “Sam and I thought it might really help you to talk to someone who had been there before because like… Sam and I can be here for you all we want but we don’t get it like she does, you know?”

“Yeah…” Colby nodded. “You don’t. But I don’t…” He paused, before saying, “I still appreciate it, you know?”

“I know…” Brennen said.

“It was just… she’s literally been where I am, and…” He exhaled shakily, “She got through it. She’s still making content and helping people. Even though she’s blind. And she... she’s happy.” That was the part where his voice cracked. “I just... I can’t imagine being happy, like... really happy... ever again.”

 _Fuck..._ “It’s been six weeks, Colby,” Brennen reminded him quietly. “It’s only been six weeks, and you... you’re doing so much, like so much shit that you probably didn’t think you could ever do blind and...” He cut himself off. “Fuck, I just... it‘ll get better, Colby. Only way out is up from here, right?”

Colby didn’t respond for a moment, and when Brennen looked over, his gaze was trained down into his lap. “Yeah…” He said finally, faintly. Brennen squeezed his hand again, reminding Colby that he was there for him, grounding him in his sightless world. “You’re sure it’ll get better?” Colby asked quietly.

Brennen nodded definitively, knowing Colby couldn’t see it, confirming verbally, “I really am,” He said firmly. “I know you’ll get through this. Other people have done it. You can too.”

Colby nodded again. “She did it...” He murmured to himself, and though Brennen could tell it would still take Colby a while to get to the point where he was really okay with it… he thought Colby might be finally starting on the right path.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y’all enjoy my portrayal of Molly. I had a hard time getting a read on her personality to write it accurately so... I hope it’s more effective. I wanted this in here for pacing, as opposed to putting in in Blind Spots.
> 
> Still gonna have a chapter 13 coming, as well as some fun extras. I’m excited for you guys to read it.


	12. Chapter 12

It took a while but... things got a little bit better after that.

At least, they started to.

It wasn’t all at once, and over the next three months there were still several moments when Brennen hadn’t been quite sure what he would find when he went over to Colby’s. But Colby kept his promise, and he would always tell Sam and Brennen before things got too bad. He wasn’t always as obvious about it, but Brennen knew that when he got a text message reading, _You should come over,_ what Colby was really saying. And Brennen and Sam would always collaborate on who could go over to be there for him.

Colby didn't miss another upload, but there were days when Brennen could tell that he was faking it harder than others, days when it would take every bit of social energy his friend had just to get a video up that looked okay for the fans. He never lied to them, was honest that he was still struggling with coming to terms with this massive change, but he tried to focus on the positives for the video.

And so Brennen and Sam would see the negatives off camera.

Brennen didn’t know what Sam would do for him when he went over, but he knew the patterns for when Brennen would. There were times when Colby would sob in his arms, apologizing for being a burden and a wreck and a terrible friend, but Brennen almost preferred those to the other times. Because the crying was somehow less heart wrenching than the times when Colby would just sit on his couch, Brennen holding his hand more than he was holding it back while his eyes stared into nothing.

And every time he would just ask Brennen quietly, ”Are you sure you want me around?”

”Yes,” Brennen would always answer immediately, firmly. “Always.”

”And you still want me, even though I’m blind?”

”Yes. Always.”

And Brennen would kiss Colby’s hand, because the motion put a faint smile on Colby’s face. And maybe kissing Colby’s hand was just a little bit more than platonic, but it was a nice balance that he and Brennen struck.

Because Brennen had kinda promised to himself that he wouldn’t kiss Colby until he could do so fully knowing that Colby wanted him. Not that he was a coping mechanism.

He loved Colby too much for that.

And Colby... well, it was one night about three months after Brennen had found Colby trying to burn himself in the shower that he found out that Colby loved him too.

They’d been filming a video together and had just finished porting it over to Reggie for editing when Brennen stated that they needed to get out of the apartment and go eat something.

It was partially because Brennen was hungry, partially because Brennen knew it had been at least three days since Colby went outside, and he knew that wasn’t healthy. And Colby seemed tired, not in a mood to fight Brennen on this, so Brennen was able to get him into his car and to a drive thru. They talked idly, and Colby seemed to be starting to talk again, so that was good, and they were sitting just casually in a Walmart parking lot when Colby asked, “So... when did you figure it out?”

Brennen tossed him a raised eyebrow. “The secret to dashing good looks and a winning personality?”

Colby rolled his eyes, “Brennen...”

”The meaning of life, the universe, and everything?” Brennen teased.

”Shut the fuck up,” Colby grinned and smacked him with his free hand.

_Colby was smiling again and Brennen loved his smile..._

”Okay, okay,” Brennen laughed, “When did I figure what out?”

”That you were like... not straight?”

Huh. That was a good question. “Uh...” Brennen leaned back in his seat. “Fuck, maybe...” A vivid memory of jacking off to Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow came back to him and he grinned, quelling the initial emotions of the memory, which were draped in shame and _wrong._ “I think... I think it was when I jacked off to Captain Jack from the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, when I was like... twelve? I think?” He shot a teasing side eye at Colby, “Guess I’ve always had a thing for goths.”

A smirk tugged at Colby’s lips. Brennen knew that he knew that Brennen liked him. Even if he’d made it clear that they weren’t starting anything until Colby was more stable. But Brennen hoped they were heading that direction. They were certainly a lot closer than they had been two months ago. “How about you?” Brennen asked, taking a lazy bite of his burrito.

Colby pressed his lips together, thinking. “Uh...” He stared forward, a hesitant look tugging at his face. His cheeks had turned red.

”Was it someone embarrassing?” Brennen asked, “Don’t tell me it was Orlando Bloom from Lord of the Rings.”

Colby actually laughed. ”Not my type,” Colby shrugged, a smile on his lips. He hesitated for just a few more seconds, and then he said, “It was you, actually.”

And Brennen just blinked, because _what_? “What?” He echoed out loud.

Colby blushed harder. “Yeah... you uh... I figured out I was kinda gay because of you.”

And Brennen should have known that, because he remembered Sam saying something about that, about getting Colby in his room in a “drunk gay panic” after Brennen had made out with that guy in Miami but... to actually hear it from Colby’s lips... “Oh...” He said quietly.

”Is that okay?” Colby asked nervously.

And Brennen reached over to touch Colby’s free hand, bringing it to his lips and kissing it gently before letting it lay in his lap, holding it softly. The tension in Colby’s body relaxed slightly, but he still looked towards Brennen in askance. “Yeah, that’s fine,” Brennen murmured, even as a grin twisted his face, “It’s uh... flattering as hell, that I’m hot enough to turn a straight man gay.”

”I hate you,” Colby rolled his eyes and leaned back in his seat.

”Love you too,” Brennen replied reflexively, but his voice came out so much more serious and earnest than he had meant for it to, and suddenly Brennen and Colby were staring at each other as a silence fell between them.

Colby tried to give him an out, “In like, a bro way, right?” He asked, trying to keep a playful smile on his face.

But Brennen knew that this answer was not playful. Not really. Not to Colby, and not to Brennen. So he sucked up his pride, swallowed, and answered quietly, “No, uh... not in a bro sort of way. It’s uh... in like a _I’m_ _falling_ _in love_ _with_ _you_ sort of way.”

Colby blinked a few seconds, taking in his words. The smile that had faltered grew again and he murmured, “Oh... well that’s... that’s good, because uh... the feeling’s mutual. Over here, I mean.”

”Oh...” Brennen said, looking over at Colby, his heart doing fucking flips in his chest.

 _Colby was falling in love with him too_...

Colby chuckled suddenly, ”I uh... I feel we’re doing this out of order, bro, like... doesn’t the ‘I love you’ come after the first kiss or something?” Colby asked jokingly, and he turned his face towards Brennen.

Brennen cracked a short laugh, “Yeah, usually.” He stroked Colby’s hand absently. “But when have we ever done things the normal way?”

And Colby smirked next to him, because well, he wasn’t wrong.

And they didn’t kiss that night.

If Brennen had to say when the first real change happened... it probably aligned with Sam and Colby’s (And Jake and Corey’s) trip to Spain.

”So... Spain, huh?” Brennen asked, and it was just Colby and Brennen now, sitting next to each other on Colby’s couch, about four months after the accident.

”Yeah...” Colby smiled nervously, running a hand through his hair, “We’ve had the tickets for about six months now, since before the accident, and we didn’t cancel them because like... obviously we were hoping I could still go so...” Momentary pain fell over his face, “Honestly... we talked about it with the team a week after everything happened but I uh... I kinda forgot about it until now.” He shrugged. “And now it’s like... two weeks out.”

”Are you like... good? To go to Spain?” Brennen asked, and he knew that Colby knew the layers of the questions that he was asking.

_Is your mental health okay?_

_This will be your first time traveling blind, is that okay?_

_Is it going to be helpful or triggering to try to do this now?_

Brennen watched Colby take in all that he was asking and all that he wasn’t, before he nodded. “Yeah... yeah, I think I am.”

”Well fuck...” Brennen breathed, leaning back in the couch, “That gives me a whole new reason to worry about you.” He tried to keep it light, keep it casual, but some real concern leaked into his voice.

”I’ll be fine, dude,” Colby rolled his eyes, and Brennen knew that. But it didn’t mean that Brennen wasn’t going to stress about his blind friend being an ocean away ( _and the guy he was in love with being blind an ocean away_ ). “Sam will keep me safe. And besides,” He pressed his leg against Brennen’s. “I’m getting pretty good at getting around these days.”

And Colby wasn’t wrong. In the past three months Colby had really gotten a grip on his own navigation and independence. In familiar environments Brennen could almost forget his friend was blind. He had an almost uncanny sense for where things and people were, to the point that Brennen was almost a little unnerved by it. But he was grateful for it too, because the increased mobility and freedom were really doing wonders for Colby’s mental health.

Colby would probably be okay in Spain. And he trusted Sam to help him with anything he needed. It was more of a personal hang up. “I just worry,” He said, shrugging.

And Colby leaned into him, resting his head on Brennen’s shoulder. “I know,” He said quietly. “But I’m okay, dude. Really.”

And Brennen knew he wasn’t just talking about the trip to Spain.

”I know, dude,” Brennen said, wrapping an arm around Colby’s shoulders and pulling him in.

And they didn’t kiss that day either.

Brennen pretty much had a week long anxiety spell while Colby was in Spain. He knew Colby was okay, he got text messages and the occasional phone call while they were over there, and he even checked in with Sam once or twice. Colby was fine, Colby was having fun. Having fun doing the things he and Sam had always planned to do, blind or not.

But his family was bearing the brunt of his anxious ramblings. ”Oh my God, bro, if I have to hear about your new boyfriend one more time, I’m going to kick you out until you start talking about tits again,” Jake complained, throwing a pillow at Brennen.

”Brennen has a boyfriend?” Lisa wandered into the room, and Brennen jumped because he didn’t know that their mom was home. 

Oh fuck. Because he didn’t think it would be a problem, but he’d never really talked to his mom about the whole queer thing and traditionally Hispanic families didn’t do well with that. ”Uh... Mom, I can explain...”

”He and Colby finally got their shit together,” Jake explained quickly, a lazy grin on his face.

”Bro!” Brennen yelled.

”Well it’s about god damn time,” Lisa commented, looking up from her phone. And there was no hostility on her face, just caution, and Brennen learned the caution wasn't even directed at him when she said, “You hurt that boy and I’ll beat you up myself, Brennen.”

”Mom!” Brennen yelped, feeling attacked now, “We’re not even dating yet!”

”Yet,” Jake and Lisa piped simultaneously, both of them bursting into laughter as Brennen glowered.

”Nobody loves me! I have a terrible family!” Brennen complained, but his heart wasn’t really in it. Because he knew that was Jake and Lisa both showing approval for his relationship should he and Colby end up dating.

And that... Brennen needed that.

And it took all of his fucking willpower, but Brennen didn’t immediately start packing to head over to Colby’s when he got the text that they had landed on a Friday morning ( _a_ _lmost five months since the accident_ ). “He probably wants time to get home and get settled,” Brennen reasoned to Kobe, “And he’s going to be jet lagged as hell because it’s like an eight hour time difference and I just need to fucking chill.”

Kobe just wagged his tail and licked his human’s face. “Yeah, I know, you’re fucking cute and I love you,” Brennen cooed, scratching behind Kobe’s ears.

And so Brennen was surprised as hell when he got a text from Colby asking, _So... Are you free tonight?_

And maybe it was a little embarrassing how quickly he responded, but he couldn’t not answer right away. _Only for you, boo_ , he started to type out, but winced and quickly backspaced. _Yeah, what’s up?_ He decided on.

 _You should come over_ , Colby said, and Brennen’s heart jumped a little bit.

Because he knew that phrase. _Shit, you okay?_ And he was already ready to fly over to Colby’s apartment, deal with whatever suicidal Colby he’d find over there when his phone buzzed again.

_Oh shit, dude, no, I’m fine, I just... I want to see you._

Oh... Well, Colby didn’t have to tell him twice. _Sure, what time?_

 _4?_ Brennen glanced at the clock. It was eleven o’clock now.

_You don’t need to sleep?_

_I slept on the plane_ , Colby promised, _And I really want to see you._

Well fuck. Brennen felt a warm glow spread through his chest. _Yeah, sure. I’ll be there._

 _Wear something you can walk in_ , Colby told him, _We’re going to be outside._

Brennen cocked an eyebrow at his screen. _Are you taking me on a date, Mr. Brock?_

 _Maybe_... Came the initial text, _If that’s okay?_

Brennen huffed out an endearing noise, _Of course it is, bro._ _I can’t wait._

And he really, really couldn’t.

So after five hours of waiting, during which he paced, spent way too much time picking out an outfit for his date who was blind and wouldn't see it anyway (a blind date, ha), and arrived way too early to Colby’s apartment. And he felt a little stupid sitting in his car staring at the clock trying to decide when would be an appropriate time to walk up to Colby’s door, finally getting to the door and just staring at it with his heart in his throat which was fucking stupid because it was Colby and... fuck, he was overthinking this.

”Fuck this shit,” he finally muttered, and knocked on Colby’s door.

It seemed that Colby had been waiting for him just as anxiously, because the door opened pretty quickly. Brennen had just enough time to squeak out a “Hey” before Colby was reaching for him. Brennen met him halfway, sweeping Colby up and pressing him against his chest, instantly breathing in a scent that belonged to Colby and Colby alone.

”Hey...” Colby breathed, burying his forehead in Brennen’s shoulder, “I missed you.”

”I can see that,” Brennen said with a faint smile. “Fuck, man, I missed you too.” And he really, really did. Colby let out a laugh, and it was a happy sound, a happy laugh that Brennen hadn’t heard from his friend in a long time and his made his heart sing. “You sound like you’re in a good mood,” Brennen said, drawing back so he could see Colby’s face.

Colby nodded, and the smile across his face was earnest, if a little bit nervous. “You ready for an adventure, brother?” He asked.

And Colby’s grin was infectious, and Brennen felt a smile stretch across his own face. “Hell yeah, brother,” He said with enthusiasm. “Where are we going?”

Colby drew one hand back from the hug, still keeping one arm around Brennen but pulling his phone out as he spoke, “It’s a surprise,” He answered, “I’m calling an Uber right now.”

And Brennen got a sneaking suspicion that there was more to this than Colby was letting on. “You’ve got a whole plan, don’t you?”

Colby’s grin only grew wider, even as his cheeks colored. “Maybe...”

”You sneaky fucker,” Brennen said, ruffling a hand through Colby’s hair. And if Colby leaned into it, his face growing affectionate, it was a pleasant side effect. “Is this some grand romantic gesture?”

A slight tinge of worry grew on Colby’s face, “Is that not okay?”

And Brennen almost kissed Colby there. Almost. But he just barely restrained himself. “It is totally okay, bro,” He said, kissing Colby’s hand instead. “I’m fuckin’ hyped.”

Fuck... how long had it been since he’d seen Colby this happy, this excited? Spain must have been really good for him. And for the first time in a while, Brennen started to really feel like things were going to be okay. “Okay, let me just call them, and grab a few things,” Colby shrugged free of Brennen’s embrace, moving around his apartment with practiced ease.

Brennen just watched him, and he could feel the stupid grin on his face, but he did nothing to change it.

Fuck... this was a nice change.

Colby grabbed a backpack, throwing it over his shoulder and stepping into his shoes. He moved back to the door and Brennen, reaching over and grabbing his cane with no hesitancy. “Ready?” He asked.

”Ready,” Brennen confirmed, and Colby reached for his forearm, finding it easily.

And together they moved downstairs.

Brennen asked Colby about Spain while they were driving.

”Dude, ghost hunting is like... so different when you’re blind because like...” Colby was talking animatedly, moving his hands as he spoke. “So like, you know how all of my other senses are like, dialed up to ten, right?”

”Yeah.”

”So you know all that shit that you kinda pay attention to when you can see, like feeling like you hear something or like someone’s standing behind you? So it’s so much _more_ when you can’t just like, turn around and see if the thing is there, and my hearing and shit is the only thing I can rely on ‘cause my eyes don’t work so like... there was so much. Like I was hearing things and feeling things that like the other guys weren’t because that’s just how I process the world now and... fuck, it was almost like having a superpower.”

”That’s...that’s really fucking cool, dude,” Brennen said, and it really was, but Brennen would be lying if he said he wasn’t more paying attention to how happy and animated Colby’s face was.

It had been so long since he saw that.

”Yeah, like, there was this point where we were doing this seance thing and talking to this spirit, and I shit you not, I could fucking like... feel the thing pacing around the room with us,” Colby’s eyes were bright, “Like, we would ask it a question, and they would like, ask me where it was, and I could point and then like the next second something would happen, like something would fall or knock where I was pointing and it was so fucking cool because like, you _know_ I can’t see anything but I just like... knew.”

Colby laughed before he continued, “Fuck, I know that like we were mostly joking when we talked about like the blind medium thing but like... There was so much that I was able to sense that Sam and Corey and Jake couldn’t, that I wouldn’t have noticed if I could still see, cause like...” His face furrowed a little bit, “So like, there’s a lot of shit that comes with the blind thing but like... this is a really cool positive.”

And Brennen couldn’t help but agree, so glad that Colby was able to find positives to his blindness.

And that one of them would be so well suited to what he did for a living.

”Almost makes me want to go back to some of the places that we’ve been and see if there’s anything more there...” Colby mused, “But uh... I’m pretty sure the team is looking at doing Italy next so I’m totally okay with that too.”

”You’re gonna have been all over Europe before you know it,” Brennen said.

Colby’s grin faltered a little as he shrugged, “Would have been nice to _see_ the shit before I went blind but uh... it'll still be cool to be there,” He said, and Brennen reached over to squeeze his shoulder comfortingly.

But Colby shook his head, “I’m okay, Brennen. I really am,” And he looked at Colby, and he was getting better at faking eye contact even if Brennen could tell that he was just a little bit off, “Like, best I’ve been since... since it happened.”

And his voice was honest and sincere, and for the first time in five months, Brennen believed him. “I’m so glad, bro,” He murmured, “We were pretty worried for a while.”

”I know you were,” Colby said, and he reached up to take Brennen’s hand. “And I... thank you for sticking with me through that. I appreciate it more than you know.”

"Of course," Brennen said simply, sincerely "You're my best friend, dude..." Colby just nodded, squeezing Brennen's hand softly.

Even if Brennen didn’t know where exactly they were going, he could tell that they were heading out of downtown LA, up into the mountains, and he wondered what Colby had in mind. But it was nice, that Colby had planned something, that Colby was taking that initiative again. Before too long, they arrived at a pretty nondescript trail entrance, bright yellow flowers blooming at the trailhead. The car came to a stop, and Brennen moved quickly around the car to get Colby’s door.

”We going hiking?” He asked playfully, and saw Colby smile at his words.

”Something like that,” Colby shouldered the backpack. “Bright yellow flowers at the start of the path, right?”

”Yeah,” Brennen confirmed.

”Cool,” Colby nodded, thanking the Uber driver and taking a hold of Brennen’s forearm. His cane stayed folded up in his pocket, and Brennen recognized that this was Colby trusting him to lead. Letting himself be blind with Brennen.

And he swallowed the emotions in his throat. “Ready?” He asked instead.

”Yeah,” And Colby smiled at him, “Let’s go.”

They talked about everything and nothing as they walked. Brennen explained interesting plants, animals, and insects as they passed them, and Colby smiled at the descriptions, because Brennen was no poet, and his descriptions would sometimes be “this weird looking bug thing with blue wings” or ”it kinda looks like a leopard, but like, on leaves? I hope they’re supposed to be that color, for all I know it’s like a fuckin' fungus growing on it or something”. But it made Colby laugh, and Brennen loved that sound.

Brennen knew they were looking for a park bench with names engraved on it, so when he found it, he didn’t immediately register the vista that sat in front of the bench. And then he turned, and he could see the entirely of LA spread out in front of him in the late afternoon sun. “Shit...” He whispered.

”Cool view, huh?” Colby asked, and he was tracing his fingers over the engravings on the wood. “Sam and I found this place about a year ago. Always thought it would make a really cool date spot.”

And Brennen felt heat in his cheeks that had nothing to do with the exertion of the hike. _Date spot, huh?_ “Yeah... yeah, it’s a great spot,” He agreed, feeling a little pain in his heart that Colby couldn’t look out and see it anymore. But Colby didn’t seem bothered by it. He just sat down on the bench and reached out to Brennen. His eyes were trained on the setting sun.

”Come ‘ere,” He said softly.

And how could Brennen do anything but obey him?

He took Colby’s hand, sitting down next to him. Colby pressed himself in next to him, squeezing his hand gently. “There’s food in the bag,” Colby said, “Sandwiches and shit. If you’re hungry.”

And he kinda was, but not enough to want to detach from the moment with Colby. “I’m good for now,” He answered, “Unless you are?”

Colby just shook his head, still staring out at the sun. “I’m good,” He cracked a smile.

Silence fell between them again, and Brennen closed his eyes, once again just trying to take in what Colby would be perceiving in this moment. The air was warm and soft, spring settling in the atmosphere. A quiet wind sent the blades of grass rustling against each other, buffeting against Brennen’s hair. There was the sound of the occasional bird, the distant sound of city... but it was almost negligible, this far removed from society.

Brennen opened his eyes again, looking at Colby. Colby had his eyes closed too, but as Brennen looked at him he opened his, turning his face towards Brennen, showing again that uncanny sense he had developed. “Hey,” He said quietly.

”Hey,” Brennen answered, squeezing Colby’s hand. “How are you doing?”

And he knew that Colby knew what he was really asking.

Colby took a breath, holding it for a few seconds, before releasing it. Brennen watched the thoughts move over his face as he processed his thoughts, and it struck Brennen again just how fucking _pretty_ Colby was. The light breeze tossed a few stands of his hair and the late afternoon sun lit up his eyes. After a few more moments of processing (and Brennen unapologetically appreciating him) he answered. “I’m... I’m really doing better,” He murmured. “Seriously. Like, there are some days when it still really sucks and I’m definitely not like... totally over it but... I’m getting there, okay?”

Brennen squeezed his hand, “I’m glad,” He murmured back.

Colby stared out at the sun. “Going to Spain with everyone... it really helped,” He said, “Because like, I couldn’t see all the cool historical shit, and that kinda sucked but like... I still did that. I still went to Spain, and I flew in a plane again, and we did a whole Sam and Colby video series, and fuckin’... we got some really cool footage that the fans are going to love.” He blinked a few times, and there was a certain misty quality to his eyes, “I can still do this. Like... everything changed, but... nothing _has_ to change, you know? I can still do this, what Sam and I always wanted to do.” He looked down, “Even though I’m blind.”

And Brennen freed his hand from Colby’s so that he could wrap it around Colby’s shoulders. “Of course you can,” He said, “I never doubted you, bro. Not for a moment.” Colby leaned into him, resting his head against Brennen’s shoulder.

”I was so scared,” Colby admitted, emotions thick in his voice. “So... so fucking scared, when I woke up and I couldn’t _see_ , and...” He shook his head, Brennen shuddering internally at the memory, “I just thought everything was going to change for the _worse_ , that like... I wouldn’t be me anymore, and you guys, everyone... wouldn’t see me as _me_ anymore. Just... just my blindness...” He waved his free hand haphazardly in from of his face.

Brennen squeezed him tighter in the half hug he was in. “You’re still you,” He said softly. “Still the guy I fell in love with. Still my best friend. Nothing changes that.”

Colby smiled faintly and nodded, “I know that now,” He said, “Even if I still have trouble remembering some days...” 

“Then I’ll be here, and Sam will be here, and we’ll all be here every day to remind you,” Brennen said, eyes combing over Colby’s face lovingly.

The emotions were thick between them, but they were less heavy, just comfortable and loving. Something tugged at Brennen’s heart, and he almost thought Colby might have felt it too, because Colby turned his face towards Brennen’s. He seemed to hesitate a moment, before he lifted his free hand. ”Can I touch your face?” He asked.

Brennen nodded. “Yeah,” he answered, taking Colby’s free hand with his and pressing it to his cheek. Colby lifted his hand slightly, just leaving his fingertips pressed to the skin. And it was with them that he traced Brennen’s face, drifting over his cheeks, over his forehead, down his nose, brushing just ever so slightly across Brennen’s eyelashes. He knew Colby felt it when he smiled bigger, because he watched Colby’s face mimic his expression, even as Colby’s eyes stared downward.

”Hey...” Brennen said softly, again.

”Hey...” Colby said, and there was something _more_ in his voice when he spoke next, “So... I had like this whole speech planned. Like... something corny and romantic with like puns about you being there during ‘the darkest time in my life’ and shit, but like...” He smiled a little bit but Brennen almost missed it because that was when his fingers brushed over Brennen’s lips. Brennen felt his breath catch, “It was romantic and sappy as shit but like...” And Brennen’s lips parted almost subconsciously at the contact, “Right now... I just kinda want to kiss you.”

Brennen swallowed. “Yeah?” He breathed against Colby’s fingers.

Colby nodded, “I... can I kiss you, Brennen?”

And it could have come out as a joke or a quip, or something more ‘in character’ but that wasn’t what happened. Because Colby wasn’t totally okay, probably wouldn’t be for a while, but he was _better_ , and definitely headed in the right direction.

And Brennen really, really, _really_ wanted to kiss him.

So he responded, and Brennen was almost embarrassed by how breathless and desperate the word came out.

“Please?”

And then Colby’s lips were on his, and Brennen’s hands were in his hair, and wrapping up around his back, and Colby’s hands had curled around his neck and pressed into his chest, and Brennen swore he had never felt anything as good in his life as kissing Colby Brock right then. It was electric, sinking and crackling through his body as goosebumps broke out on his skin. And Colby... fuck, he loved Colby. So much.

God, he had wanted to do this for so long...

The kiss broke too quickly, and Brennen's fingers contracted, wanting to pull Colby into him again. But he didn't, staring instead into the brilliant blue eyes of his friend. "'Sup?" He asked, and he heard the breathless quality to his voice. Colby laughed a little, and fuck, Brennen would never take his laugh for granted again.

Not when he had heard far more sobs than laughs in the last five months.

"Now you can say it," Colby said, stroking his chest idly.

"Say what?" Brennen was confused.

Color rushed into Colby’s face, "I love you," Colby answered, both answering and confessing at the same time.

And the conversation came back to him even as his heart leaped and filled with love.

_“I feel we’re doing this out of order, bro, like... doesn’t the ‘I love you’ come after the first kiss or something...?”_

Brennen chuckled a little bit, but nonetheless he responded quietly, "I love you too." And he heard a happy little noise from Colby before his friend drew him back in for another kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter kinda turned into a wrap up, but I’m okay with it. I really like the way it came out, and I finally got to write the goddamn first kiss... I can’t tell you how many times I’ve almost written it and decided it was too early.
> 
> I may post the earlier drafts of the first kisses that never were if people are interested.
> 
> So, I’ll be changing the rating of this piece because I don’t think that explicit sex scenes fit the vibe of this one. Don’t worry though, I will definitely have canon sex scenes in “Blind Spots” to scratch that itch.
> 
> Link to the smut that follows this scene: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22411783/chapters/54223423
> 
> I’ll probably have one more chapter here, and then more updates in “Blind Spots“, but this main story is coming to a close. Next (and last) update hopefully Friday.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed, let me know what you think, and I’ll see you all in the next one!


	13. Chapter 13

“Mmph, babe...” Brennen groaned, his hand coming around to rest on the back of Colby’s head as he suddenly felt the warm, sucking pressure of Colby's mouth at his neck. “Fuck, dude, I’m trying to get ready...” The grin on his face hopefully took out the rejection from his words, “We’re supposed to be at Sam’s in like ten minutes...”

”Then we have ten minutes...” Colby breathed against his skin, his chest pressed against Brennen’s back, curled up against him from behind, thoroughly distracting Brennen from the socks-putting-on he was supposed to be doing. "Besides, we don't even technically have to be there until one-fourteen..."

"Colby..." Brennen groaned, fingers tightening in Colby's hair, but he didn't pulling him back. He heard a self satisfied noise from Colby as his boyfriend continued to lick and nip at his neck.

It was a lazy Sunday morning. At least, it had been lazy, until Brennen and Colby both registered the time, Colby’s talking phone informing them both that they were supposed to be over at Sam’s for the premiere of Sam and Colby’s newest series. Behind the Veil, the final edited product of their trip to Spain. was being released about six weeks after the trip.

The title was a slight play on multiple themes, both in looking behind the supernatural veil, but also a reference to how Colby saw the world, like looking out from behind a thick veil. It also tied in how that perception had massively changed his life both in the way he lived and perceived everything supernatural.

It had been Colby’s idea as a name for the new series. And after Sam had checked multiple times that it was okay (and then had Brennen check too), the name had stuck. And #BehindtheVeil had been started. They'd been hyping the title for weeks as the finishing touches were put on the videos. Finally, the day had finally come to see what everyone else thought about it too. While Colby had told Brennen about some of the things that had happened, he hadn't let Brennen watch any of the actual footage. That had been for Sam and Corey and Jake and some of their hired editors only.

And that... that had been rough on Colby. Because this was the first series on their duo channel that he hadn't been able to help much with the editing for.

That had been a rough night.

_”I just feel like I can’t do anything," Colby had lamented, pacing angrily around his apartment. "I’m fucking useless...”_

_Brennen watched him, grimacing, ”You’re not useless, dude, you’re blind.”  
_

_”Exactly, same fucking thing," Colby threw his arms in agitation, "And I can’t help with editing, or reviewing, or fucking anything...”_

_And even though he knew it wouldn't help much, he tried to logic through it with Colby. "Colby, you guys are already outsourcing most of the editing to your team anyway, it’s not like Sam has that much to do.”_

_Colby shook his head, stopping and crossing his arms over his chest,”Yeah, but like, we always had the last say and I can’t..." His voice trailed off, and he shook his head again, staring at the floor, and his voice was rough when it came out again. "Fuck, Brennen, please...”_

_And though he didn't finished the plea Brennen had known what Colby was asking for. But there was nothing they could do about it, so he walked over to Colby and wrapped arms around him as the trembling started. ”Colby... It’ll be okay, man, okay? It’ll be okay...”_

_Because he knew what the unsaid wish was, what Colby was pleading for._

_He just wanted to see._

And then Brennen was pulled out of his thoughts by Colby's lips wrapping around to the front of his neck, sucking at the sensitive spot at the base of his neck. "Fuck, babe..." He groaned, fingers on his free hand reaching for Colby's still unclothed chest to brush lightly against the sensitive skin of his nipples. "We're gonna fucking be late."

"Don't care..." Colby murmured against his skin, letting out a little sigh at the contact to his erogenous zones, rolling his hips against Brennen's back.

"We talked about this last night..." Brennen groaned low in his throat, trying to ignore Colby's hand that was oh so subtly inching its way towards his pants line.

"Was this before or after I got fucked until I forgot my own name?" Colby asked delicately in his ear and Brennen almost growled.

Okay, fine. Colby wanted to get fucked again, Brennen could do that. He’d been loving and caring last night, taking it slow and taking every opportunity to enjoy every moment of the encounter, taking Colby apart slowly with strokes and teeth and thrusts... but if Colby wanted it fast and hard... he could do that too. "Okay then," He resolved, "Have it your way."

Brennen spun, catching Colby’s wrists and pressing him roughly into the bed. Colby let out a startled noise at first, but that was quickly drowned out by a gasp and moan as Brennen ground into his pelvis and pressed a mouth to Colby’s nipple. Colby bucked against him, gasping out a “Fuck!” and a “Brennen, fuck, please!”

Brennen felt the grin across his own face. Alright, Colby won this time. “Since you said please... where’s the lube?”

”Wherever the fuck you threw it last night.”

"Where was that?"

"I don't fucking know, dude. I'm blind! Just fucking look for it or something." But there was no bitterness in his tone, just irritation that Brennen wasn't getting on with the fucking him stupid.

"Fucking Christ," Brennen grumbled, "Fuckin' pushy ass boyfriend..." 

He let go of Colby's wrists so that he could sit up and look around the room. Colby smacked him as he leaned off the bed to where he was pretty sure he knocked the lube before falling asleep against his boyfriend. "Now who's holding us up?" Colby tossed haughtily.

Brennen sent him a disbelieving look that was totally lost on Colby. "Fuck, dude, you're really asking for it, aren't you?" Luckily his hand closed around the bottle and neither of them were very dressed yet (except for Brennen's orphaned sock) so there was nothing between Brennen and Colby when Brennen pushed him back down into the bed...

And it wasn't ten minutes (because Colby was hot but Brennen had _some_ pride), but instead probably closer to twenty minutes before they were stumbling into their clothes and heading out the door to Sam’s. Colby was limping a little bit, but the grin he shot Brennen was blinding. Fortunately, Sam's place was right next door, and Brennen was still grinning stupidly when Colby opened Sam’s door, Brennen following after him.

Everyone turned to look at them when they entered, right around 12:45pm. “And there they finally fucking are!” Jake called, and Brennen shrugged guiltily. Because everyone knew about them dating at this point (although they still hadn’t come out on camera) and given their mostly still disheveled selves, Brennen figured they all knew what he and Colby had been up to. Fortunately, the talking of people had probably been loud enough that none of them had _heard_ what they'd been up to.

“Yo, Colby, over here,” Sam called, and he watched Colby orient on Sam’s voice, moving towards him. Brennen moved through the apartment after Colby, people mostly stepping out of Colby’s way but letting Brennen dodge around them as he took in the apartment. 

Shit, everyone was here. Brennen caught Devyn, Cassie, Katrina, and Tara chatting on the couch, while the guys were scattered around the rest of the apartment, Sam and Corey chatting in the kitchen, Jake, Reggie, Aryia, and Kevin leaning against the counter. Brennen noticed the double takes, but he figured it was mostly due to Brennen not being able to get appearance quite as under control as he would have usually.

But of course, it wasn't just that.

It was Jake who called them on it first. “Yo Brennen, nice hickey!” 

Brennen and Colby both froze, and Brennen felt at his neck, where he could indeed feel a tender spot right at the base of his throat, easily visit with the v-neck t-shirt he was wearing. “Oh God dammit,” He rolled his eyes, realizing that in the rush to get out the door he hadn’t even looked and Colby... well Colby was literally blind.

That was one downside to a blind boyfriend. No one on hickey-detection duty. ”Uh... sorry,” Colby apologized sheepishly, his ears red but a grin across his face. “Oops?”

Brennen sighed, but let a playful grin come across his face. “No regrets here," He promised, before commenting lowly, "They just can’t see what you look like under your clothes,” He teased back, watching more color light up across Colby’s face. He finally reached Colby again, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend’s waist and pressing a kiss to his cheek.

"I mean, neither can I," Colby shrugged lightly and Brennen withheld the worst of his grimace. He was still getting used to Colby being more cavalier about his blindness.

"I'll tell you about the finger marks on your hips later," Brennen promised in Colby's ear, pressing his fingers against the marks he knew where there over Colby's clothes.

Colby's face flushed, but he smiled happily. "You fucker."

"Love you too."

And when Brennen looked up at Sam, Colby’s best friend was grinning as well. “I almost came after you,” He said, “But I figured I might see something I’d regret later.”

Colby laughed, pressing back against Brennen a little bit. “You definitely would have regretted that, unless you wanna see what Brennen can do with his...” And Sam yelled, covering his ears.

”Bro, fucking no!”

Brennen and Colby just laughed.

And by 1:10 they were all situated on the couch, ready to watch the premiere episode along with all the fans. Sam had his laptop on his lap, ready to make the video live at 1:14. Colby was curled into Brennen, a strange look on his face. There was excitement yeah, but anxiety too. “You good, dude?” Brennen reached over to squeeze Colby’s thigh.

”Just a little nervous,” He answered quietly.

”What for?” Brennen asked, although he thought he might know. “It’s going to be fucking amazing.”

Colby gave him a sort of half grin, “I think so,” He said, “But like... this is the first series we’ve released on this channel that I haven’t really _seen_ you know? Like I’ve heard it and I know it _sounds_ good but like...” He fidgeted with his rings, eyes staring out blankly in front of him. “And like... the first episode is gonna be a lot,” Colby added. “I talked to you about what’s in it, right?”

”Yeah,” Brennen grimaced. He had. It was basically a recap of the last six months since Colby had gone blind.

And in that Brennen could definitely see why Colby was both excited for and dreading the premiere. Because he was sharing that experience with a wider audience, but he was also sharing more of himself than he had before, including more of his mental health during that time. And it was watered down, sure, but Brennen knew it had still been intense to film. Those were the nights when Brennen got Colby back from filming with his emotions much closer to the surface than usual. And those had been the nights when Brennen saw the remains of the shell that had been his best friend for a few months.

But there was nothing he could do to change any of that, just comfort Colby now. Brennen was going to just hold his boyfriend and remind him that everything was much more okay now than it had been. He wrapped an arm around Colby, directing his head gently so Brennen could kiss him comfortingly. He felt the small smile against his lips. “It’ll be okay,” He promised Colby quietly. “But we can leave at any time. If you need to, you know.”

”That’s fucking stupid,” Colby commented dryly, “I can’t leave my own fucking premiere.”

”Yes, you can,” Brennen said firmly, “And I’ll be with you, okay? Always.”

Colby groaned, but nodded his acquiescence.

Their close contact had not gone unnoticed. ”Hey there, leave some room for Jesus,” Corey squawked at them, miming a little old lady.

And Brennen was so relieved when Colby’s melancholy turned to an indignant glare. ”Jesus can shove it up his ass,” Colby retorted, wrapping protective arms around Brennen as he flipped Corey the bird. 

”Hey now, Colby, we don’t need the details of you and Brennen’s sex life,” Jake called, good humor in his voice.

”Like we don’t hear about you and Tara’s as soon as either of you get drunk!” Colby fired back, a grin stretching across his face.

”You all just wish you had a piece of this ass,” Brennen grabbed at Colby’s ass with his free hand, roaring with laughter when Colby swatted him away.

”Later, babe, later.”

"Fucking again?" Sam called in dismay.

"Maybe..." Brennen said cheekily, and Colby rolled his eyes.

Because they both knew very well that there was no maybe about it.

But Brennen felt the energy in the room switch again when the clock ticked 1:14. ”Posting!” Sam called, and Brennen looked over to see Sam click the mouse and see the video simultaneously appear on Sam’s TV. Colby's smile fell, and he curled tighter into his boyfriend, his hands trembling slightly in Brennen’s. Brennen just gripped him back and waited for the video to start, excited but terrified for what he was about to see.

What Brennen saw was a black screen, music starting quietly in the background. The room fell into silence and the black screen continued as Brennen heard Colby’s voice speak over the music;

_”And then... I woke up. And I was blind...”_

And then the blackness on the screen lifted, and it was Sam and Colby, sitting in Sam’s apartment, talking to the camera. In real life, Colby turned his face into Brennen’s shoulder, and Brennen squeezed his boyfriend tighter against him. He caught their friends’ looks of concern as the video continued.

And for the first ten minutes of the video, it was an emotional, although slightly watered down version of the last six months. After a trigger warning, and a time stamp to skip to if people didn’t want to watch this part, they got into it. And Brennen knew it was coming, knew Colby would be talking about what he went through, but he still had to swallow down his emotions several times when Colby talked about the first time he’d realized what had happened, the first destructive episodes, and the first time he had “gotten really bad”. And he never directly said that he’d been suicidal, but it was still fairly clear from the way Sam and Colby talked about it.

And fuck, Brennen knew he was so much better now, so much better, but the video just brought him back to the months in between then and now, when he never knew if he would find a body when he went over to Colby’s apartment. And he was glad, so glad, to feel Colby solidly here and alive and with him right now.

Because they had been so close to never being able to have that again for too long...

And when that part of the video was finally over, when they got back to the more travel blog section of the video, the mood in the room lifted, even as people continued to glance at Colby. Brennen looked over at his boyfriend, just hugging him tighter, because Colby’s face was wet, and so was Brennen’s shirt, but he was still here, still with Brennen. And that was the important thing. He'd most gotten over that part of his life, that darkness, coming out stronger and accepting of his blindness on the other side.

And he thought he might have seen the faintest bit of peace on Colby’s face.

And by the time the video ended on a happy, excited note, the next video promising the start of their paranormal investigation into a church in Spain, the mood in the room was significantly lighter. Because it would have been a disservice to their lives the past few months to blow through it, but it was still a relief to get past the heaviness. And know it was out there, and their fans could know about it, and that it would be okay.

”Yo, #BehindtheVeil is already trending,” Corey called excitedly, and Brennen might have pulled out his phone to look at the comments pouring in about the video.

And there were thousands, excited and supportive and so glad to see their boys back at making videos despite everything. Brennen read a couple to Colby, watching the expression on his boyfriend’s face. And there was something easier, something relieved. Because with everything he thought he could never do again, here they were, and it was like nothing had changed. Even though everything had changed.

And yeah, Colby would never see again. And that thought still really hurt some days. And some days would continue to be worse than others. Brennen knew that they were in no way completely over this massive and permanent change. But Colby was here, and he was alive, and still doing what he loved despite it all.

And now, Brennen got to call Colby _his_ in that regard.

So he pulled Colby in for a kiss, Colby returning it sweetly. Colby’s blue eyes were bright, and Brennen could see a whole future stretched out in front of them.

And he thought Colby could too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with that, we can call the main story done!
> 
> There are still several scenes I'm going to write for Blind Spots, including the seance and more sexy times because I'm loving writing this dynamic between blind!Colby and Brennen but I'm excited to call another story done. Crazy to think I started this story on January 11th and here we are on February 22nd, done.
> 
> I'm getting good at this.
> 
> Alrighty, well that's it from me for this one. I hope you guys enjoyed, let me know what you thought, and as always, I'll see you in the next one!
> 
> -Nova


End file.
